I'm staring at the open wardrobe door
From my bed, across the room
Begging God to let me go back
And listen to you tell me about the clay ball and rubber ball and the open door

The thought of your psychics sends me crying into bed

Time without
huuhh
The respirator
huuhh
Is good practice
huuhh
For the lungs
huuhh
But every breath
huuhh
Is still
huuhh
A ludicrous pain

The heat of your forehead -
An oval of warmth on mine
Mint breath
And soft breathing
Your hands tighten as you relax
Fingers kissing
I say  be still
And guide you with my inhales and exhales
And the fear and the hurt and the anger drain out of you
Into a puddle on the floor
And you're a puddle in my arms
I love you so, little puddle

I have a lot of monsters
Some are here and some are there
They hide inside my closet doors
Or whisper in my hair
They were made to **** me
And one day
One of them will win
But when I feel your arms around me
I don't let those monsters in

If you were here -
I'd be warm. Cool. In between.
Hungry. Full.
Somewhere in between -
Amongst the push and pull.
Tired. Awake.
One or the other -
Stir. Shake.
Shiver. Sweat.
Remember. Forget.
If you were here -
Shiver. Shake.
If be either sleep or
Awake.
But here I am -
Stuck.
Push, pull
Back, forth

****.

Half a hundred orphans
Orphaned by choice
By shame
"God's will"
"In his name"
"Abominations, every one"
"Abomination"
That's my son

Someone's daughter -
Late one night
Looking for a bite, no fight
Gunned down
In the name of god
For the love of God
No fight

Dead. On a club dance floor
One dead, two dead
Dozens more
Alive -
Orphans parents live
They give
They grieve
They cry

Changing minds
Changing clothes
Changing lives
Goodbye for real, not by choice this time
One man -
One gun
One night

No one could put up a fight.

Goodbye - Mom and Dad say
We didn't mean goodbye that *way

Your soft whispers
Give me shivers
Fingers quiver
On my cheek
Speaking softly
Breathing, wafting
Don't stop talking
Always speak

Kiss me softly
Kiss me long
Roughly, gently
Kiss me (til I'm) wrong