I don't know if you will ever read this,
but I'll leave it here in case you do.

I'm sorry I could not bring myself to answer you.
When you called, I could not come back.
There was too much said, not enough done, and yet nothing we could do.

But because of you I now know all the things I lack.
You recited them almost daily like a mantra I could not compete with.
No amount of perfect, no amount of coffee in the mornings, could save me from your attack.

I tried my best to be the ship that you need.
To bring in you in from open ocean,
but now I see the signs I couldn't read.

I love you until I die I promise you this,
but I can't be the one who saves you.
There is no magic kiss.

I see now that the love I need is stable.
I see now the work you have to do.
I see the help you need and I know I will never be able.

I still hope that one day you will see,
see the wonderful amazing human you can be.
If you just seek the truth and stop demanding others take the blame.
If you don't your loves will keep coming up lame.

For now you need someone who can care for you,
but never question you.
And that, my darling, is just not something I can do.
I cannot be your lover,
when what you're asking me to be is your mother.

I still find myself pausing each morning at my front door.
Hoping there will come a knock.
That you finally realized what all my words were for.
But I don't know what that would change,
unless your mind you can rearrange.

I love you honey.
But life has always been sickly funny.
That I should end up here, where my saga began.
And you sit in our nest, the place from where I ran.

I imagine you all alone, talking to my ghost.
And it brings me to my knees every time.
There is no victory here for me to boast.
Just another steep mountain for me to climb.

I beg you to think of all the things I have said.
To not let your heart lose to your head.
Forever and almost always,
eu te amo.