I promise that I'm healthy.
That I've never felt better.
Even though you don't know
That I keep finding myself
Back in this position.
Rocking myself to sanity.
Chained to the ground.
Blank eyes
With blank intentions
Looking for explanations
On blank walls
And blank ceilings.
Waiting for the day
It all goes blank.

- p. winter

No apparent cause
No apparent reason.
Inexplicable.
Tears streaming down her face like flowing rivers holding all her secrets.
Music blasting to cover the sound of her pounding heart and chilling screams.
Fingers running through her hair as she grimaces at this mask she wears
With a beaming smile and rosy cheeks that yell "I'M DOING FINE!"
Because the louder she shouts it the more she believes it herself.
It's inexplicable
Why she feels this way.
Looking for a way out of her own thoughts she runs into memories she thought she forgot.  
Her parents screaming about how to pay bills as their daughter watches with shivers running down her spine.
Friends luring her into a world she vowed not to join with their bottles glistening in the light and the smoke surrounding them clouding her judgement.
Yet it's inexplicable
How she dealt with the voices in her head and the endless possibilities of how to escape them but there was always that one catch.
She hung on for dear life to the rope that would take her dear life.
But she was running out of reasons why her dear life would not be a reasonable sacrifice.
She put up with herself for so long and now, as she crumbles onto the ground, she finds every feeling gushing out of her.
Every night she had spent hugging her pillow.
Every dream she had dreamt that didn't work out.
Every friend she had found that thought she wasn't enough.
Every promise she was given that in the end it would be okay.
For so long she told everyone that she was strong.
She could handle it, she could push through.
But there comes a point where even the strongest ones break.
And when she broke, she thought she'd never be put back together.
For the remaining shattered shards of her heart were jigsaw pieces and no one had the time to sit down and glue them tight.
It's inexplicable
Why this sadness dominates even the happiest of moments.
The realization that nobody can fall in love with someone so broken and hopeless sinks in.
And she sinks to the floor
With her inexplicable sadness.

- p. winter

They ask me what I want to be when I grow up.
I whisper
"I don't".

- p. winter

I loved you so much
I still look for the ones who treat me like you did.
That's why
I keep getting hurt.

- p. winter

A colour bringing memories of days long passed.
Of blushes, brushes of skin, smiles and laughs.
Of almosts, could-have-beens, should-have-beens and would-have-beens,
Of staring from across the room and yearning a stare back.
A colour, warm, with flashes of scenes
That repeat themselves in dreams alone.
A colour, beautiful, though bland before
That was thought to forever be despised.
This colour, hazel, a calming storm.
This colour of your eyes.

- p. winter