is it new york i love
or do i crave being
near you; crave the
one in a million
chance that if we
were in the same city
we would run into
each other on the
sidewalk while i’m
on my way to buy
flowers and you’re
smoking a cigarette
dressed in all black
and i’d smile at you
and you’d grab me by
the wrists and scold
me for being away
for so long and then
i’d let you kiss my face
as you interlock your
fingers with mine and
you’d never let me go
again, you would
take me with you
wherever you went
and i’d never look back.

TXTNG
S   4
LVRS

I can taste your bones in my mouth
decadent, exhausted

you peeled my skin back
and watched me burn brighter than the skyline on fire
pierced reds pulsing pitch

I left the morning with my head on your pavement
staring into nothing

It started with a silly crush
Over someone who I can't even touch
Someone unreachable
So unreachable that it felt so surreal

I kept denying the butterflies
I tried to shooed them away
I kept telling myself
That it was nothing

And by the time I realized it
The supposed-to-be silly crush
Has turned into something bigger
Something that I can't no longer control

It was not just a slight admiration anymore
And it made me wonder
How did he manage to make me love him,
Without even looking at me?

It happened so fast
the blade slicing through my skin like butter.
It didn't hurt as much as I thought it would
but I had just taken painkillers, as many as I could.
The blood rushing out of my wrist like a fast paced river
my eyes beginning to get heavier,
I remember hearing voices outside
I couldn't tell who they belonged to, but they were shouting for me
"Open the door"

I was getting weaker with each passing second
a pool of blood began to form around me.
I closed my eyes, they were to heavy to keep open,
I remember taking a breath, and then I was gone.



As I felt myself leave my body
I saw so much of life flash before me like a hologram
seeing only the good times
the best times
as I watched my life play out I remember thinking where did it go wrong
I was once happy, cheerful.

Looking down at my lifeless body
as my family managed to kick the door down
wrapping my wrist
calling an ambulance
I just remember thinking where was this love when I was looking for it

i hear my heartbeat
in my ears
that's when i know
that the tears come near

i find it hard to admit
that i am completely
and utterly infatuated with you

and i hate it
why? you ask
because we're almost like best friends
and that's the only way you'll ever see me

some girls are meant to be a girl friend
some girls are meant to be a best friend

& unfortunately
i'm the latter

when they cut me open
with their mouth masks and sleepless eyes
what will they find?
will they find my heart?
is it black as coal with jagged cracks?
will they see my liver?
shot from too many nights alone with a bottle
will they pull me apart limb from limb?
trying to find the problem
where it went wrong
where innocence turned malevolent
where pens and paper became razors and skin
will they count my scars?
like tallies on walls of state hospitals
empty cells and empty minds
will they close my eyes?
will the darkness of my corneas cause them to look away?
will they burn my body like forgotten poetry?
will i die in tragic infamy?
could i be a martyr?
i'd call to jesus
i wonder where he is
we're all going mad down here