Its about suffering
Its about sobbing
Its about repenting
Its about cherishing
Its about the moon
Its about the smell after it has rained
after not raining for centuries
Its about the first step
towards the last
Its about the child
who grew up too fast
Its because it wasn't mine
Its because there wasn't time
Its because the alarm never went off
Its because there wasn't a clock
Its not my fault
It wasn't me
It was because I was waiting
for the right key

Is it the hot jalapeño
that makes the sauce
undesirable?
So much so that
the lavishing onion
sweet tomato
and bold garlic
mean nothing?
Down the sink because
it is too spicy for our mellow tongues.
Sauce speaks the loudest when
it makes us uncomfortable.

Shuffled steps.
Knuckles crunched.
Lilac Purple.
Cannot Soothe.
Tight jaws.
Loose words.
Endless compression.
It doesn't
go
away

They go on to love
Love the skin
That is not theirs.
Love the
Slumbering Curls
Of frail
Hair.
Splattered freckles across
Shoulders and chests.
The Market is grudgingly open.
Transactions take
Place without the
Clerk behind the register.
Reaching into the depths of the freezer
Returning with the
Morning ****.
They love
Merely because
They want to eat.

She shimmers in front of me, translucent.
Waiting.
Waiting for me to step inside.
I do.
I always do.
She animates and we walk through life.
We put away the dishes and put away our words
When Mom asks for another favor or Sister gets mad for no reason.
We give hugs and she feels the love course through her.
I don’t.
I’m buried inside.
We go to sleep at 12:30, then I get up and go to school.

A new girl shimmers in front of me, translucent and waiting
Waiting for me to step inside.
I always do.
She animates and we walk through life.
We do our work, always on time, and, always on time
The bells ring and we drift through the halls.
We laugh with friends and she feels satisfied. She fits in.
I don’t.
I’m buried inside.
We are free of school at 12:50, but she never leaves.

I jump from girl to girl, role to role-
The loving daughter and sister, the A+ student, the stable friend,
The peacemaker, the easygoing giver, the girl who wants to go into medicine,
The happiest, most smiley girl you’ll ever meet,
The girl that everyone else needs me to be.

I can live like this.
Someone always needs to give.

But I still wonder what it would be like to experience life-
And not just by sitting on a window sill, with a laptop on my knees-
I wonder what it would be like to experience life for myself
And not for everyone else.

Clocks don’t actually measure time correct.
Milliseconds, seconds, minutes, hours,
Wild mustangs follow time most direct.

Out of all of the animals, fish, flowers,
The beast of burden understands the best
How to measure time shards with their powers.

When the trust of other beasts is put in test
the mustangs go quick being fast to aim,
Their chipped hooves and powerful chests.

When the calm arrives, and the air is tame
The mustangs nurse the young and chew grasses
Peace has lasted until the next wave came.

Action and reaction, is how time passes.
Swells of time encroach with different patterns
On each species. Humans assigned dashes.