he looked at her,
like how a poor person looks at $100
like how a cancer patient feels when they know they'll live
like how an artist paints a beauty

only you can crave a love that deep
so deep even the ocean would be jealous

only you can crave a love that high
so high even the stars would be jealous

Is that the lowest moment?
When you don't dare to wear shorts because of the scars that cover your legs.
And then you're sitting there at the dinner table with your family,
And they keep on telling you to eat,
But all you mutter is "I'm not hungry",
When you actually are.
You're starving but your image is worth more than a meal.
You eat a few bites just to shut them up,
And then run to the bathroom to rid yourself of it,
To make sure you can fit into those jeans,
The ones that could stand you losing another 5 pounds.
You get used to the lies of:
"I'm not hungry"
"I ate before I came"
And "oh yeah I'm fine, just tired".
Is that your lowest point,
When the only food you're feeding yourself is lies?

in my coat pockets you will find:
a bunch of crumpled up receipts scribbled
with love letters i thought of reciting to you;
a pack of cigarettes that i feel is more
for the artistic sense than the addictive;
a mini-lighter on which i wrote the name
of my favorite rapper; and
a beanie she bought me only a year ago.
i’ve taken you on seventeen dates already in my mind
and i think i can imagine the sound
of your voice when you say
“i love you” and the shape the creases on the
edges of your lips make when you smile
back because i said “i love you too.”
but this is only my imagination and sometimes
that ****** thing just runs wild.

Perhaps
it was the way you drank your tea?
or how you smiled when you spoke
of the stars at night?
or why you cried every night at 10pm?

Perhaps
it was when you left?
or when you came back to me?
or was it when this was over?
and we lay on the fresh cut grass
spilled into each other?

Perhaps
it was when your granddad died?
or was it when you laughed and
told me you were happy?
or was it when you smoke?

Perhaps
it was when you told me you
loved me?
or when you told me you
hate me?
was it then?

Perhaps
it was all of these?
because they made you,
you?
but I don't want to be pushed away

So perhaps we can't go on,
it's for the best,
i promise you

So perhaps I'm sorry for the
late notice
but you didn't seem too
attached to me anyway

he told her he had nothing to cut for.
he trie to tell her she had stunning eyes.
he told her she was beautiful, yet he had never
seen the scars
everyday they would talk. endlessly
all day for hours
she was in love with him
she thought he would never love her back
she knew there was someone else
he told her she should love herself more
he told her to compliment herself in the mirror
but she couldn't
everyday she grew more in love with him
but
doubted herself even more so
when he smiled she swore it was like putting
down the knife
his eyes gleamed like the stars in the night sky
she thought she could stop
for him
but he didn't know how it felt to be
second best
but he didn't know how it felt to be
suicidal

he told her she mattered.
he told her he loved her.
she thought she had blew it,
and chance
she ever had.
that night she cut
her wrists
her legs
her arms
in pain she cried
then she kissed him goodbye
he went to her funeral and
screamed out
"why?"