Behold, dear friends, a sight so rare,
A marvel of craft, a tap with some flair!
Not just a slap for the place down there
, nor just common everyday strikes,
But tailored pain, bespoke
maybe with spikes ? Or whatever he likes
Doohickeys, knobs, and gears so bright,
It measures your jewels for the perfect of smite.
Crafted German care from hands most skilled,
For those who seek their torment and must be fulfilled.
It has a sign above, for all to see it twinkles proud,
you'll want one too, but for now, look at me ! It Flashes with wisdom both, bold and loud:
"You're almost there!" it proclaims so proud
it scrolls with glee,
your knees will buckle,
while yearning to flee.
Oh the joy,
the joy there will be.
"Believe in yourself!" the message insists,
As the metal fist curls up its wrist.
A countdown begins.
Crowds will draw
what did you choose.
You can't do it wrong there is no way to loose.
exclaim with little warning
" take 2 of these and call me in the morning "
Don't be caught last in line .
Get yours first.
Don't be left behind.
a **** to twist , to tap or ram
" we now interrupt you regularly scheduled program !'
For the highbrow type, a touch of grace,
Gold engravings etched in place.
Perhaps a monogram?
A family crest?
A symbol of honor upon one’s chest.
Something Crass, classy or morose ?
" If you can read this you're too close."
And should you opt for fine décor,
A velvet lining?
A marble floor?
Let not your suffering be too plain,
Let taste and wealth enhance your pain!
Extoll your wealth for all to see.
Look what I spent on my ***** punching machine.
They aint given these away for free !
Be the first to scroll...
" for God and Country !"
Customization, Because You Deserve It!
Why settle for standard when you can refine?
let the world know...
"No I'm not fine. "
Adjust the force! Set the design!
From "playful tap" to "instant regret,"
Each punch is precision—you’ll never forget.
Some want leather, some want steel,
Some want a setting called "The Eel ?"
For the sentimental, engraved with care,
"Hang in there!" flashes to all in mid-air.
Oh the laughs.
the office fun.
Even ***** with no *****
will surely want one!
To hell with the world and its pronoun.
"Turn that frown upside down."
You can have it say ,
or just you in the closet with
"pray away the gay."
A haiku option? For Doc and his Ilk.
A Shakespearean verse?
Perhaps a joke to make it all worse?
" Just like mom used to make"
red dots slow scrolling
bleeps in delight,
As your pain begins and last through the night.
The Art of Encouragement, could scroll in it Lights.
Anything you'd like.
It's bespoke after all
In all of its rights.
Scroll what you want and at your leisure
"Warning ! , contents under pressure... "
"You snooze, you lose!"—in ominous glow,
Or here's lookin at you kid" right before the blow.
"Champions are made, not born!" how quaint!
A message of strength... just before you faint.
For pop-culture fans, a classic tease,
" Thank you sir, may I have another."
You may indeed.
"Viddy well little brother. "
It's yours after all send any message you like.
Maybe something for the boss or landlord
or the sullen little tike.
Oh, but beware the tech that malfunctions,
Scrambled words, ominous junctions.
"Maybe next time..." it flickers low,
As steam and sparks begin to blow.
And who, dear friends, maintains this beast?
A sage? A monk? A mad-eyed priest?
No, just Jeff, the intern schmuck,
Who’s stuck in a job with zero for luck.
He's on standby to help you realize your creed.
" Just do it it says. " Just do it .
indeed.
Get what you want get what you need.
whatever you feel, where ever you roam
after all...
“Go big or go home."
Say what you need and be heard whenever
"better late than never."
With or without a custom pearl lever.
Its all in good taste.
Fashions never a sin .
Tell them all in white lights
"Must be present to win."
Its hugs your waist lightly or tightly
no need to carry. Get a back up or two, don't be wary
after all..
"Your mileage may vary."
Make it say whatever you want it to say
because in the beginning or end you can...
"have it your way."
Its super clever , prestigious and funny
and you just cant deny it .
Mine now says.
"you break it, you buy it."
So step right up, embrace your doom,
Let old-school Led lights your fate illume.
And should you cry, collapse, or fall,
It's just the evolution of competition
after all.
Flex those bad boys and your wallet at once
Come up with your OWN witty scrolling slogan
don't be a dunce.
Don't be the last to realize.
Yours could say something important like...
"Keep your eyes on the prize."
