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Apr 2014
So...
Here I go:
Glaring back at the angry face
That's matching pace
In the mirror.

So...
Here I go:
Shrieking 'til my throat's a mess--
Coated in blood--dressed in distress.
It's not clearer.

So...
Here I go:
Waging a warΒ Β now;
My mind's an inferno.
The need to let go now won't--
Stop.

So...
Here I go:
I ****** the razor
My god, you've gone crazed, sir
YOU DON'T HAVE A SAY HERE
It's time...

So...
Here I go:
I'm tracing old tracks of attacks from the past,
And though it's been years it still seems to last.
There's adrenaline surging,
My system is purging,
And my heartbeat is going so...
Slow.

So...
Here I go:
They tell me to do it--to man-up; go through with it--
And there's just too **** many to say that they're wrong.
I've waited too long.
I've waited too long...

So...
Here I go:
My salvation's at hand,
They might not understand,
But it's part of the plan, so I...
Breathe.

So...
Here I go:
My hand is still shaking,
How much time am I taking.
My mind must be breaking!
It hurts...

So...
Here I go:
My head's filled with locusts!
So hard to stay focused!
I know I can do this! I KNOW!
And so...

Here I go:

Taking the razor I once held so dear
As an instrument that once made it all clear--
A tool that would purge me of hate and of fear--
I see now it made none of that disappear...
And that's why I've kept it all of these years.

So...

Here I go:

Just one more goodbye,
As I sever the ties. Letting
The strands break away as I...

I cast it aside...
And then comes the pride.
All those years that I'd lied...
Loved ones planted the seed:
I don't need to bleed
To know what's inside.

I've got a whole life
Outside of the strife.
Now here I go...
For all those who suffer and feel the torment of self-loathing: you're not alone, and you never will be. There is hope and life beyond all the pain.

Hold on to hope <3
Nathan Squiers
Written by
Nathan Squiers  Upstate New York, USA
(Upstate New York, USA)   
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