Before the illness descended on my brain
I never felt particularly insane
Eating disorders are not all about wanting to be thin
The pain is much deeper and emerges from within
Your self concept is shattered.
I don't think others understand
What it takes to recover, to escape quicksand.
Eating disorder thoughts are rotten and cruel
They convince you that you are a complete fool
They spit negativity into your head
You believe your thoughts, tears are shed.
Your appearance in the mirror you continue to hate
Vile thoughts continue to berate
Try living with that constant dread
Like walking around with a boulder on your head
At some points wishing you'd be better off
...
Recovery.
Congrats! You've gained weight!
Your physical health has returned, look at that heart rate.
But I gained more than I wanted to gain.
My mind is spinning, the thoughts are insane.
My mind is battling a war each day.
As I try to go to school, be a human, be okay.
The strength and will to do that is intense.
To live with your mind continually on a fence.
To have restriction sit in the back of your mind.
As you try to keep up with school and not get behind.
It is not a choice.
The voice.
Is not a choice.
But recovery is.
To try to live how I want to live.
If you come across someone battling this fight
Commend them on their courage and might.
Be their support.
Even though you may not understand.
Lend a listening ear or a helping hand.
Be the difference in their day.
Help stop their thought spiral, remind them they're okay
Anything you say
Makes a difference.
Acceptance
Love
Care
Makes a difference
Love and care will fuel their fight
To know their thoughts are not right.