Back
         when       we still saw things
through Incandescent eyes &
undiscovered memories
                        waited for us
like
             a first snow in January
She showed me the midnight sky &
                      All the blinding pinholes in it
     where
                     angels peeked at us
The
watercolor sunrises
        while lying on the hood of her car
                         How
kisses                on the forehead
              could mend shattered hearts &
    scattered                         thoughts
         & chasing each other
through art galleries
        out         into droplets of rain
                brought us
closer        
               to
                          god
Those days when
riding on trolleys or
         drifting off to sleep    next to each other
Meant believing in love
           because
                            we wanted to
Furthest from my mind was
              the simple fact,
                        That she
        could make my entire     atmosphere
Collapse into nothingness
                &                        She did
She introduced me
                        to the stars & the sky
&
              willfully brought them down
         on top of me

Imagine wanting to say something,
Having so much to say,
But nothing will come out.
You're trapped in your own mind.
It's as if you have stage fright,
And the whole world is a stage,
And you can't speak the lines
That you've rehearsed
Over and over, countless times.

Imagine people telling you
To stop being shy, to talk,
But they don't understand
How real this fear is.

What if you say the wrong things?
What if no one likes you?
Feeling as if they think you're weird,
That they don't want to talk to you.
And it's those fears that trap the words,
Trap all the things you have to say.
It's not easy, it's terrifying.
And no one seems to get it,
This is not just shyness,
This is not antisocial,
It's anxiety, it's a phobia.
And it hurts.

Dream with the gun
Next to your temple
Let it’s barrel be that of a lover’s touch
Let it’s trigger awake a thousand stars
And when your tears drain scarlet
Remember
You are simply one of many
That none would listen to

Dream with the gun
Next to your heart
Every ache
And misperception
Through a hollow chest shall resonate
A beating indicator
That will fall silent
In the shadows of yonder

Dream with the gun
Next to your hands
For opportunity is like the dawn
Her rosy fingers playing
She will call when ready
And all must answer her salute
Blacked eyes and hollow dreams
All for the taking

Dream with the gun
Next to you
Sharp metallic scent
Cold promises
Yet retribution
And upon the night
When so many refuse to acknowledge
Sleep.

i. Destruction

Her iris is ablaze with a subtle kind of anger, but she's still dangerous. Do not wrong someone for too long and expect a softness. You brought this.

ii. Resist

An odd fascination keeps you enraptured by her every movement, no matter how deadly. She strikes the candles flickering overhead to the ground in a moment of rage. The glass shatters and you find this sudden fervency attractive. You want nothing more than to kiss her. Do not kiss her. While you are distracted by those flytrap lips she is willing the bed to catch in a flame and put both of you out of your poorly masked misery.

iii. Ignorance

When something is so white hot it feels cold, the nerve endings under your skin are too shocked to react for a moment. Time flickers by very slowly if you spend it taking and inflicting pain with the people that used to love you and pretending you enjoy it. Take your hand out of the fire, you ******* idiot. You may have lit the wick but what follows has a mind of its own and you should not have started something you never intended to finish. You do not sit around in a burning house because it is the place you grew up in.

Afflictions of the past
wrapped in the world of chaos
and cramped in a cave