i always thought
you were thru traffic
that you were just jet lag
background noise
the kiss in the rain
i've never had
but what if you aren't?
what if this
was the thousandth time
i have loved you?
what if this is just a fresh coat of paint?
what if god
keeps a handkerchief
soaked in the day we met
next to his bed?
maybe theres a reason
i reach for no one in bed
the way i would
if someone used to be there
you know, they say
the road behind us
is littered with things
we couldn't hold onto
i wonder how many times
you've slipped through my hands
like hour glass sand
do you know
how much erosion you've caused?
i heard cupid
stopped keeping count
of how many times
we came together
just to come apart again
maybe it was just a rumor
it makes me think
about how many times
i've almost had you
like if all this talk
about history repeating itself
endlessly replaying is true
i wonder how many times
things have happened already
like the time
i tried talking you
into loving me back
back fired
or the time i could have sworn
jesus & lazarus were playing chess
with my heartbeat
but it was only you smiling
how many times
have i tried to tell you
how many times
have you read this poem
how many times
have i tried not to meet you
in my dreams anymore
it's like sleep tries to warn
me of what's happening
before it does but
i keep having this dream
where i tell you bedtime stories
and each one
is a different way you die
and in every one
i can never save you
it's like you're this song
i have on repeat
and every time it starts over
i forget the words
it's like you picked up the book entitled "us"
and the back cover
said you'd leave
so you never bothered reading it
tell me you aren't
going back in that bookstore
just to do it again
or will you tell me tomorrow?
or is this the time
you don't say anything at all?
if this has all happened before
if we call it quits
before we begin
again
from the beginning
i just want to ask you
to be my fire
because i am tired
of these old lives
and i'd like to see them
burn

An oasis in a parched terrain
A rhyme in a dull refrain
In a storm a place to hide
A ******* in a riptide.

Going down, a parachute
Monday morning, short commute.
Summer day a scarf of silk
Warm cookies, a glass of milk.

Chocolate sundae the cherry on top,
Dangerous street a friendly cop.
A sturdy rope down the abyss
Tucked in bed a goodnight kiss.

I am human
I am selfish
and sometimes selfless
I am broken
and sometimes whole
I am unintellectual
and sometimes full of knowledge
I am capable
and sometimes insecure

I am destructive
and sometimes constructive
I am emotionless
and sometimes too emotional
I am happy
and sometimes far too upset
I make sense
and sometimes I'm just contradictory

But there's one thing I had in mind
throughout the construction of this poem.

*I am who I am,
And nothing you say or do,
Will make me feel otherwise.

I sat watching
the two actors in the cold room
i was patient and calm
while they were about to
**** themselves
waiting to carry on

My instructor then said,

“I want you to ask your partner something
dark, something you would never ask them
in a million years”

the walls went quiet
and all nerves struck
like a chord
patient and calm
disappeared after he
said each of those words

One of them was shaking
while the other was grimacing
And that's when the shaking one asked,

“Have you ever thought to yourself,
maybe you'd be better off not living?”

The grimacing man,
was now blank and white
like a sheet of paper
or a snowy night

And the shaking man,
was still shaking.

Calcimine
My head is full of blood
Brain is a damp hot piece of meat
**** hot wet useless

Calcimine
My skull is calcium waste
Cranium cradling USDA grade A
****

Calcimine
My heart is knocking on my breastplate
Good, it knows that my body is tainted
It’s a-knock knock knocking at a coach whip pace

Calcimine
Irises flooded by curious pupils
Open wide swell
Absorbing dizzying light

Calcimine
Side lamp belongs on the floor
Shattered stacks smashing objects
At the mercy of my car wash arms

Calcimine
I can feel Satan waiting assured
Ready to accept my blood sack body
Liars and cheats all go to hell

Calcimine
My head is a feverish cardinal
Still my face, though hell awaits, guards the fact
And I do, I drench my febrile skull

Calcimine

I'm more
strung out on pictures,
Than she's ever been,
And she's the one
shooting up,
******,

So I'm not surprised,
I can't let you in.

Yeah, I think this is fine.
I don't want to,
Call you mine.

Still In my eyes,
You can do no wrong.
And for every smile,
I could write a song.

Then when you fell asleep,
Right in my arms,
It was like the world,
Could do us no harm.

Yes,

It was all a dream,
For a little while,
I just hope you know,
That It made me,

Smile

Lay vacant in the dirt, keep licking your wounds
Tear off meat from the corpses, feed off the 'what ifs'
Waste away with ghosts of what could've been
Let yourself disintegrate along with a future that never came to be

Or

Pick yourself up. Directly apply anesthetic on the flesh. Ready the tourniquet.
Brush off the dirt. Walk through the graves.
The dead cannot be offended.
Cross over tomb stones
Step on the flowers.
The dead cannot be offended.
Leave the prayer beads
Leave the dampness of your cheeks
Leave the begging and the screaming
The dead cannot hear your prayers
The dead cannot wipe your tears
The dead cannot comfort
The dead cannot be offended


Do not dig up graves
They are dead
Leave them to rot

Walk out. All the way out.
Leave the dead where they are meant to be, and let life in.