Not an easy thing
I am shriveled and weak
So see through my eyes
I am small and meek

Look into my head
A constant chatter
A thousand thoughts
Echo that I don't matter

I'm grasping at straws
And wishing on stars
That I could see any value
Underneath my scars

Do you think I don't beg
At night as I scream
Desperate for relief
Desperate to dream

So far I am worthless
No inherent use
My entire existence
Is unhinged and loose

So throw me away
Lend me some meaning
So that when I am gone
It won't be so unseeming

Let me do what I can
Vicarious meaning or not
So perhaps I'll wake up
Instead of laying to rot

Swirling in my head
A white noise screaming
But stuck quietly
Softly seeming

One moment
And ten all glued together
Stuck up all in a knot
A noose neck tether

What do I make of it
A tangled chest of something
Rattling and clanging
I fear it to be nothing

This is entirely your fault
A song stuck in my head
Playing on a messy loop
I can't even go to bed

I held you once
And once again
Messy unkempt emotions
I leave myself to pain

And silent sealed lips
You shall never hear of this
I'll stew and roll over
And hope the emotions miss

Ignore the way I look at you
It will leave if given time
It was a kindness for you to hold me
It does not make you mine

I'll pray that time may stop
Just for a second or more
To etch your eyes into my soul
Before you walk out the door

This may be simple loneliness
But your smile lights the room
I'll catch it just one more
And accept bittersweet doom

Common
Brown eyes
Brown on so many faces

But if eyes are the window
Straight to the soul
And every soul is unique
Then nobody's eyes are common

Honey on leather
Sat in the sun on a sunday
Right after noon
Sticky smile
Warm

Dirt
Rich in the shade
Of a tree that has seen all
Full of life
And secrets
A bit cool and damp
And yet inviting

Leaves fallen and dry
Crunching and sharp
Drifting and floating
And landing softly

Glass bottle eyes
Shining and clear
A little see through
But bright and childish
Like rose colored glasses
But better

Chestnuts
Textured and wooden
Rough and intuitive
See right through you
And hold you tight

So many browns
Dismissed and unseen
By people who don't take time
To look and really see
And absorb

Brown eyes
Brown windows
Looking in on every type of soul
Waiting to be written about
By someone who is looking

I want to love
But I hate me
So what love I deserve
I cannot see

Pray and hope
For someone to embrace
Glance in the mirror
And I'm not worth the chase

So back away now
Before my heart latches on
Don't step so close
So I can tell myself it's wrong

Frail and grasping
The slightest kindness
And you outshine the sun
I will never bare that likeness

In my eyes
As much as I want
Don't touch me
It's a cruel taunt

My heart sprints to keep up
Attempting to reason
With a self mutilating mind
Saying to love me is treason

So don't touch me
I'll love you for a while
Tell myself I'm undeserving
Move on, nod and smile

And you'll never hear a word of it

For my family.
For my friends.
For beginnings.
For the ends.

I have to thank the people.
Who helped to pick me up.
Who stuck by my side.
Who filled up my cup.

So thank you once again.
Thank you for a voice.
One to oppose my inner own.
Thank you for a new choice.

Alone
Do you hear it?
The vibrating universe
It reaches deep as I sit

Alone
Shaking so silently
As if it could shatter
Now numb, yet absentmindedly

Alone
Because it vanishes
Among company and sound
And only creeps in when I am

Alone
My heart beats while I breath
The cosmos, it shivers
Then holds steady when I'm not

Alone
It is not an audible sound
Only heard in the silence
Peaceful and constant and

Alone

It's quiet
But only around me
It's loud
But from where, I can't see

I ask
Why do I lie awake
I answer
Because I cannot sleep

I scream
But it is quietly within
I whisper
And yet it rings in my ears

It's dark
Maybe I'll swallow a lightbulb
It's bright
So I'll turn off my phone