He smells like home and sweat
And always makes me fret
About nothing and everything all at once

He loves thoughtfully while patient and calm
Agreeing that I’m never wrong
He is everything all at once

All armies are the same
Publicity is fame
Artillery makes the same old noise
Valor is an attribute of boys
Old soldiers all have tired eyes
All soldiers hear the same old lies
Dead bodies always have drawn flies

'                                              You Can always tell
                                            When His heart is going astray.
                                        You'll losE his compassion when he talks.
                                 You'll notice A hint of guilt in his walk.
                                        The time Together will feel hallow.
                       Your gut will start Eting away at your thoughts.
                       Maybe it's just youR self consciousness showing through.
It's hard to believe that when he Stops replying "I love you".
*-dh

Leaving
He grasps for what’s left of me
Bobbi pins borrowed sweaters

Desperation hits as he offers commitment
In fear I will accept

While I am forced to leave him behind
Everyone else just feels like a dull cast
Shadow

I didn’t think I needed this anymore
We spent our time laughing teasing and loving  

My hand and heart didn’t need a pen
But here I am

Lying is easy
For some it comes like an exhale
The lie moves flawlessly and without effort
Flowing from throat to lips like a wave

For others lying can feel like daggers
Each slur silently attacking the listener
While guilt subtly washes over the liars face  

I hold my breath while reading him for guilt
Holding onto the thought that I am overthinking
While wishing I’m just living in the past trauma
He tries to take me in his embrace

he is looking for satisfaction somewhere else
it’s hard not to blame myself
But good people do not lie
Even if it comes as easy as a wave

A house with wrap around deck
Acoustic music softly plays as a smell of
Fresh rain and cedar fill the room
Content and certainty as he hugs from behind

Without you that’s just a foolish dream now
Why did I let you have this power over me

***** laundry, takeout meals, alcohol  
This cyclic routine is starting to feel like nothingness
I won’t allow a vision of the future  as it won’t include you

Perpetually living in the last second