Cracked window ladies
With torn dresses on purpose
A pretty yet strange tribe

I live, yet I do not wish for life.
I eat, yet I do not desire food.
I sleep, yet I never rest.

What am I?

And sometimes, people aren't.

Depression is gradual,
It doesn't start off looking in the mirror and thinking 'I hate myself'
It's more like every day you get worse and worse until eventually you realize how many times a day you fake a laugh,
It's the times you wanted to curl up into a ball but instead you fake a smile and act normal.

Depression is not self harm,
It isn't defined by the number of scars you have or how deep they are,
It isn't the nights spent crying or how your home life is,
It's feeling tired all the time and having this hole in your chest that no amount of fake smiles can fill.
It's nights spent staring at a wall or constantly sleeping because nothing is worth doing.

Depression is not romantic,
It can't be cured with a few hugs and I love you's,
It isn't scars to be kissed or bruises to be caressed,
It's nights spent alone even when there are people beside you,
It's emptiness and realizing that all of those things you used to do, that you used to revel in, aren't worth it anymore.

Depression is real,
It isn't wanting attention or someone to tell you everything will be fine,
It isn't wearing short sleeves so people notice your scars or telling everyone how sad you are,
It is looking at the casket of one of your friends because we didn't notice it, because no one saw the signs,
It's a noose around your neck 24/7 because that's all you can think about,
It's emptiness and loneliness,
It's sleepless nights but sleep filled days,
It is the worst feeling in the world,
Depression is real and depression kills

and we sat on the couch together. He wrapped his arm around me, kissing my cheek. I stared into his eyes for what seemed to last years, but in reality it was mere seconds.  
I wanted to tell him that I loved him. I wanted to tell him about how I had loved him since the first time he had ever touched me, the first time his hand had brushed mine. I wanted to tell him that his arm around me was more comforting than being in my own bed at home. Everyday was a gift being with him, and I wanted to know how I got so lucky. His arm moving interrupted my thoughts as he pulled me closer.
“Ellie you know I love you right,” His voice was so smooth, it ran over my whole body, I felt like I was under a waterfall, and ‘I love you’ was pouring down my body. His eager eyes looked like they were searching for a response, and answer, an ‘I love you back’, but my mouth couldn’t form a word. My brain couldn’t even form a solid thought. The words I wanted to hear caught me so off guard.
“You don’t have to say it back, I just needed to say it. I’ve felt like this for so long, I’ve wanted to say that since the day I met you, but I had to wait till it was perfect. This seems perfect to me, but everyday really seems perfect when I’m with you,” his smile right now was most likely the dorkiest thing I’d ever seen. I felt my face get warmer and warmer, and I knew I was probably tomato red.
“I-,” I couldn’t form a word, I couldn’t speak. My tongue was twisted, and I was too busy just staring at his face. The slight upwards slant of his nose, the few strands of his sandalwood hair in front of his rich coffee eyes. His hand firmly planted on my shoulder. I pressed my head into his shoulder, his arm wrapped around me tightly.
“I love you,” I said, the sound muffled by his jacket. I felt my face growing warmer, I could tell I was blushing. I felt his arms wrap around me, holding me close to him, his jackets zipper scratching my ear. He pulled away from me, and looked into my eyes just staring at me.
“I want this moment to last forever, I want to freeze time with us here, together,” He looked to eager.
“I don’t want this to last forever,” He suddenly looked hurt, “I want to spend years with you, I want to wake up next to you, I want to make breakfast with you,” His smile started growing again,” I want to get a cat with you, and name it something stupid, like captain meow meow, I want to sit up together at midnight and write things for you while you read them,” I felt out of breath, he looked so happy.
“Captain meow meow,” He was giggling like a little kid, I knew that I was utterly and completely in love with him.
“Captain meow meow,” I said back to him, burying my face into his chest.

If I deprive myself of such a motionless state
Wouldn't my mind rest assured--
Meanwhile producing the art in it's entirety?
I will maintain restlessness in order to conflate
Could it be such a mistake after all that I've endured?
The work so mighty and fiery, oh how so the irony.