embedded in the most tenebrous corner of my mind,
harlequin memories of serendipity,
dripping like bittersweet wine,
tantalize me,
begriming what was once an unsoiled canvas.

engulfed in my despondency,
I repose homely
until my mind's taste-buds
savor the saccharine flavors
of its own derisive thoughts.

aroused to say the least,
my mind's libido is now being satisfied.
I lie here,
welcoming all that my thoughts and epiphanies have to offer.
I am unable to disclose what's bestowed to me
but that's irrelevant.

My mind is here...
and open
and anticipating
the pleasing rush
of these thoughts that venture through my head.

The pleasure is overwhelming,
forcing my chakras open
as my ajna awakens from its long slumber.

I crave this foreplay
and I plead with the universe
to make it never-ending
but it seems my cries fall upon deaf ears
and I'm left open-minded
and unfinished.

I lit another cigarette and as I watch the smoke trailing from my mouth, I realized that the way I love you is no different than this vice.
It destroys me, makes me ache all over and my lungs take in every molecule of oxygen like its their first...that's the way I feel when I think of you.
I know that it's bad for me but I can't let go of it same as my love for you which you will never return. I want to say I love you but I'm afraid you would not say it back;just like I want to continue living but I can't resist finishing another pack.
The flames catch on and I'm surrounded by smoke like sadness whispering and waiting for comfort. I know I should stop but I can't.

Maybe I'll quit until I can't go on anymore.

Am I talking about the cigarette or you?

Well, the chemicals swirling in my bloodstream can possibly take my life but you refuse to be in mine. A broken heart is infinitely more painful than a frail body.

So I smoke one after another so I won't tell the difference between my lungs gasping for air and my heart aching for you.

When I say you're the love of my life, I mean it. My literal soul mate. I'll do anything and sacrifice everything for your happiness. There's nothing I want more than to make you my wife and live the rest of our days happily. I can't wait to explain to our kids how we found each other and tell them the perfect love story about high school sweet hearts. I want them to believe in what we have.

maybe...
maybe it's okay to lose people.
maybe they're supposed to stay
for a little while;
they are only vessels of
tiny reminders such as
let the pain remind you
that you can still feel
and
so now you know
why not to trust and get attached.
maybe...
maybe it's okay
to leave people.
maybe we're supposed to leave
because they're poisonous
- or maybe we are -
either way,
when it's not right,
someone's got to leave.

Red, red is the color of my hunger,
like the blood that flows from the cut
on my left ring finger. Like the rose that
withered on                  my front door step.
Like the color               of my cheeks or
the echoing of a bruise. Your hunger
is a darkness that is simply
nothing, like            a black hole of
constantly               collapsing stars
that shine                  like an angler fish’s
allure. Like                a deep, deep green
that feeds                   upon the beautiful.
Like a hypnotic            blue that envelopes
you in a trance              of one thousand pounds.

when i sleep, i dream. when i dream i

i am lost in the woods little bird lost in the woods alone in the woods
so small so young so green
i grow
as i have grown
as i will grow
my mind melts
mutates
i am someone else
i have lost all meaning
everything has lost
all
i am grown
i have grown
i will grow
as i float i am growing
as i fight i am growing
i remember little bird
lost in the woods alone in the woods
all alone
all
who am i? who was i?
who am i becoming?
have i forgotten?
or did i ever know
and where is the future
where is my future
why so intangible
why so unmanageable
where is the knowing
where is the sense of stability
where is the meaning i was promised?
who promised
who said
who
left me alone, all alone, alone, little bird, alone in the woods,
who am i?
(then in a hundred different voices) who am i?
where am i?
why am i?

when i sleep, i dream. when i dream, i am lost. i try to stay awake
to hold my mind awake
an object in motion will stay in motion
oh let not me rest
maybe if i stay awake
if i work harder
all the time
i wont lose.