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the one who you trusted
the one who you told your secrets to
the one who you loved
broke your heart in a flash
with just a few words

all of those happy moments
down the drain
all of those promises
are gone

vanished like a winter storm
now it's just another day
every single ounce of us
was broken with the lack of trust
It's too true. All of the stupid lies.
~a.~
 Apr 2014 Porsche Newell
Laila M
6 months
23 different treatments
15 different medicines
nothing, nada, nope, no results.

The pain in my head
is not one I'd ever wish on anyone,
not even my worst enemy.

A migraine
every second
of
every day
even while sleeping
is something no one should endure

I dream about headaches... is that weird?

ouch. agh. ugh.
it's been 6 months, non-stop of people saying:
"time is the best medicine"
"don't lose hope"
"you're young, young minds heal fast."
but my favorite:
"Laila, I promise, you'll be better in a week"

Well doc, it's been 23 weeks, what's up?

honestly,
it's now a joking matter.
one of which I laugh with my friends about
I laugh at the fact that I don't remember 95% of the last 6 months
Not because I find it humorous
but because I've been given 23 different "Laila, I'm telling you this "insert treatment here" will work! It works for 99% of the people that do it."

I am the 1%
ha.
actually, I'm in the .25% of teens still experiencing concussion- related symptoms after 6 months of the hit.
Yay for minorities!

and now,
get this,
my treatment
after spending thousands on hyperbaric chambers, freaky boulderite "healing gods", gag-worthy chinese herbs
is yoga.
To tell you the truth
I don't much care
if you love another
because to be completely honest
I've never liked your hair
I've always wished it was light brown

Don't change for me
just be yourself
just stay the same
don't be a fool like everybody else

And I don't really care
so I won't tell anymore lies
now this might make you cry
but truth be told
I've never liked your eyes
I've always wished they were hazel

Don't lose yourself
amongst the crowd
you gotta sing it out
you gotta make sure you're loud
when you tell the world
I'm not gonna be like you

And I'm sorry to tell you this
I don't want us to be foes
and I won't try to hide the truth from you
because I think you should know
I've never liked your clothes
who are you pretending to be

There's no one quite like you
don't change for them
so just shout it out as loud as you can
I won't change for you because this is who I am

Now again I fear I must tell you
that what I say is true
and I don't want to seem mean
but  I know its kinda true
I've never quite liked you
you better change
you better be exactly how I want you to be
no...
Because I'm happy with my self
I love my hair
and I don't much care
because I still love my eyes
no more listening to your lies
and I love my clothes
because its what I chose
but most of all I love being me
now I see
i don't need you here
why are you still standing there
why don't you go
and criticise yourself
you're not perfect
you're no better than anybody else
we're
all
the
same...
Oh universe
I love you so much
and that's why I just don't understand
why everything I touch
just seems to die
but if I could reach you
yeh if I could reach up high
I'll tell you all, I'll reach the stars
I'll reach past the sky.

And now
there's only so much minutes left in the day
and if I could reach out
I'd let my time slip away
just to be with you
oh just to be with you...
I'll tell you, that's what I'll do.

But if I could reach the stars
I'll tell you, I'd just  keep going
and we'd find out where we are
because there's a simple comfort in knowing
and the stars
yeh those little lights still glowing

We've reached the end
and now we're falling apart
can't pull ourselves together
because we don't know where to start

and now we're drifting away
from each other
no signs, no way
to find one another

if we go
our seperate ways
I'll still try to find you though
and where are you
I still don't know
but inside both our hearts are dying
so...

if I reach out
will you reach for my hand
if I reach for yours
and...
you slip away
so...
we're still drifting
further and further away

oh universe...
9 years today.

Seems like it's been a lot longer honestly.

Feels like a lifetime.

I really hope I've made you proud.

...

Though I'm guessing I haven't.

I'm a bit of a failure now'a'days.

I think it's hard for mom to love me sometimes.

This year's been really hard.

Because she fought cancer, just like you.

But she won.

Now I know how much it took from you.

And I feel selfish, for feeling this weak.

But man if you were here,

I think it'd be easier

Because even thought I'm a failure

I know you'd still love me

And I could really use that right now

To hear you say it

But we don't always get what we want

Otherwise,

You'd still be here.
You can love them or you can hate them.
They are good and they are bad.
There is the angel of love,
There is the angel of death.
The angel of love,
He brings good things to life.
The angel of death,
He just takes it away.
Now the angels of love and death,
They can be alike.
They are both uncontrollable,
They are both unpredictable.
There are also many more differences.
They angel of love adds to your soul,
Although the angel of death takes from it.
One fights to keep your heart beating,
While the other fights to stop it.
The angel of love brings only that,
The angel of death brings only sorrow.
The angel of love, he is benevolent,
Nevertheless the angel of death, he is merciless.
Some days its real,
The smile she wears.
But most days its not,
It is nothing more than a mask.
A mask that she puts on,
So no one will see.
The hurt deep inside.
The feelings that churn.
That smile you see,
She has learned to wear it.
So no one asks questions,
So she doesn't have to explain.
Her beautiful mask,
If only you knew,
What truly lies underneath.
Lost.
sitting,
wondering.
I don't know,
what to do.
I don't know,
what to say.
I feel so,
Lost.
Wandering through life.
I thought I had a plan,
yet I feel so lost.
I'm not sure what I want,
not sure where to go.
Scared,
trembling,
confused.
It may seem that all is,
clear to me,
that I know just what to do.
Yet I feel so lost,
scared,
confused.
I need a way out,
out of this fog.
Can anybody help?
Is anybody there?
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