3, 6, 9, 12 months
Counting the days like a child does
A child you always claimed I was,
Oh I feel better and better as the numbers go up

Looking at the calander now I am proud
Of the woman I have become
The woman you never thought I was
And free from what my foolish heart thought was love

Because I have kissed the lips of fate
And those lips had an entirely different taste
I felt the hand of a real man, who wiped tears from my face
Every time I look at him I am more then okay
I am great

A year ago today, and man, that went by fast
A year ago today I was latched onto my past
But today I can look at your face and laugh, and laugh, and laugh

3, 6, 9, 12 amazing months
Planning the days like a grown woman does
And spending those days with a man worthy of my love
My body has regenerated cells that you have NEVER touched
What a great year this has been and was!
Oh, I feel stronger and stronger as the numbers go up

I never wanted to worry,
But worry wanted me
They are in a constant hurry
Driving;
and I am in the front seat
This outta drive me off a cliff
Convinced,
I can't take much of this
But every time, I end up on the side
Of the road
They ask me if I need a lift
**** it
I let them take the wheel
And my identity
They make a home because
They throw loud parties in my lungs
Pour alcohol into my throat
Until my stomach takes a plunge
And my anxiety leaves me
On the road in an empty car
Too many toxins in my belly
Not enough mileage to go far
And all of a sudden I am
without fear
But for some reason
I need them here
I can get better but
All I can see is their faces
I am myself because
They drove me to all these places
I am face to face with my fears,
And all the bottles,
and that wretched smell of beer
That help me understand
And know
My anxieties command and so,
I brush them with my hand
Like they are a masterpiece
A beautiful show
A masterful piece
For everyone to see
My colorful anxieties
A masterpiece indeed
A masterpiece
Of me

Cheers to the sky
Another night
Coating the atomosohere
Gravity pulls me beneath
So much lighter, with a drink
A shot or a beer
to keep me grounded
To keep me here,
Feel my heart?
Its been impounded
By the weight of the world
And I am surrounded
By bottles and empty cans
By people who understand
How it feels to be crushed,
When enough has been enough
How good that feels when poison
Goes down your throat
And then it plummets
Through your mind,
And through your stomach
Whatever it takes to numb it  
But now my hands are empty
A rotten glass of wine to trick me
Make me think I am getting tipsy
I feel the anxiety crawling
Up to my chest, and out of my throat
Beads of sweat, I might just choke
My friends feel it too,
I am not so alone
Raise our glasses to the air, another sad toast
Cheers to the sky
And its those nights
I will miss the most

I try to loosen up the knots in my stomach
But I get caught in all the loose ends

Push it down so far, till it plummets
And here I am, ******* in it, again..

My brain is drawing conclusions
With a sharp pen, so permanent

My heart and brain dueling confusion
A very twisted one sided tournament

But I will never win against my brain
my poker face is too nervous

It calls me out, points at my doubts
and lays my cards upon the surface

So I say "hit me" and it does
It hits every corner of my guts

Takes my chips, and my luck
I should have known they'd catch the bluff

Left a bad taste in my mouth
Waiting for things to head south
Will it?
Gives me chills under my skin
While I wonder why things can't be good
Again
Why I always complain
When the world hands me everything
On a silver platter,
I matter.
Do I matter?
If I thought I didn't
Their hearts would be shattered
I literally choke myself
Mouth too full to ask for help
All these city lights shutting down,
Its just me

Sweat off my brow,
Throwing in a towel
Seems as easy
As breathing
Not me
I am a child
Teething
Sinking my teeth into
A scheme
And spitting out
My dreams
To be
Where I need
To be
I cry like a baby
When the sun
Tap,
Tap,
Taps
On my window
Waiting for the night
To save me,
And this pressure
The day undergoes
Pick out my clothes
I am too tired to choose
Make me look pretty
Tie up my shoes
Drag the crayon
Across my lips
Make me look
Like I am not sick
Of this
Or like a child
I will throw
A fit
When I clock in,
To another day
To make
What I have to pay
To live
Each day I am growing
Another mark
On the doorway
My height, and my age
Yes, I am growing
Into a lady
But sometimes
I feel
Like a baby..

One X on the calander and a cup of luke warm coffee
The sidewalk chalk is like padlocks on my feet,
But they cant stop me
Through a static phone line, I can still hear you talking
Nothing of the nice sorts-
It is impure and not godly

Your perception of me slips through the cracks of you teeth
Bitter and raw things you breathe
Your voice is muddy and meek
Another X on the calander
Not a lot of sleep in between

I am wondering where your love went, because it doesnt live here
How many Xs on the calander?
A few weeks? A month? A year?
Both the liquor and the answer is clear

Long car rides spent swallowing sentences
Its a muffled radio, singing along with the tention
Where did you heart go? Every beat a lease of absence
Where did you put it? In a drawer or a cabnet?
How many Xs on the calander will it be till I once again have it