I'll run through the streets, jumping in front of cars
I need a rush and a better way to feel
This is my own personal war.
I'm determined to win more than ever.

I failed my mother – she failed me first.
All through childhood I held your hand as you wept –
You sighed and cried and denied a mothers love.

I was twelve when I sliced my first cut –
I weaved artistic patters all over my arm,
Each hack felt like a distorted piece of sympathy.

You have been cured for many years –
The disease was just passed, unquestioned to me.
You have never asked, or even glanced twice.

Last night I saw you crying –
Your friends’ daughter had cut – it was a tragic devastation.
Everyone was making plans, dinners, lunches, supportive hugs.
You went to help – to empathise like her mother never could.

I have never punished myself for attention,
It’s a sad and sick release from my insanity – for me.
You birthed me and gave me life, fed and clothed my pathetic body.

I know there is so much that I can never repay –
I know I failed to make you happy when I was young –
But why do you give this girl a mother’s love??
When all I have are forced hugs -

in the night
we toss and turn
we battle and fight
but i want nothing more
than your body against mine
than your fingers entangled in mine
than your cool skin against the heat of mine

in the night
we seek a position
we look for comfort
but i want nothing more
than your lips against mine
than your hands on my skin
than your heavy breathe on my neck

in the night
we fight for  space
we steal the blankets
but i want nothing more
than your heart in my hands
than your thoughts in my head
than your words to embrace me again

i want nothing more...
but dear i could use some sleep

it's pouring rain outside and I'll I can think about is you

how if you were here

I would kiss you out there

in the pouring rain

until it stopped

Write
because everything needs to be written

like bud's bloom.