something
i wish for
is for
someone to love
me

people joke
but there's a twist
they joke about terrible
things

they joke about
suicide and
mental states
why do they do that?

something i want
is for something to just
go my way for
once

i want
for someone to be
kind and
acknowledge me

rain falling outside my window
represents all of
the tears of the world

dripping
and the droplets
of the sky
cling on to trees

like i cling on to hope

suicidal thoughts cloud
my head every day
i always
push
them away

falling into depression
both the suffering
cell-mate and
the cruel jailer

i want the door to swing open
and to be free

but with bad things
repeatedly happening
i don't think it'll open

no friends
school is hell
my sister hates me
my dog doesn't even love me

get out of this hell
maybe live in another world
being a fangirl
that would truly make me happy

because is there anything in this world
that wants me?

before you decide
i am your friend
here's something you should know
about me

i am
insecure
depressed

i may look happy
but that's not
the truth

i don't
belong

someone has always
found a way
to remind me that
life is hell
and can i trust
you?

all of my friends
that were real have
left me
and if they
weren't real
well
you know the rest
how that plays out

if you want to be
my friend
listen up

my friends
don't lie to me
friends don't keep a simple
secret bottled up
friends
don't leave you in the
dust
leaving you waiting

friends are honest
kind
tell me if they change their mind
and are patient

but those friends have
already left my side

so tell me
can you live up to this?

can you be my friend?

no
you don't want to be my friend
you're just another one of the fakes
and if you truly
want to help me

i am begging you
stay by my side a little
longer

longer
longer
be a friend that tells me
if you're leaving
so that i can at least
get to see you in person again
before you move
across the country

and i'm left holding my hand
out
to a ghost of a friendship
that was once real
but now nonexistent

if you want to know me
stay by my side
and don't leave me
like all of my friends
before

what is fear?

there can be many definitions

a hard word to define

fear is
falling into the abyss
falling into depression
worrying that you'll never fly back up to
the clouds labeled
"happiness"

fear is
rain
sprinkling off
a car
as the lights
reflect off a
young girl
lying in the
road

fear is
not knowing what lies
in the shadows
as your flashlight
only spreads
out a small part
of the land
and a shriek
fills the air

fear is
many things

not a singular item

but a million miniscule thoughts
and people
not just people but
everyone feels
fear

one thing they
wonder
is if
they will ever feel
relief
or never feel again

why
do i
have to go to
school

suffering
my teachers
get paid

but no one else does
we must
work
and work
and work

until we are
"smarter"

oppressed to be
"creative"
but they don't want us to be
creative
do they

the smart
know
that we are being worked

so that we can get a
job

but we are already working a
job

and we're not being paid

work
work
and work some
more

all-nighters just
to survive the
drowning
of homework

i want to escape
from this
hell
they call
"learning"

i'm in bed
but i'm falling

which is it?

both realities
feel very real and
what could it possibly be

cuddled up in bed
very safe
or falling into an open abyss
falling
falling
falling

i am
a girl
but some people
might see me
differently

because i don't look like
the average girl
i can be called a
boy
just because of my short hair

i don't like
frilly or lacy
clothes
i prefer casual plain
shirts
plain dresses
and does that mean i'm not a girl?

no, it doesn't

it means i don't fit the
social norms and
stereotypes don't fit me
the only stereotype that might
work for me
is that smart people
wear glasses

but then
people will still judge
me
people will still
hate me and
people will still
misunderstand me

but the most important thing
is for me to try
then maybe i'll have a
real friend

drip
drip
drip

the rain
falls
streaming into the
gutters that led below

falls
running down the rivets of
dancing umbrellas like
sprinters in a
race, each drop competing to be
the first to hit the ground

droplets fall and
hang
from leaves and
fall
onto the wet earth
slowly the
next drop falls and the
next

small creatures hide in
their cozy hollows of
trees they call
home
watching the tears of the sky
fall

umbrellas that were just
weaving through crowds of
others just
moments ago
are set to dry on porches
and the umbrellas are
soaked
and their tears start to
hit
the
ground

drip
drip
drip