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i enter the river
later the woods
tour natures suicide spots
snub them for a man made bridge
snub the bridge
    because i find life pretty today
    too pretty to bend deaths ear
                             and suspend
26/02/23 : date of earliest version
notes -
you go to the woods to end your life
to bend deaths ear and suspend
mending your feedback of strife
hungry
belly growling
go    c a n n i b a l i s t i c
on   victims     of   my   appetite
people flee me with their tidy routine
t r a u m a t i c a l l y    busted up
meat flowers    devoured
my glutton grows
hungry
rictameter style
.

i wake before the others                                                     
                                          betraying the family bed
conduct domestic procedure                                 
         (the sun has yet to rise and punish)
the rooms are illuminated       with the city dim
   projected from streetlight in
a dossing grain of orange                        
                   wiltered by the sheets          
 we use to cower our windows
 
in this near light i go to spread a morning meal
a tray of fruit, yogurt and breakfast biscuits
i bring it too our low living room table
but Abrupt !                                                            
   ­    there is a form   occupying the table

i scout for a spot to place my wares                            
put the tray / direct contact / the floor
                         and make a closer examination
on the table                                                            ­        
it is a soldier boy       simple      life spent out

this warrants artificial light                                      
i pull the cord on the corner lamp                      
   in a glimpse of eyes the bulb pops dead
               i know i won't meet result this way
its a brain pattern going on  i determine        
   and remove shrouding from a street view
orange wash lends  to the olive uniform
both hands hitched                                                
to his webbing   in the middle of his chest
helmet discomforts  his head turned to a side
eyes yelling a relaxed nothing                  
no surprise to his ****** features
boots that haven't even made mud yet
this is clean    but   for the blood reduction
a syrup for his presentation
no fooling  and there is.. the gun                          

the child in me and the child in him want it
he makes seventeen at most
and it is now i feel
when i see the device

war oversees
makes international the weather
I left home when I was young
To the fringes I was flung
And I never wrote a letter
to my home, Lord, to my home
No, I never wrote a letter to my home

I set out for Tuscaloo’
Just my baby sister knew
She hung her head and handed me a dime

An’ it took me pretty far
I hopped on the next boxcar
I waved goodbye to her a final time

Not a coat upon my frame
nor a penny to my name
But I never wrote a letter to my home
to my home, Lord Lord,
No, I never wrote a letter to my home

I was settled on the track
A cold wind tried to ******* back
But I held on an’ swallowed all the pain

I stepped off in Alabam’
Boxcar door shut with a slam
And I tried to build a house there in the rain

If ya missed the train I’s on
Count the days that I been gone
You can hear that whistle blow a hundred miles
Hundred miles, hundred miles
You can hear that whistle blow a hundred miles


But when it rains it pours
When it’s done, there’s always more
And it’s hard to build a home out in a storm

My Papa warned me, “Son
you’ll be sorry when you’re gone”
I thought that he was bitter - now I know

I left home to chase the sun
But it moves faster than I run
Now I cry alone the end of ev’ry day
I can hear my Mama call
“stop your runnin’ ‘fore ya fall”
I don’t wanna go home, let me play

Not a penny on my name
ever since the bankers came
I got a letter on a lonesome day

Said “Your Mama’s dead an’ gone
and your sister’s all gone wrong.
Son I need you home now right away”

Not a coat upon my back
and I’m still livin’ on the tracks
No, Papa can’t see me thisaway
Thisaway, Lord ya know
that I can’t go home thisaway.

And if ya miss the train I'm on
count the days that I been gone
You can hear that whistle blow a thousand miles
Thousand miles, thousand miles, Lord
You can hear my whistle blow a thousand miles.
After Bob Dylan's "I Was Young When I Left Home."
 May 20 Mateuš Conrad
Mote
“What keeps you from visiting?”
“I don’t like how it feels.”
“How does it feel?”
“Like… like eating a sandwich you don’t want to eat. Like you’re not hungry or your appetite is missing. Gone, never formed, I don’t know. And it’s not even a good sandwich, either. It tastes like poverty. Bread heels, cheap jelly. It’s gross.”
“Going home feels gross?”
“Yeah. Yeah, it does.”
 May 16 Mateuš Conrad
eli
gracing the streets,
with her pink stilleto
and a pricy frappuccino—
she barely sips
they can't take their eyes off her,
well, who would?
even i,
i can't.

she has class and elegance,
money, power—
what else is missing?
oh, i know,
the reason i stared at her for a minute.
i just can't forget,
how unbothered she is
when she threw the empty cup
on the ground.
i wonder why
she doesn't use her bills
to buy some manners?
oh wait—
i forgot--
that's not for sale.
 Feb 22 Mateuš Conrad
Mote
boring, this exile /

god drags a belt through the garden
and the angels broke my radio
Iridescent Moon tears,
Or is it the Moon melting into the stars?
Maybe, it's the tinkering in my head,
But I so desperately wish that it was all real.
That you and I were in that melting *** of a night sky,
So dark yet it didn't swallow our shine.
I wrote without a thought,
just you.
Your words your efforts,
I'm learning to embrace.
Heaven rained on me,
I breathed in the petrichor,
Bathed in the downpour.
I have sinned,
So destroy me,
With your rain.
 Jan 28 Mateuš Conrad
Mote
o rabbit
of death
where is
your paw
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