On the edge.
No, not close to the edge.
Right there ******.

Terrifying, lovely.
Lovely, indeed.

Sublime.

I'm afraid, to be honest
of letting go and of letting in.

I'm so close to falling, yet I waiver, I wonder, I stall
I'm unsure.






I've never been so sure.

I am leaving this totally raw, not edited out parts. If you feel this may offend you, Please don't read. I needed to just vent to somebody so here we are.

I keep trying to forget about you. Not the moments we shared, just you.

I'm trying to forget the way you smelled after a quiet night of dancing.
I'm trying to forget how your eyes twinkled when you talked about your family.
I'm  trying to forget the way you cared for me when I told you my darkest secret.
I'm trying to forget how your arms wrapped perfectly around my waist when we hugged.
I’m trying to forget the way you became a emotional wreck when I said I tried to **** myself.
I’m trying to forget the way your beautiful face was illuminated by the fire
I’m trying to forget the love I still have for you.

Everywhere I go I swear I see you. I was walking down the street and I prayed to god that wasn't you in the yellow 2005 punch buggy. When we talked, you only ever had the truck I helped design. Who knows though, You’ve changed since we talked last. But that look the passenger gave me, It was only a look only you could give me. I want close enough to see the two telltale signs it was you, your eyes and your scar. But that look gave me nightmares for many weeks to come. It was haunting and regretful. I could of seen things, But I swear the person said my name.

I thought I saw you today. The gas station that's right in the center of town. I saw someone in the distance and my heart beated out of my chest. I don’t know what I would've done if it was you. Cry, panic, hug you, ignore you, who knows? It’s funny how after all this time, I still can’t seem to get rid of you. What do you want from me? People used to say I was obsessed with you, I'm kinda starting to believe it. Maybe this is love, how would I know? I’m only nearly fifteen. Never been kissed or loved.

I can try and try but I won’t forget you. You’re too much of my heart and soul. You were my best friend. I told you everything, everything. When I think about you all I wanna do is cry. Why I have to go and wreck things i'm not sure. I just wanna know how you are.

for a brief moment
caught in remembering
vividly she came back to me
the sunlight on her face
strands of her reddish blonde hair
floating free in the small space between us

what words passed between us
long since faded
but the heart remembers the love
known between us that day
with a clarity that speaks so clearly to me
the heart knows what the mind fails to hear

and my heart still speaks of you to me
still sketches your beautiful face in my dreams
in such sweet living breathing quality
i cannot help but feel that i lost a world of love
when i lost you

your hand in mine
our souls still linger in each others arms
kissing tenderly and passionately like lovers do
at least that is what my heart tells me

If she asks you
If she asks you who I am, tell her. Tell her
because she is not starting a fire for an explanation but a confession.

If you tell her I was just a girl you dated
for a couple of years, she will only give you a hard time.
The hundreds of photos tagged in your outdated profile and the stack
of books with our names written will be her allies.

If you tell her I was an old friend, she will only hear
half of what you say. She will recall how you looked at places
with a tinge of regret and a shade of nostalgia. She will remember
how you skipped a certain song ― a reminder of something you’ll find an excuse
not to tell her every time the car radio is on.

If she asks you who I was, lie a little,
because she is not crossing the line for answers but for assurances.

Don’t tell her how our lips played with poetry and how we dared
to dream under the light of the taciturn satellite. Skip the part where we
fought dragons together and how we named each other’s scars.

Reserve the fact that you still keep the letters, notes, old restaurant receipts under
your drawers and some tearstained thoughts at the back of your pillow. She doesn’t need to know
why you reread past conversations or why your mother mentioned me at the family dining table
just to ask you what I have been up to.

Finally, if she asks you who I was to you, tell her you love her. Put her in the limelight
because she is testing you to pull the trigger pointed at her

But you won’t. Instead, you will tell her she’s beautiful to compensate
for the words you never had the guts to tell me. You will tell her she’s a keeper, for the hell of it.
You will tell her a poor research about human cells being replaced after seven years so that one day,
I will leave no trace on your body.

She will then forget that you mentioned my name while sleeping. She will wash the lipstick stains
on your bedsheets and remove the extra toothbrush in the shower. She will ignore the way you twitch
every time you hear a familiar author or my favorite curse word. She will fill the spaces
of your fingers and plaster kisses at the holes of your chest. She will replace every scent of me
with her own promises, insecurities, and mistakes.

She will do this. She will, because when she asked you about me,
she knew I was the ghost of the house. And at the back of your head, you wanted to tell her
that the ****** no longer need saving. But by all means,
darling, she can try.

—

A. A. Dizon

His hands are ice,
Sharp like broken glass,
But he says, "Come here,
The cold won't last."

So you hand him your heart,
With a smile on your face,
His hands are ice cold,
But your heart is in flames.

He says, "Trust me,
You'll melt me to a puddle,
Fire and ice,
We'll make such a nice couple."

So you give him your all,
With a smile on your face,
And you fall and you fall,
Toward your icy embrace.

He squeezes his hands,
With your heart inside,
He didn't melt, put your flames out,
But you smile and say everything's fine.

Then you say, "That's okay,
My flame comes from within.
I'll take my frozen broken pieces,
Reconstruct and shine again."