calion: Favorites

Mar 2014 calion

xoK

*******.
******* for being so far away
******* for making me want you
I can say it certainly is not fair,
What is this, the ******* teacup ride?
I always hated the fair.
Fishing for plastic ducks and shooting impossible targets
Seems like a setup for failure to me.
******* for making me take a look at myself in the mirror
And for making me ask questions
For making me lie
And for making me tell the truth.
Why can't things be easy?
Oh yeah, that's just not how it works around here.
******* for making my imagination run wild.
For casting yourself in the movies my brain constantly films
And ******* for getting the cinematography just right.
I can't look away.
******* because all I have is my imagination.
I can make you whomever I want you to be.
******* for curling your hair and for having those lips
And for being comfortable with yourself around me
**** your small wrists and your quirky characteristics
Your eyeliner and your fingernails
**** your sparkling smile and your hips
And ******* for making me want you so bad.

**** me.
**** me for yearning.
**** me for learning
That it's not that simple,
That nothing is set in stone,
That people are confusing as hell.
**** me for taking the time to write this poem
**** how angry it's making me
And **** the fact that I'm writing it because of you.

The angriest poem I've ever written. But I think it actually turned out okay and somewhat entertaining to look back on. LDR life.

#lies #truth #anger #yearning #imagination #lips #her #questions #you #learning #ldr #wild #fuckyou #quirky #****** #angrypoem #fair #teacup #fawaway

Mar 2014 calion

How Being A Poet Is A Sickness

Mar 2014 calion

Wednesday

How Being A Poet Is A Sickness

Once you told me “I’m going to write you a poem”
I took your jawline in my fingers and held your eyes in mine and said
“Don’t ever”

only it came out a little strangled and raspy
like the voice cracking on a freckle faced pubescent boy

You didn’t heed my warning
and a week and a half later I got three pages of
star signs and
rose petals and
wishing wells and
my eyes compared to 24 other things

And three months later you started to look like
a wilting ivy
a dehydrated leaf
a floating corpse

and I still blame it on poetry
and the way it eats at your soul
and rips its way through the lines in your palms

it nails words into the gaps in your spine
and wraps itself so tightly inside you it contracts your muscles
until it controls you

until the letters desperately written are more like *****
just something forced out of you to let go of a little sickness

I could say
“I told you so”
if I was still 9 years old
and didn’t know how it felt to let a pen and 26 letters control you

I could say I told you so

but instead I am just buying my third cup of black coffee
and trying to find another pen

Mar 2014 calion

Sex In A Black Hole

Mar 2014 calion

Wednesday

*** In A Black Hole

They say time stops in a black hole
but who is they and what do “they” really know

What I’ve learned here on earth is time stops when I am with you

in sheets or
the back of a car or
a living room or
darkness

Warm flesh melting
we are dripping
ticking

The way you tilt your head back with parted lips
and let something loose from the core of your stomach

and the way your eyelids flutter and roll
like you are a wave I am riding out perfectly

The way you tangle your fingers into my hair
and hold my hips in the palm of your hand like
this is it

writhing and uncomplicated

people speak of passion

I speak of lust and
want and
this is it

The way you bite into my neck like
you wish you could draw blood
but instead you bring marks to the surface that stay for days
leaving me with a scarlet harlot letter

and the weight of your hand on the back of my head
pushing you further into me
until my nose rests on your skin
and I can feel the tight tendons in your leg and
this is

it

Mar 2014 calion

Dear Weston (Don't Mind Me)

Mar 2014 calion

Wednesday

Dear Weston (Don't Mind Me)

I sat across from you every
Monday Wednesday Friday
and I fantasized about us fighting every second of it

because the cheekbones in your face beg me to
indent them
like you are made of paper and glass

I am a matchstick house
glued together with bad intentions
lighted by your glance

and the bones in your knuckles caught me off guard every time
and how the skin stretched tightly like canvas on a frame

and all I wanted was your hand around my throat
and the other one making blood spurt from my nose

so maybe its best we never really spoke

Mar 2014 calion

Hit List

Mar 2014 calion

Wednesday

Hit List

1.You introduced me to your father as a “friend”
so I guess I should have
known from the start we were already reaching our end

2. You said you would pay me for *** after I didn’t respond to your calls
for 3 months but you couldn’t pay me
to be under you again

3. You once cut me with a steak knife on my leg
and put your mouth to the wound
until your lips ran red with my blood

4. You made me breakfast once
and served it with a shot of whiskey
I think you did it just to make sure I’d touch your **** again

5. You ****** me in your bed one morning
before driving me to school and giving me a cigarette
I don’t regret never calling you again

6. You made me feel like a live wire buzzing for a street lamp
You made me want to snort you like *******
I wish you hadn’t died I wish I could see you again

7. You made a mountain out of me
and I can never tell you just how happy I am
that I managed to wash you out to sea

8. You forced my head into your lap on a school trip
in a bus when I was 14
and I don’t think I can ever forgive you for that

9. You made me *** in the library in front of the window
when I was a freshman and afterwards
you put your fingers in your mouth

10. You kissed me in the clover on the bank of a pond
and we put our feet into the water
I think we really could have been something good if we wanted to be

Mar 2014 calion

Alex Barnes Forte (Highscore)

Mar 2014 calion

Wednesday

Alex Barnes Forte (Highscore)

You told me the first time you ever met me
you knew you had to have me
I wonder when you realized I wasn’t some limited edition video game
that you could turn on and then leave for later

I guess never because all you ever did was play me

I fell in love with the sound of your name on my tongue
like a shiny copper penny dropping on hardwood floor

a l e x
al-EX-and-eR
ALEX

I fell in love with your 6’2 frame and the way
I could have sipped wine from your collarbones if I had desired to

Your favorite drink was strawberry *****
and I have to admit after drinking a whole bottle
in the shower with you one night
I’m a little partial to it now too

We started dating October 12, 2012
and our clothes fell off eight days later in your waterbed,
three days short of my sixteenth birthday

and that was the same day I met your mother
who hugged me and told me how beautiful I was

I wonder how long you wanted to return me
to get at least half of a refund

I’m not really sorry you never got your money and time back
You were never a game to me
I never pressed pause on you

Mar 2014 calion

The Lost Boys in Neverland

Mar 2014 calion

Wednesday

The Lost Boys in Neverland

When I was in second grade a boy punched me
and I punched him back
until his nose bled on mulch

and ever since then I don’t chase boys
and I do not care for blonde hair anymore

when I was in second grade I would make
homes for fairies in the dirt using
moss and leaves and dandelion stems

when I was in second grade I had a house I could rattle around in
I could sulk like an angry ghost in a house built in 1867

I would wander around in the forest with two boys
I convinced them we should break into old houses
and our neighbors sheds

We created a world of green and vine and stumps
For Christmas one year we decorated a tree

We were the little ones who never wanted to go home
We called ourselves Peter Pan
Because we were never growing up

That was all before I moved
And the last day with them they crowned me Queen

I would climb on the roof at night
and feel the warmth of the sun still lingering there
and that was back when I was scared of what was in my closet

but since then I’ve befriended it

Mar 2014 calion

I Love You, I Do

Mar 2014 calion

Wednesday

I Love You, I Do

Ill feed you honey off of a teaspoon in the morning
And I’ll cover up all the reflective surfaces and
hold you in the bathtub till about 2 pm

I’ll rub shampoo through your black hair until the water turns cold

We will read poetry under that big shady tree down the road
and chase each other in the maze at the library
but I’ll always let you catch me

You’ll eat out of my hands like a broken baby animal
on the back porch wrapped in an afghan
the colour of your eyes on a rainy day

We will turn on the lamps at night and count our freckles
while we are wrapped in the sheets

And if you still hate yourself after that
We will wash rinse and repeat
until you can look into the mirror and

see what I see

Mar 2014 calion

April 26 (Fuck You)

Mar 2014 calion

Wednesday

April 26 (*******)

Forever beautiful until I saw you in raw sunlight
and realized you didn't shine anymore
you told me you would always love me
and ever since then I can’t believe anyone

I hate April now
it’s one of my least favorite months
and I blame you for that

One of the last times I saw you in your
beautiful tall pale freckled naked frame
you were inside of me and
you looked somewhere at my chest and
said you loved me

But you could not look into my eyes

And about ten minutes later when I was
resting my hipbones on yours
I started to cry

And instead of holding me close
and drying my eyes
you pushed me off
pulled on your pants
and left

and that was when I realized you are a
fox with a stone cold heart
incapable of caring for anyone

Much less loving them

#**** #you