Yesterday some files got stolen
Felt a numbness for long
As if some part of life got erased
No one said its coming, Alzheimer's; not a virus
Ironically, the latest to lose was,
The one on, 'Mitigating Risks'

A 'Stolen Report' was filed
The format wanted a lot of details
What, when, where and how
Penning them down was a struggle
After all, the life lost was beyond
"Time" and "Space", for Alzheimer

Life said "I can't bear this tension,
Pray hard to get those stolen things back"
Some random thoughts, some arguments,
Some evidence, some case law
Some reminders, some proofs, some records
"God, be kind enough to get me those- random thoughts back"

Yesterday I got robbed of:
My unblemished, false pride of never losing
My faith in "big brother" to watch me, over
My pseudo faculties of intuitions
My blind faiths in miracles, and
My impulses to get worked up

Yesterday, as I retired,
Rewinding the day and that dusk
My soul murmured to me
"5 o' clock will come anyway
Relish, those robbed by the stolen files.

(all rights with author)

Your bitter words make me
want to burn my tongue with tar.
It won't be these cigarettes that **** me-
but my family's words.

With your breath heavy from whiskey
you were never good after drinking a bottle.
Hot tears fall as you tell me to grow up.
I can't.

I keep
crushing my sunflowers in my palm.
Bleeding yellow and green earth
through white knuckles.
A gold that once littered our bedroom floor
between the articles of clothing.

I keep
praying for rain to quench the soil
but there's only deathly heat.
Apologies to the gods go unheard.

No one wants to listen to a girl crying
that her flowers are dead from the doing of her own hands.

With you, the ground felt solid
like I could pull myself from
this flooding basement, for good.

Skin drenched,
slippery shaking freezing skin.
You stretched your hands out,
held me till I grew warm.

The waves swelled
the surface grew rough.
With my finger tied to yours
you cut them loose,
left me to drown in myself.

How silly of me-
to think that I could flourish
in someone else's chest
when I can't stand
being trapped in my own.

Silly, silly, stupid girl.
You will always be alone.

How to find the words
for a feeling you've never had
and have always missed?

I never thought I'd be
Unstable

I never thought
I'd want to die

I never thought
The thought of cutting myself
Would be so appealing

How am I so
unstable?

I take all of these
pills
Just like I'm told

I talk to a counselor
But I still feel unwhole

It seems as if no matter what I do
I'm still unstable

My mind is in constant
panic

Thousands and thousands
Of whispers
Rush through my head

Everything up there
Has been painted black

So now I can't see
I can't hear
I can't do anything

Because I'm so
Unstable

My body moves
My body breaths
My heart pumps
My skin bleeds

But I'm....

I'm gone.....

I've disappeared

Never to be seen again

Because my mind...

*Is UNSTABLE

With my companions,
Depression and Nightmares, I
Am never alone.