Time without
huuhh
The respirator
huuhh
Is good practice
huuhh
For the lungs
huuhh
But every breath
huuhh
Is still
huuhh
A ludicrous pain

The heat of your forehead -
An oval of warmth on mine
Mint breath
And soft breathing
Your hands tighten as you relax
Fingers kissing
I say  be still
And guide you with my inhales and exhales
And the fear and the hurt and the anger drain out of you
Into a puddle on the floor
And you're a puddle in my arms
I love you so, little puddle

I have a lot of monsters
Some are here and some are there
They hide inside my closet doors
Or whisper in my hair
They were made to **** me
And one day
One of them will win
But when I feel your arms around me
I don't let those monsters in

We sat around waiting for the end
To come,
Watching the edges of clouds and ridges
Of the mountains burn like paper
Glowing and retreating into themselves,
And behind them the sky glowed with
Fire undiscernable from the sunset.

As it came, I sat by you, my last person and
I closed my eyes;
I was glad to end it
With you.

If you were here -
I'd be warm. Cool. In between.
Hungry. Full.
Somewhere in between -
Amongst the push and pull.
Tired. Awake.
One or the other -
Stir. Shake.
Shiver. Sweat.
Remember. Forget.
If you were here -
Shiver. Shake.
If be either sleep or
Awake.
But here I am -
Stuck.
Push, pull
Back, forth

****.

In her I've found the one whom
My soul will dance with forever

The one who sings and creates
And listens with me; my entire band

The one who never lets me stop
Laughing, and pushes me to tears
      any way she can

The one with whom I'm never alone,
My best of friends, more than a part
      of me

The one who lights and escaltes my
Life to brights and heights I never
      could have ever in forever
             possibly imagined.

I'm told that this is home, where I'm
Ignored and feel locked out;
Where I'm marginalized, I don't fit
In, a new culture -
A new generation.

Yet even the me of many yesterdays
Would disapprove of me now:

The opinionated academic who still
Says all the wrong things to all
Whom he loves.

So tell me,
What is one to do

When you don't fit in

Even with yourself?