I took a shower in the dark today
Fully clothed under the warm water
Let it soak through every piece
Running down my face
As I sobbed
Screaming
I had an emotional breakdown today
All of my emotions pouring out of me
Every ounce of sadness and pain
Leaving my dry throat
Painful echos of the screams
Of my mother's death
I hurt myself again today
Let my anger and pain take over
Pulling out my beautiful blade
Let it run down my arms again and again
Leaving angry red lines
I left purple and yellow spots
I gave up today
Stopped holding it all in
For a couple of lonely hours
Left my sanity somewhere
Down the bathtub drain
There it goes

I am water,

I am rain,

I surpass all the pain.

I am earth,

I am rock,

I am the aftershock.

I am wind,

I am fire,

I am so much more,

Take me higher.

I am soul,

I am spirit,

Now silence!

So we can hear it.

This is not the end and I will defend.

Water, Earth, Wind, Fire, and Spirit.

pulling you through the needle eye of time

over my shoulder the dawn,
and the city’s scrapers sky glass have turned pastel

the sun has had a great time
being an agitated red eye
infected and watering, pooling and flooding and
drowning

blinding
indifferent
life-giving
same-time

the people asleep and the memories stain
with spells
promises and prayers

all infinite, and finite
wary of sentient
and one

drowsy hive mind
reoccurring dreams- a drive thru memory
passing through with
intermittent lucidity

If I had a time machine I would always set it to the same date, August 3rd, 2012.
To that sunny afternoon when I was oblivious of who you were,
to the exact moment when you casually came out and opened up a beer.
I wouldn't change a thing, I'll just relive the couriousity I felt towards you and how nervous I got when you sat next to me.
I would go back and try to figure out why I decided to stay up all night with someone I had just met
                       and I would do it all over again.
I would still show up the next day to my 24-hour shift without a minute of sleep because I knew then I had hit a breaking pioint,
                      where there was going to be a different me before and after you.

What is time?
Time is progress.
Time is regression.
Time is growth.
Time is deterioration.
Time is beginnings.
Time is endings.
Time is everything.
Time is nothing.
Time can't be grasped.
Time can't be stopped.
Time heals all wounds.
Time ends all things.
Time is limited.
Time is infinite.
Time can't be defined.
Time can be experienced.
What is time?

I wonder what it's like to be a free spirit
and show off my passions
and be proud of my art
and love myself.

Vagaries of emotion.
Attempted control by exhaustive thought,
Concentration.

We are to have them.
Why can we not simply turn off and on at will?
****** to obey that which is not logical.

In the hour of death, after this life’s whim,
When the heart beats low, and the eyes grow dim,
And pain has exhausted every limb—
  The lover of the Lord shall trust in Him.

When the will has forgotten the lifelong aim,
And the mind can only disgrace its fame,
And a man is uncertain of his own name—
  The power of the Lord shall fill this frame.

When the last sigh is heaved, and the last tear shed,
And the coffin is waiting beside the bed,
And the widow and child forsake the dead—
  The angel of the Lord shall lift this head.

For even the purest delight may pall,
And power must fail, and the pride must fall,
And the love of the dearest friends grow small—
  But the glory of the Lord is all in all.