i've often wondered what the point of life is,
ans after 18 years of life i don't think i've gotten anywhere,
by anywhere i mean the point in life,
but i have found an answer for some of my problems,
and that answer i can thank seasick steve for,

and heres his answer and mine,

"So lighten up have a cup of my happy golden drink
it will taste strong to begin with, but you’ll get used to it I think.
It’ll wash away your sorrows and soak up your concern.
Only trouble when you wake up… not a single tables turned."

and to be honest i have gotten used to it,
to the taste and effect,

so tonight ladies and gentleman join me and have a glass if my favourite drink,
drown away or sorrows and soak up our concerns,
because the sky is not baby blue,
and our flats and house which aren't all pristine,

and have a cup of whisky and join me,
while we count away the night till the bells ring,
to bring through the new year,
heres to hoping that whisky won't be my favourite drink.

Cheers.

Sometimes the best thing to do,
Is the hardest thing of all to do,
It's hard because it means letting go,
Letting go of the ones you love and hold dear,
Letting go of all hopes and dreams,
Letting go of the wistful thoughts you once held onto,

And I've come to realise that me,
Myself,
I've already done most of that,
Let go of dreams,
Of the wishes and hopes,
It's the people that I haven't let go of yet,
Because they keep holding on,
Why do they not see what I really am,
A dreadful poison,
One that rots your heart and soul,
One that kills you from the inside out,
Why do they hold on,
Why do they want me to live.

I don't know,
I just want them to understand that I don't want to be here anymore,
Don't want to have to deal with all the crap,
All the pain,
The scares,
And cuts,
The people who pour the salt into the wounds,

I just want to go so I won't hurt anyone else....

Merry Christmas everyone,
May your day been filled with happiness,
And your hearts full of joy,
This little plot of words,
Is  my wish to you,

Merry Christmas
Be happy,
Eat till you can't move,
And open presents till there's no more paper left,

And look foreward to the future.

**

The sound of the wet stone against the straight razors edge,
The rhythmic sound it makes as it grinds the narrow blade,
It's like a song what the cries to be heard yet no hears,
I hear it every night I hear it,
Mabey because that's because I'm the one playing it I don't know,

But I hear it and feel it,
The slow first cut the one with all the pressure,
The skin opens and the red crimson blood spills over the edges,
The ecstasy,
The thrill,
It's unbelievable,
So I do it agin and again,
I forget why I started,
I forget the reason,
But all that matters now is the feeling,
Pure as light it's self,

I play that song and relalise,
That the first cut is always the deepest.

every day i ******* my armour,
tighten the breast plate,
pull on my greaves,
and ******* the sword that kills so many,

everyday its this same routine,
get up put the armour on,
and go out to battle,

everyday its the same line up,
the same people at my side,
who scream the same war cry,
but i realise that now,
the war cries don't scare anyone,
the charging lines of men,
and the clashing of shields,
have become a chore not a deadly game of death,

i trade blows with men as if it were nothing,
i joke to my self thinking what a shame i just sliced his throat open,
but really if i hadn't he would have done the same to me,
but is that really the reason why i fight is it why i keep trading blows,

but i don't know anymore,
maybe on day ill forget to bring the shield,
then the armour and finally the sword,

its a losing battle,
a battle that isn't about swords and shields,
but emotions and words,
with a battle everyday to stay alive,
but it is a losing battle,
and each day i forget something everyday,

its a losing battle and i don't know how long i can hold the line.

I don't know why,
But I feel empty inside,
Lost even,
There's just nothing left to give,
Like I'm floating in space,
And dropping like a stone in a lake with nothing to hold on to,

I don't know why,
But this emptiness seems like home,
Bring empty means there's no pain,
I like that,
No pain.

I don't know why,
But I may just let the emptiness.
Stay.

Some times I get lost,
Not in real life,
But in my head,
I get lost within my own thoughts,
The whirl winds of word that could have been said,
Should have been said,
Get lost within the endless possibilities,
The could haves,
Should haves,
And of course,
I get lost in the memories,
Not the happy ones,
Not the ones that make me smile and laugh,
But the ones that make me cry and shake on pain, in loss and sorrow,

Even now laying here,
I'm lost in those same memories,
And I can't escape them,

Can't escape the pain,
And the bone shattering force of sadness,
The cold tracks of my tears are the reminder that I will never be able to change what happened,

I get lost and even now I can't find a way out.

“Expose yourself to your deepest fear;
after that,
fear has no power,
and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes.
You are free.”

a single quote,
and yet i cannot face my deepest fear,
not even for freedom.

i sit here,
watching the moon,
watching the smoke from my cigarette,
streaming from lips,
curling up into the air,
and i always wish that i was the smoke,
O the pleasure i would have floating through the sky,
flying with the wind,
winding my way through the trees,
completely free,
free of pain,
of sadness,
of loss,
free of your memory,
free of your voice,
free to let you go,
but like the smoke of my cigarette,
its smoke lingers in my lungs,
like you linger in my mind,
the smoke kills me slowly,
and your memories pull me down,

so i sit here and wish that i was the smoke,
floating into the sky.

When it is nearly over
When the pain is gone
When the lies and anger ceases
And winter is my friend

'I watch as he destroys
the one I leave behind
no power left inside
And winter takes a hold

He ruined my self respect
He ruined my childrens lives
The anger and the tantrums
Are frozen now in time

Hurting and then the sorrow
The shouting and the pain
The lies and lies and lies
Winter at its worst

Emptiness surrounds me
And walls I build to keep
My sanity is fading and I know I am on the brink
Of losing my existence and will to fight the foe

When I finally have the courage
To walk away and say
I will not be bullied and I will not lay down and die
Is when the spring will melt away all the hurt of winter time

Do not worry,
im fine,
im okay,
i do not tear at my skin,
i do not raise the razor blade,
i do not watch the blood as it flows down my arms,

Do not worry,
you do not see what i do,
you do not feel what i feel,
you do not share my nightmares,

Do not worry,
for you have not seen my past,
and you do not see my future,

Do not worry
because you do not have my heart,
and nor do you have my soul,
for that is a dark thing full of pain.

Do not worry.

I remember once in church,
when i used to go,
before i lost my faith,
a quote, one that has stuck with me all these years,

“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.”

it was a quote which gave me strength,
and hope,
hope in the fact that i was not alone in the face of danger,
in the face of loss and death,

but the funny thing is,
hope is a lie,
as it that quote,
when we walk in the valley of death in the shadow of pain,
we are alone no one stands with us,
no one give us strength or courage,

these are forged by us,
courage,
hope,
strength,
we must build these,
we must create these to survive,

because the valley of death is a harsh place,
a place where one wrong step,
can lead you to your hearts fears,
and your souls pain,

because when,
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
we walk alone and must forge our own path.

these four walls,
they close me in,
hold me tight,
lock me away from the world,

these four walls remain,
where no one else has,
where friends and family and stepped away,
where love seeps away,

these four walls are all i have.

Lies,
sweet and sometimes sour,
but mostly sweet,
sweet as they leave the lips of those who say them,
and sweet to the ears that soak up those words,

they drip from the lips like honey,
and clog up like sout in a chimney,
they stop all the truth and let only lies through,

lies are used by all,
from couples through to lovers,
from one man to another,
from a women to a child,
they are in many cases seen as a way of hiding the truth,
the truth that bears the pain of life.

but for all who read this,
i sit here wrting these words and know to myself,
that i cannot bear the lies of others anymore,
i listen to those sweet seductive lies,
how they pour into me,
"i love you",
"i care",
i can no longer stand beside the fakes of this world,

id much rather stand alone then be flooded with lies,
be flooded with sorrow,
sorrow because i know that those words are lies.

lies all of them,
*lies

people tell me how to lead my life,
they bully me into it,
they try and mould me,
and try and tell me its simple,
and they tell me that i will bend under there will,

But this is where i say good bye to "them" because since i could think for myself,
i realised that actually life is complicated,
people lie and cheat,
they steal and ******,
they are sly and they use you,

i realised that to be my own person to find my way,
i had to take a different path,
so instead of following in the foot steps of those before me,
i didn't lie or cheat i didn't steal or ******,
all i did was to take what they gave,
and that is pain.

and i realised that,
really thats all we ever feel,
pain

it simple and easy to understand,
it hurts,
it burns,
it makes us cry,
it makes us want to die,

but we don't die we take that pain and turn it on others,
in wars and fights,
by bullying,
by ******,
by picking on the weak and pretending that we,
are strong.

when actually we are weak,
so weak we find it hard to stand in the morning,
we regret our actions,
we regret the words that have said,
and think to our selves,
why, why did i do it.

so when those people tell me how to lead my life,
and they bully me and hurt me,
i take it,
over and over again,
some say that thats being strong,
but me personal i think its because im weak,
and i cant stand the fact if i get off he floor ill just be beat back down,

but sometimes thats what we need to do,
to get up,
to take the pain,
and stand up,
stand strong,
and take control,
and lead our own lives.

what is the meaning of life?

some say its to find love,
others say its get rich or die trying,
some even say its to die,

there are many people who have searched for a meaning,
religious men believe the point in life is to get to there heaven to meet there maker,
the pessimists say there is no point in life they don't see why they should care,

Tbh i don't know who i'm inclined to believe,
in all honesty i believe in my own meaning of life,

"the meaning of life is different from each person, there is no one answer that fits all, there is no  easy answer either, we ourselves have to find our own meaning, our own passion and drive"

i myself find that the meaning of life is to live,
to run, jump, fight, cry, laugh and love,
to feel everything thing that you can possibly feel,
both good and bad.

the meaning of life to me is to live like everyday is your last
because really we only live once.

so to everyone who reads this,
Smile, laugh go to your friends have a beer, go to your loved ones and embrace them like you haven't seen them in years,
because if we truly live once,

*live it likes your last day

Just leave me
I'm not worth saving
Not worth protecting
Not worth anything
So just leave me
Leave me to die.

Think I might just let go this time.
Say good bye.
And fall away like the autum leaf.

To let my soul rest at last.
Have peace.
To stop the fighting the worrying the pain.

Lettin go is easy.
The goodbyes won't be big.
Don't have anyone left to say good bye to.

It's a bitter sweet end tbh.
With out pain there would never be.
Peace.

There's no word
Or action
Or book
Or person
Who can describe what it's like
To truly give up

There is no reason
Nothing
That's just it there's nothing

I've tired and tried
For the love of god I've tried
For friends
Family and loved ones

But there's nothing left
Nothing to try for anymore

So I'm giving up
As I've said in poems before
I'm becoming the empty shell

That nothing
Just something that used to be and is
No more.

Giving up

There used to be man who could stand up to anything,
To the pain and violence of people both loved ones and hated,
He used to be able to be the sheild for his family and friends,
But now stands an empty shell,
Lost never foun and never to be a man to stand up,
I am that empty shell there's nothing left inside,
Nothing to fill me up,
Nothing to give me hope,
I've lost myself once again,
I'm disconnected from life and everyone in it,
Like the wind I float along no purpose but to pass through the lives of everyone I meet,
Never to be rembeted,
Never to be held dear,
Never to be loved,
I am but a small shell of nothingness,
So there once was a man who could
Stand up to everything,
I was that man but now,
I am nothing,
Empty,
Ad floating away,
Lost on the wind,
Floating through lives,
No one wants a shell.

So I will go away travle the winds Mabey they will carry me to place far away.

For I once was but am no more.

Too much ******* noise,
All these people shouting and screaming,
Yelling at me,
It's painfully all I want is silence pece,
But no all these people just want to pull at me,
Pull me into maddens sand insanity,
All I want is silence and peace,
But these ******* just won't give in,
Please I'm begging you,
Let me be,
Let me fade away,
Let me fall away,
Just let me go.

It's that feeling like you've forgotten something,
Like leaving a door open,
Or leaving a light on,
That feeling plagues me day and night,
But it's not about a door or light or any of those such things,
It's more a feeling that I have forgttten how to feel,
To let go of reason and logic and to just love,
That feeling that I have it's like there should be something here but instead there's nothing,
It's not just that though there are these thoughts floating around like a feather in the wind,
Drifting to place unknown,
To place forgotten,
And hidden from view,
Thoughts about the people around me,
About friends family and people at work,
It's like I can see them talk to them but my mind sees them ever slowly drifting away,
But instead of my feet and legs running after them,
They are stuck steadfast to the ground,
Unable or unwilling I don't know neither do I understand,
Then come the ideas both good and bad,
Do I tell her don't I tell her,
What would they think,
These are the question that surround the ideas in my head,
Or should I say dream,
Fantasy a fairy tale of love unconditional love and happiness,
But alas she has her Prince Charming,
And he, well he has his horse and armour in waiting,
Do I grab my mallet and sword to plunge through his steel armour or do I wait,
For this this evening was only random.

I worry so much about you,
About how you feel,
What you feel,
Wether it's pain sadness or happiness,
I worry all the time,
I worry or that fact that I will not always be here for you,
That one day you'll need me a I won't be able to come,
I worry that no matter how hard I try,
You will take the most painful route,
Of death pain and sorrow,
I worry all the time ,
I worry over little things and bigs,
But my worrying is justified because I care,
And I care with all my body mind heart and soul,
About you,
So I worry all the time.

Your trust and Friendship with me is more dear then anything that I have,
It is not your fault you are no ***** or *** but you are human,
And I don't blame you for that never will I blame you for that,
The solitude was not created be you alone there are others both near and far,
Family and friends of old and new,
I do not want to stress you, hurt you or anything like that,
All I want is to do to you what you do me,
To forget the pain and the things that burden us may that be for a momeant or a lifetime,

It's not your fault for my solitude it is my own.

Theres a certain clarity in solitude,
A solitude created by someone who you thought was there for you,
Who said they would be there for you,
Who said they would meet you and make you smile,
A solitude created by someone who you thought cared for you,
Who you thought would take away your fears and replace them memories of happiness,
who you thought would warm your heart,
That clarity is simple some people only care about until they have no need of you,
Until they need you to care for them,
To look after them,
To hold them,
To take away there fears,
There pain,

Solitude gave me the answer today.
A small thing it is to realise what your worth to people,
And when that worth seems to be nothing,
everything be comes clear.

Violence,
its simple
its easy
its pure,
theres nothing complex about violence,
there doesn't need to be a motive or a reason,
its just there,
as a voice,
as a physical force,
as pure emotion,
violence doesn't need to be made complex,
violence doesn't need a reason,
its part of nature our nature,
we fight,
we ****,
we ******,
violence is everywhere in our everyday life,
everyday violence is committed and used,
so **** this PC crap,
**** the PC crap or turn the other cheek,
**** society the one that tells me i'm wrong for being angry,
**** the people to tell me to calm down who have no clue,
who don't know how it feels to beaten and abused,
**** this PC society who believe Violence doesn't exist.

Violence is simply, its easy and clean.
**** the people who believe it doesn't exist,
**** the people who have no clue about pain.

Violence is here it always has been and always will be.

Detached,
Separate,
Lost,

These three words embodied the feeling that i have,
Lost in space,
Lost in time,
Separate from society,
Separate from my family,
Detached from this body,
Detached from this mind,

Its like a rain drop falling from the highest cloud,
Falling with no destination,
Falling on a path to destruction,

Its like a leaf falling from the highest branch in autumn,
Dead,
Dropped,
Left behind,
Nothing to hold it in place,
Nothing to keep it living,

Its like my mind had emptied,
Like a dam opens the flood gates and lets it all out,
Noting left inside,
But the mechanics of a living thing,
Hardly living at that,

These mechanics just wering away,
Keep going like its on auto pilot,
Just moving working with no path or destination in mind,
Just a machine,
Just a thing,

Detached,
Separate,
Lost,

These three words represent how i feel,
Left on auto pilot,
An unknown destination,
Just moving and working.

Never let go,
Hold on tight,
Because im never letting go,
Im not going to let you go down alone,
I wil give you my strength to help you fight on,
To help you every hurdle,
To break through every wall,
I will not let go,
So hold on tight,
And never let go.

sitting on the edge,
letting the water rush past,
the mist crawling over my skin,
the coldness spreading over me like a trickle of rain,

but all of a sudden the trickle turns into a torrent,
washing me all over pushing everything from my head and heart,
making my body tense up and lose control,

this torrent is like a dam,
its held back but then the flood gates open,
and it all comes crashing over me,

(because **** when i think of you my body gives up all my thoughts are on you, lust is a n evil thing it is a flood and it is never ending)

then as soon as the gates were open they close,
leaving me empty of all feeling,
with the fleeting memories of you,
your voice,
your touch,
your breath against my neck,

Lust you evil ***** why do you so this when all i try do is forget you bring it all back up to the surface.

I want it gone this feeling inside
This feeling of longing
This feeling of loss
This pang of guilt

I want it gone this pain inside
This ember that burns my soul
The fire which darkens my mind

I want them gone the ghosts
Your ghosts you left them here
You left your laugh echo in my house
You left your voice in my ear
You left your ghost walking around me

I want it gone this feeling
This feeling for you
I loved you
I see you in everything I do
I hear your voice every were I go

I want it all gone
I want a clean slate
A new start
A sandbox for me to build in
I want to create new memories

I want it all gone
So you can move on
So you can live your life
So you can be happy.

I want it gone this feeling inside
These ghosts
These fires
I want you to move on and he happy.

I'm done being calm
Done being the one to back down
**** this ****
**** the lies
**** the people who hurt me
Who put me down
Who tell me that I'm worthless

**** this ****
Cos I'm done
Done with Wight on my shoulders
Done with te pain
Done with anger

**** this ****
Becuase next time I get pushed or poked
I will snap
And I will end it all

So **** this ****
The demons here and it's ready to play.

i want them gone
i want them out
i dont want to think anymore
i dont want to shake in fear at the thought of them.

nightmares

i want them gone
i want them out
i want peace and i want sleep.

Early mornings are te best time on the day,
It's quiet it's peace swallows me,
Helps me forget the pain and sorrow,
Helps me let go of the pain from the night before,
The night of nightmares.

Early mornings are the best time during th day,
It reminds me of you,
Your smile your laugh was like the the rising sun,
The cold that sends shivers up my spin is like your touch,
The sweet song birds are like your voice whispering good morning.

But now my my mornings are empty with out you,
My mornings are filled with pain from the night before the night of nightmares and pain,
So my sweet angel remover the that each morning is a new day,
A clean slate a new start,
Smile at the world and remover the the sweet songs of the birds the warmth of the sun on your skin.

Early mornings are the best time during the day.

I don't know what to think,
One day I'm happy
The next I'm exctied
And after that it all spirales down out of control,
It starts with. Nightmares,
Then the shakes,
After te cold deadness inside takes over,
So now I try not be happy because when I am it all spirales out of control,
It is easier to deal with the cold than to deal with the warmth,

So now I don't know what to think,
I don't know what to believe,
I don't know what to do anymore,
So now I'm lost and falling into the uncontrollable spiral falling out of control,
So now I don't know what to think.

i sit here at night shaking cold lifeless,
the nightmares woke me again,
nothing left for me to do but endure the panic endure the pain,
nothing left but to face the fact that i will never be rid of these painful encounters.

i sit here tears rolling down my cheeks,
tears of sadness of pain of sorrow,
there is nothing i can do to stop them no dam no structure will keep them at bay,
these tears hold my pain each drop is like acid agasint my heart and soul,
each drop makes me fall further down the whole despair.

every night i sit here hoping that the shakes won't come but they always do hoping that the nightmares wont arrive but they always do,
each night i get lost and each morning i wake not knowing where i am or what my purpose is.

i am lost.
i am falling.
i have become a ghost.

Life
Death
Inbetween
These three things are what hold me

Life
Happiness
Love
Family
Friends
Life isn't just about living for yourself it's about living for others,
Life isn't just about waking up and and breathing it's about loving and caring.

Death
Sadness
Pain
Sorrow
Death isn't just about letting your final breath go its about letting everything go the love the happiness the life,
Death isn't just about pain and sadness it's a sweet oblivion and sweet place to go after all the pain and sadness.

The Inbetween
Is where I'm stuck
Stuck living for others my soul and heart is dead they have let go but I can't stop caring for the ones I care about they are two people who helped me through but soon I will let go for good and go to my sweet oblivion.

Life death Inbetween
All three are different
All three are painful
But I will stay through the pain for two people once they are safe and happy I will gladly take deaths hand an let him lead me to me sweet oblivion.

I can't hold on
I'm losing my grip
My fingers unravel from the edge I'm holding onto
When I fall it will be the last time
I can no longer see the reason I hold on.

I can't see why I try any more.

I hold on for the last time.

Black,
Grey,
These are the colours i see,
These are the colours that cloud my vision,
Cloud my eyes,
Cloud my judgement,
The black of pain kills my heart kills my soul,
The black of pain blocks out the white light of the sun,
The white light of happiness love and warmth,
The grey of sorrow drowns my heart,
It pulls me under,
It fills my lungs,
It chokes me,
There is no white light,
No warmth,
No love,
No happiness,

There is no white light,
Only,
Black,
and,
Grey,

These are the colours i see,
These are the colours i live with,
My life passes by in and black and grey.

The pain like cuts deep into my soul,
Release a bliss,
An ecstasy,
The pain like deep cuts of a razor blade,
The blood running over like an eclips of bliss and pleasure,
Why does pain have to give pleasure and yet take so much,
Devoid of feeling I'm left hopeless the pain is the last thing I hold onto,
Like the cuts of a razor
A ladder further into
Insanity
The pain like deeps cuts into my soul,
Release a bliss
An ecstasy.

When you saw the world, its colors and textures and sounds, I felt I felt the way you thought, hoped, felt, dreamt. I felt I was dreaming and thinking and feeling with you. I dreamed what you dreamed, wanted what you wanted--and then I realized that truly I just wanted you.

i will always in my heart or hearts realise that all i want is you to have you in my arms and in my heart to have you take me away to a place where our dreams are life and our love never ending.

I dream of a life without these bars,
I dream of a life when the darkness no longer holds me down,
I dream of a life where the darkness does not my dreams and turn them into nightmares,
I dream of a life where my nightmares no longer plague my days,
I dream of a day where my pain dose not make me cry out in horror,
I dream of a day where my sorrow does not destroy my heart,
I dream of a day when my heart does not break at the mere thought of your name,and
I dream of a day when my eyes are not filled with tears.

But these are mere dreams and fantasies but in reality, i am in pain and always will be for i lost my love my hope and my passion,
these are but dreams of a fool, because  my darkness is my own it cannot be taken or hidden or made to disappear because there are my fears and my loss and sorrow,
these are the but the dreams of a madman,
a madman is what i am,
I only see you when i close my eyes, i hear your voice like a whisper in the wind and when i wake at night a search for you but only find memories which drive me further to insanity.
I dream but as i dream i fall further into my madness further into insanity.

Remember me and smile,
For it's better to forget me
Than to remember me and cry,
Remember me and laugh at the happy memories,
For it's better to forget me,
Than remember me and cry,
Remember me for what i was,
And not what i have become,
Remember me for my love for you,
And not for the sorrow that now is in my heart,
Remember me and smile,
For its better to forget me,
Than remember me and cry.

Smile my love for the once happy thoughts and happy memories.
smile.

I will give you my all,
My heart,
My soul,
My love,
I do not want anything in return other that you are happy,
Smiling,
Laughing,
I will give you all that i have,
I will not ask for anything,
I will not beg,
I will not stand in your way,
I will give you everything so that you may open your wings and fly,
So that you may find your happiness,
Find your love,
Find your solace,
I will give you everything so that you may be happy.

I give you everything so that one day you can love and need nothing in return.

I heard a quote today which made me smile but cry at the same time, this is as much a poem as it is an anecdote.

"Love is both friend and foe, it keeps us sane but creates a madness also, but love and hope go hand in hand and let us go by in life, let hope be our guide and love our protection"

On hearing this it made me smile it made me hope but most of all it made me remember, it made me remember my loss my sorrow my pain, it made me remember that i have lost you and although you are there miles from me i know i have lost you but it also made me remember my love, my love for you it made me remember that no matter how far away you are that my heart will always be filled with love for you.

It made me have hope, i may not see you or be with you but it made me hope that one day i would see you happy once more but until that time let hope be my guide and let my love be your protection.

When I wake at the middle of the night I see the shinning moon high in the sky, a glowing symbol of hope that no matter how dark it may be in the world or in our minds it shows us that there is always light to be found.

But when you have lived in the darkness for so long that it becomes the only thing you know it's hard to find that light that hope.

That hope which fills our hearts and souls, that hope which tells us to keep dreaming, that hope which makes us climb to such heights but is never there to catch us when we fall.

When I wake I see the moons rays and hope that one day soon I will be able to sleep without out pain and sorrow with out anguish and sadness with out loss, but for now that hope the moon gives me drives me to madness.

A madness which pulls me to the darkness of hopelessness and pain ad sorrow, a madness which pulls apart my mind and my soul, a madness which makes me a fool to believe in hope.

A fools hope is all that I have left.

when the night comes my heart drops with dread for what is to come,
the darkness
the pain
the sorrow
the nothingness
when night comes and my eyes close i hope that the nightmares won't come,
but they always do,
the plague me
the destroy me
the plunge my heart and soul into fire
when night comes i scream for mercy,
but all i get is silence and the continued pain,
when night comes another bit of my life slips away.

What is the point in searching for the light at the end of the tunnel, if when you get there is no bulb but a dark expanse of nothing, no rail road no dirt track no embers nothing just darkness, no hope no love no life just darkness what is the point in creating a light for others if all your creating is an illusion, why should I keep looking why should I start again when I know that all I will find is darkness.

When the tunnel has ended will there ever be light all will it always be darkness.

When its night you are my solace,
You're my warmth,
You're my hopes and dreams,
When's its the day you're my energy,
You're my passion,
You're my drive.

You are my everything,
you're my heart,
you're my soul,
you're my happiness,
you're my love,

you are the light at the end of my tunnel ,
you are the light which drives away my darkness,
you are the light that chases my nightmares away,

but now you're gone,
the light has been extinguished,
now you're gone the tunnel begins to darken,
now you're gone the darkness returns,
now you're gone the nightmares return and plague my dreams.

now you're gone;
my hopes and dreams shrink and disappear,
my warmth begins to seep away,
my passion dwindles like a fire with no fuel.
now you're gone;
my heart drains of love, hope and happiness,
my soul tears it self apart,

Now Your Gone.

As i open my eyes from the nightmare that plagues my sleep and attacks my thoughts i only see darkness, an expanse of nothing;
No Light ,
No Warmth,
No Life,
This Darkness cannot be seen by others;
It is my Darkness,
My Fears,
My Demons,
This Darkness cannot be heard, cannot be smelt it is cold it devours the light that i once held in my heart it takes all that i once held it takes;
My love,
My Happiness,
This darkness leaves me with nothing but despair,
It leaves my once beating heart an empty shell,
It takes my warmth and replaces it with sadness,
where once i knew love and happiness now all i know is
Loss and Sorrow.

A gently word like a spark of light, illuminating my soul and as each sound goes deeper its you the makes me whole.