I was at the entrance
of the high-rise apartments
and I phoned my grandma upstairs
and she offered me her instructions:
“Well, Josie…I’m at 354
you got to hit the green, square button
with your elbow
at the entrance where you are;
and I’ll release open the glass doors
and then go to the lift on the right
and punch the button with your elbow
and then get in and punch 3
with your elbow
and then when you are up on 3
look for Unit 54
and punch on its button with your elbow
and I’ll open the door”

“OK, easy, grandma…
But why am I punching all these
buttons with my elbow?”

“What?” my grandma screamed.
*“You mean you are coming empty-handed?”

Just another name scribbled in the corner of my notebook.

blank your icy eyes and confuse my melting heart
entice me with words that could tear me apart
just put your lips on mine and make me breathe you in
so I can taste the fear that you hide deep within
paint your hopes with hands and a purple palette
on a canvas like mine that's used to being target
to all forms of hurting and substance misuse
don't show me your love just your love of abuse

Scars
Remind me of my past.

Sometimes, when I'm alone sit down
and view every scar on my skin.

This was caused by a kid in high school
this was because of my parents
and this was for when you didn't love me back.


They're still there.
Forever I will be reminded that you was here and what I went through.

Yes, I made ​​them myself.
And unlike the majority of regret,
in those moments everything felt right.

I'm not in it for the upset, or to create regret.
But just to get it done. I was going to do it. I needed it.

Words swirls in her mind
They are silent
They are deadly
They are beautiful
They are white
They are black
One says,"Breathe your dead already."
The other says,"Choke you'll live."
The final words escape her she says,"I'm ****** ."

I used to look at my walls,
thinking that was my writing.
But as time heals this heart
I see the words in your scrawl.

And when the monsters came
I thought it was my fault -
Like you said it was.
Me and my over-thinking, lingering.

But this darkness grows thin,
the truth seeps through,
like a weeping wound
from the folds of your heart.

All this time I was weak,
I tore myself apart.
Blind to the pieces
of your crumbling walls.

The monsters that come now,
Are from your Regrets
which haunt your soul,
staring through mirrored eyes.

Avoidance tears at our old wounds,
as you try to erase the intimacy shared.
Blanketing the memories in shadows,
so even the beauty twists into vulgarity.