I want to fight you
and never close my eyes
for I’m afraid when I do
I will find the memories
of which I can’t let go
I’ll relive all he is
all I was beside him

To wake from this
desperately grasping to find
his heartbeat
feeling it as nothing more
than a pillow between
my trembling white knuckles

Knowing it was just a dream
Is to relive the relentless ache
of losing him all over again