It took a while to wake up today
My alarm went off before the sun had even risen
I kept delaying the inevitable by hitting the snooze button
But eventually I gave in and got out of bed
I bundled up, braced myself, and opened the door
Walking into the cold was like being submerged underwater
I could feel it trying to infiltrate every opening
It was slowly seeping through every layer of my clothes
I could feel it burning in my lungs
I could see it when I exhaled
It made the air seem quiet
And the sun seem dimmer
And in the dead of winter even time moved slower
The trees had long ago lost their leaves
And now the bare branches
Stretched upwards into predawn light
Like a thousand skeletal limbs

I haven't been able to concentrate today.
Everything is out of focus,
except for you.
You are in painstaking clarity.

You are flooding my mind
and I am drowning
Submerged in memories
that play on a loop

We've become entangled
and we enjoyed it
because we only considered the present
and ignored the inevitable future

Now its crashed all around us
I'm struggling to untie the knots
Because I don't want to
Because I'm afraid you'll drift away

But then I remember why I fell for you
Because we have an insane amount of things in common
Because you are fun to talk to
Because we make each other laugh

Thats when I know
that everything will be alright
That I can breathe easy
That we'll always be friends

I've been burning the candle at both ends
and the flame is strangely beautiful
it's white hot
seemingly eternal
and by these flames
I have learned to see
in terrifying clarity

I'll tell you more than the truth demands
Of a land hidden in the sands
A city only spoken of in tongues long dead
Whose name will linger like a spector in your head
And I must confess
That you will obsess
For half a century
From my curse i shall never be free
I don't know what keeps me going
Even if i die without knowing
I know it's too late to turn back now
I wipe the sweat from my brow
As the heat strangles the air
My companions and i all stare
They've all been with me for years
As our hope slowly disappeared
Only our friendship remained
We stared at the sands until it became ingrained
deep within our brains
it fanned the old flames
one more try, one more excavation
I should have chosen a different occupation

you are like a never ending poem
continually crashing on the shores of my mind.
your words, your rythm, the sheer grace of your cadences
Resonate within me

When I try to write about you
It always sounds hollow and untrue
When i try to capture the feel of your face
I stare and stare and then finally erase
every description feels inadequate
none of the words ever seem to fit
all of my words have been taken away
and I'm left with feelings that i can't  say

I want my lips to taste like cupcakes
and for that I have you to blame
I've purposely cut the brakes
and I think you've done the same
with that one decision
we have come to grips
that there will be a collision
between our lips
and as my lips crash into yours
I can feel you smile when we kiss
I see your eyes soar
and we experience bliss

Yesterday I saw George crossing the street
In the high summer heat
We were walking in opposite directions
A series of random connections
If I didn't make my train in time
If the hill leading to the station was an easier climb
If I hadn't stopped at the vending machine
To quench my thirst for caffeine
Then our paths wouldn't have crossed that day
Its something I struggle to convey
A moment so fleeting
A seemingly random meeting

You took all beer out of the fridge
After burning the last bridge
After fighting the last fight
You left in the middle of the night
After I went to the Red Roof Inn
Because I couldn't start what was about to begin
But you started without me
You saw what I didn't want to see
Gone; were all of your possessions
and with you, all of my confessions
I still had more I wanted to say
But maybe its better this way
No long awkward conversations
No failing each other expectations
Just silence

Deep within the maze of bookshelves
Past the travel section and the nonfiction
Is the place where we can lose ourselves
And be free of all restrictions
I seek refuge in the realms of fantasy and sci-fi
Lands where monsters and magic reign supreme
And in the blink of an eye
I'm submerged in the authors dream
Where characters leap off the page
An assassin sharpens his sword
An usurper king seizes the crown
The armies face must the approaching horde
A hero must rise or the city will drown
And that's just the summary on the back!
Every book is portal to a new dimension
When the real world threatens to attack
Escape into a book, it relieves the tension

a lady with a tattoo of a foot on her foot.
2. a guy who eat three bananas in a row.
3. an old man with a nose ring like a bull and sea horse earings.
4. a guy wearing a Metalica tank top. patriots pajama pants, flip flops and he was smoking a cigarette.
5. a guy with aviators and a flaming skull tattooed on his throat.
6. a girl with blue hair.
7. a lady trying to run for a train in heels and failing.
8. a guy wearing a hood, a hat and sunglasses. but also shorts.
9. a kid who I recognized from high school but didn't remember his name.
10. a man who started to run for the train about ten seconds in he realized it was futile and started walking again.
11. at least six girls with frozen merchandise.
12. a guy who was towing his backpack in a wheeled cart.
13. Joey cullen and his girlfriend. (they had to catch the 214 bus)
14. four guys who were reading game of thrones books

Maureen the mean lottery playing machine
when I see her  I mutter something obsene.
sometimes it's seven am on a Saturday morning
and she shows up with no warning.
"ill take a three number on the daily,
I could call her a loser and she can just pay me
behind her there is always a line
and when she buys donuts that's a bad sign
because she's always camping out in her car
And she never goes very far
when she comes back in I can feel my heart sinking
she's my reason to maybe start drinking
"I really have to go shopping"
but not before dropping
more money on tickets  then I make all week
because fortune is what she seeks
she smokes basics but only the hard packs
when she hits the million I hope she doesn't have a heart attack
"these tickets are terrible." she keeps playing
There's a disconnect between what she's saying
and what she does
but that's because
she has a terrible affliction
a gambling addiction
"two brown cash two silver sevens and one golden spin
the odds are stacked against her so she can't win
maybe she can't see
what it looks like to me
she's blinded by a tiny prospect of glory
but sadly this is just one telling of a popular story

Hey! You got mail
And I hope that without fail
That this makes your day
Because this is a unique way
of having a conversation.
Something of our own creation
to actually put pencil to paper
to let thoughts form and thoughs taper
It's more permanent than a text
because you won't read it this day or the next
it's the delayed gratification
the building anticipation
the surprise of not getting a bill
that makes writing to you such a thrill

A head on collision
Just outside my frame of vision
A disaster in slow motion
as the car rams a guard rail by the ocean

People screaming, everything froze
I saw the drivers face
In her eyes she knows
this is the end of the race

A self imposed finish line
Straight into the salty brine

He had his hand outstretched
And my stomach wretched
At the moment of indecision
There was a sudden collision
Of reason and emotion
As i lost all notion
Of what is possible and real
Because he makes me feel
Like the sky is always green
And that I could scream
In the vacuum of space.
When I look at his face
He tells me impossible lies
And I respond in smiles and half sighs
Because I want to believe
Because he can cleave
Through all of my worries in an instant
Make everything else seem distant
I always buy into his game
When I hear my name
Spring from his tongue
Because I'm stupid and I'm young
And things happen so fast
And the world is so vast
At the end of the day
I just want someone to show me the way

I can't face the consequences of my inaction
Or predict the severity of your reaction.
I can't tell you the whole story
But when someone does, it will get gory
Blood will spill from severed ties
And fate will roll it's loaded die
Shared memories will untangle
Momentarily our futures will dangle
Helplessly and fall through the cracks
I'm launching a preemptive attack
In my head it seems a lot worse
maybe I should let it run it's course
Instead of having one foot out the door
I should be doing more

If you lose your shoe you'll be in trouble
If you lose your socks make it double
We searched every where on the train
But it was ultimately in vain
It was like you made them disappear magically
Have you suffered some tragedy
And now shoes are strange and terrifying
When I look in the stroller your always untying
The double knotted laces
And making strained faces
As your little finger muscles strain
Its kinda cute but your driving me insane

I got a map in one hand
and a compass in the other
My bones ache for foreign sands
And my lips tremble for a mysterious lover
But I am a sailor without a ship
Like a tower without a foundation
I'm starting to lose my grip
I'm losing my sense of navigation
Now I spend my days on the shore
Staring out into the ocean
Was I like this before?
So easily overcome with emotion
But alas my time has past
My hair long turned grey
Even the great rocks on the shore do not last
Time and water get them, as they got me at the end of the day

The heat is coming down
Like a car playing chicken
Except all you can do is stand there and get hit
Over and over again
Until it merges with your skin, your body
It stays with you like a second skin
Like some sort of sickness
Water is your pain reliever
Air conditioning is but a temporary cure
Because as soon as you leave
The heat is right outside
Waiting for you.

There was a fire burning in your eyes
As we sat in the darkness and tried to devise
A way to live forever
To sever the tether
Between our fragile bodies and our immortal soul
We tried to understand things beyond our control
We lived in the pages of ancient books
Stealing secrets likes shameless crooks
We dreamed impossible dreams
We talked only in absolutes and extremes
The foolish invincibility of youth
We thought we were guided by truth
But we were blinded by our fear
Of losing everything we hold dear
We became obsessed in the pursuit
That a sickness of a mind took root
We began to lose sight
Of what is wrong and what is right

There is a song burning in my brain
Like a feeling I can't contain
It defies any explanation
It breaks every limitation
It is a pure transmission
To me from the musician
I know every groove in the record
Every note of every chord
Every word of every verse
For better or for worse
This song has become apart of me

I think I remember you
From the last vestiges of a dream.
Where reality and illusion blur
In between states of mind.
You're a memory of a memory
That one face in the crowd
In a passing car, a crowded train.
A glitch
A ghost
From a different time
From a different life.

There was a sense of anticipation
That flooded my mind
As I walked to the train station
The stars slowly aligned
As summers dying breath filled my lungs
And wanderlust possessed my feet
I dreamed of foreign tongues
And jungles of concrete
I held tight to my escape
A one way ticket to anywhere
Like a dream about to take shape
Like a self fulfilled prayer

There's the constant rhythm of raindrops
and you're staring out the window
Watching that one guy at the bus stop
and all rushing people down below.
You don't even look in my direction
As your name fills the air
But I can see your reflection
You might know that i'm there.
your body rises and falls with every breath
as your green eyes try to capture the scene
Like a camera, but with more depth
it takes time to develop, to understand what it means

The stars were out in full force
They were my only source
Of light.
Because tonight
Its just me
Alone, by the sea.
Writing secrets in the sand
Things that no one would understand.
They always get reclaimed by the water
And like a knowing mother comforting a daughter
I always feel like a weight has been lifted.

A solider walked into town
As the sun sank down
Into the deep blue of the ocean
There was a charge of emotion
That you could almost see in the air
As all of the villagers stared
It had been twenty long years
But those who remembered, remembered their fears
From that long and terrible night
When the rebels fought a ****** fight
And this man led the opposition
Who made the decision
To **** all who were involved
Before rebellion spread and evolved
It was a foot note in imperial history
And the commander was a mystery
After the promotions, he suddenly retired
Unable to comprehend what had transpired
Now after twenty years he had returned
Older, wiser, and more learned
He went to each family and begged for forgiveness

You had something written all over your face
But I couldn't break the code
Something was out of place
But it barely showed
Like a carbon monoxide leak
Like a caldera ready to blow
Its there in the words you speak
Subtle undertones that only I know
Its always there, but it avoids definition
Maybe its not something, but a void
that haunts you like an apparition
And everything near it gets destroyed
Your collapsing slowly from the inside
And its a battle only you can fight
But I can help, I'll stand by your side
At the end of darkness there is always light

The stars shined like highway flares
As they sent their invisible heat across the universe
They break the uniform darkness of the sky
And act as beacons for the lost and the weary
All was silent except for the rising tide
The endless lapping of waves against the shore
A subtle melody playing quietly in the distance
Far from your mind, but always there
The water reflected lights from the city and the sky
Like it was an imperfect mirror
Like it was a canvas for nature to paint
Shimmering and shining; constantly in motion
You could never see the same patch of water twice  
The smell of fresh bread wafted through the air
As the baker started making the morning supply
It mingled and mixed with the smell of the salt
The perfume of the city started to develop
A unique mixture that could not be duplicated
It was all nature and man interacting
Weaving a beautiful symphony
Melody and counter melody
The stars and the lights.

I pulled out my old lighter
And lit a cigarette
The night got a little brighter
As I tried to forget
All the lies that you love to tell
As you pull me down
Into our own personal hell
I can’t take this tiny town
We've taken to drinking
Because we've run out of things to say
I can feel that were sinking
That everything will fall apart any day
But now we have liquor
To make it all go quicker
And you're always screaming
That I need to stop dreaming
And get my head out of the clouds
So we can get out of these crowds
But you have to know that's *******
We're addicted to each other and we can't quit
Now its just mutual destruction
A product of our own construction  
We are a collapsing binary star
Strangely beautiful when viewed from afar

It was pitch black
I couldn't see a thing
But theres was no going back
Because I don't know what the future will bring
But I know that the past is aiming to ****
So I take one step into the unknown
I take it by pure force of will
Because the future is only set in stone
If you remain fixed in the past
Everything is always changing
Each day different from the last
Your fate, always rearranging
The past is past but the future is self determined

We watched the sunset
An everlasting flare sinking into the sea
we had just met
But it felt like an eternity
Since you stepped off that train
We spent the day walking the beach
Picking each others brains
Developing a flow of speech
We bought chocolate chip ice cream
watching the sun disapear into the rising tide
I saw your eyes gleam
Something clicked inside
On the seawall we sat only eight inches apart
But to me it felt like miles
Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to start
When faced with life's trials
But you made your move first
You sat right next to me and looked me in the eyes
Your eyes so green I thought they might burst
You kissed me then, under the burning skies

I guess someone fixed this door
It used to creak a lot more
The interior is wearing a coat of dust
The metal ceiling fans are starting to rust
Times decaying powers are working full force
They throw me way off course
No longer submerged deep in the past
Reality hits me hard and fast
This was, at one point, my living room
Memories,like weeds, start to bloom
Dad(If he was home) was always drinking
My little sister never had an inkling
Mom was always working
But the bills were always lurking
Soon there was a lot less food
And it didn't help the mood
When dad just went off like a bomb
And just went after mom
I remember vividly the day
That child services took us away
Dad wasn't home and Mom was in tears
And in her eyes I saw her worst fears
I stand in that room till i can't anymore
Then for one final time I head for the door

The stars glowed like dying embers in the ash
As the skyline and the stars clashed
I looked with squinting eyes
Trying to decipher the night skies
Like an old sailor lost at sea
I try to get free
From the sidewalk the buildings look impossibly tall
It made me feel impossibly small
The streets twist and turn
Almost randomly, as if they didn't want me to return
Cell phone long dead
I try and keep a level head
I continue into the dead of night
Guided only by the hollow glow of street lights
I looked for landmarks by which to navigate
To perhaps subvert my fate
Of being lost forever

You know every single word to every single song
And you always sing along
Each song is tied to a different memory
Everyone fits a moment just perfectly
You've listened to B-side and EP
And searched as far as the eye can see
For those rare releases only on cassette tape
And you always manage to scrape
Just enough money for when they're in town
And they've never let you down
Because when you've hit a dead-end
You know you can always depend
On them to turn you around
To help you find solid ground
To you its not just a song, an album or a band
Its a way to understand

Trains delayed
Nerves frayed
The rain isn't slowing
And the winds keep blowing
I'm stuck on this platform
Trying desperately to keep warm
In my pocket is that photograph
Of me and you having a good laugh
I glance at it every once in a while
Just to make me smile
By now its almost ten
But I couldn't tell you when
I was going to pull into your station
Because that is information
That is being withheld by the fates
And they can't be trifled with petty dates
And the long term plans
That slip right out of our hands
And unravels quicker than string
Because we don't know what the future will bring
But the fates will not beat me down
And I will make it out of this town
I will come home to your smiling face
And hold in a warm embrace

We were walking down the street
Following the winding trail of concrete
Wandering in the summer rain
Experiencing the majestic and the mundane
Our clothes soaked clean through
And I looked over at you
And you had ear buds in your hand
And you asked if I had anything planned
I said no
You said we should go
We found a park and sat underneath a tree
And you looked over at me
We had an ear bud in each ear
We turned it up so we could hear
We sang loudly and proudly
Until it was no longer cloudy

Got home from the hospital late last night
Still can't seem to find my appetite
I can't seem to sit still
There's a hole that I don't know how to fill
I've listened to my ipod non stop
Headphones so loud I feel my ears are gonna pop
The dice will fall as they may
But at the end of the day
I know that they were always loaded
I feel like my life has always been encoded
Protected by a cipher I could never completely break
I never truly understood what was at stake
Until that day last week
When you and I were hanging by the creek
We were laughing and tossing rocks
Just relaxing having good long talks
When my vision started to go hazy
and I know this is crazy
But i knew then that I was dying
And you started crying
I felt a sharp tightening in my chest
I lost consciousness as the attack progressed
I woke up in my hospital bed
The doctors told me that I should be dead
They used phrases like "suffered major cardiac event"
I asked what that meant
I told me that I had a heart attack
I was immediately taken aback
I was only seventeen
This was almost something that was unseen
Arrhythmia was the name of the disease
They said it was easy to manage with medicine and their expertise
But now I can no longer rest
Knowing that I have ticking time bomb in my chest

In your hand there was a coffee cup
As I walked into the kitchen you looked up
For a second we locked eyes
And I saw something in you rise
We both glanced at the clock on the wall
It was 3:37 AM and time had slowed to a crawl
Unable to sleep through the night
An insomniacs delight
We sat together at the kitchen table
Trying to keep one another stable
Out side we heard a car race past
We tried to figure out why he was going so fast
Who he was, or where he was going
But alas there was no way of knowing
Then the birds were awake and singing their songs
And I think I heard you humming along
We broke down and opened a gallon of chocolate chip
As we ate you talked about your ideal trip
You said you wanted to go to France
That you just wanted to take a chance
To see the rolling countryside
But the opportunity is always denied
Through the window we see the sun start to rise
The weak light hurting our eyes
Your face was half soaked in the pale morning light
We decide to try and get more sleep "Tonight"

The cold wind cuts right through
Goosebumps appear on my skin
Your eyes are this sweet glacial blue
And your voice is sweet and thin
I hold your hand in mine
As the snow gives under our feet
And the stars up above shine
The street barely looks like a street
It looks like a winter wonderland
Its been awhile since our last walk
And this one was a little unplanned
But you certainly can talk
I can't really feel my face
Your face is a windblown red
You challenge me to a race
Before I can say anything you have already fled

It was daybreak
We were still awake
The sky was basked in a pale light
as the sun came to end the night
We were sitting on the ground
Your breathing was the only sound
That I could hear
And I wanted us to disappear
from the flow of time
Preserve us in our prime

We just crossed state lines
According to the highway signs
With the sun rising at our backs
We're covering up our tracks
Cutting off the loose ends
Leaving all our old "friends"
You've got this look on your face
Like you've just won the big race
You put your foot flat on the ground
And the engine makes a roaring sound
Were racing down the interstate
Trying to out run our fate
Your laugh has undertones of insanity
Or maybe that's just your vanity
As your eyes glow in the misty morning air
I try and figure out whats going on in there
But you're an impossible equation
Skilled in misdirection and evasion
A problem I have no hope of solving
Because you are constantly evolving
You grab a bottle of wine from the back seat
You open it one handed, no easy feat
You take a fantastically long drink
You pass it to me and give me a wink
And we drive off to face the day
Some people might call us crazy, but I prefer it this way.

You sent me a letter
I nearly dropped it when I picked it up
I read the return address at least three times
The letter lay on the table
Unopened
I stared at it for a while
Paced around the kitchen
Deep breath
I took the plunge
Havn't been this scared to open a letter
Since my senior year of high school
It was a monster of a letter
Ten pages double sided hand written
Letters so tightly pressed together
I thought it was one long word
I read it I read it all in one sitting
You told me where you've been all these years
Every little detail of every major event
Your dead end job
How you quit said job
Your marriage
Your divorce
Your year in a small little town in Arizona
How you ended up teaching english in Seatle
It was a lot
It was more than a lot
I walked over to my desk
And I started writing you a letter

The fireworks burst in the sky
And the colors swirl and fly
The night air is heavy with heat
And the grass is wet beneath our feet
The mosquitos feast on our skin
Its a battle we can never hope to win
The fireworks burn so bright
But to me it never seemed quite right
That such beauty vanishes so fast
I just wanted that shining moment to last

We walk in a silence that begs to be broken
The words we wish to say go unspoken
I can almost see the tension
Reality is put in suspension
I can feel the words on my tounge
They are as foolish as I am young
I can't do this;I can't look into your eyes
And tell you warm sweet lies
Right now truth is the only path
In the head i've done the math
Thought out every word
How to strike every conversational chord
I just need to propel myself down this dead end
Some wounds my never mend

Clouds bounce against the edges of the sky
I let out a long sigh
My breath visible in the frigid air
I'm shaking but I don't care
The sky is a deep after snow blue
A lone bird came into view
The world was perfectly still
I couldn't move; I didn't have the will
To break this instant of perfection
To sever this connection

She has this air
that she doesn't care
That she doesn't give a ****
Not. One. Bit.
You'd think of her shallow.
All marsh but no mallow
But that's not the case
Its written on her face
In the small movement of her lips
And the small vocal slips
When her voice stumbles over words
And she hits melancholy chords
Big smiles that don't quite reach her eyes
I can see through her guise
Because normality
Is only a formality

I imagined your touch
It was almost too much
And the wind screamed
And I no longer dreamed
Of soft lies
Only foreign skies
Alien landscapes that stretch on forever
And my grip on reality starts to sever
Yesterday I thought I saw you across the street
I looked down at my feet
Too scared to look in your direction
Unwilling to spread the infection
That is locking eyes
Because in them I see a thousand other guys
Five minutes later, I realized it wasn't you
That nothing my eyes tell me is true
Its scary to think
That everything is written in disappearing ink
I'm starting to slip
I'm losing my grip
I can't keep track of the days
Its all a never ending haze
Strange scenes
Never ending dreams
Ever briefer spasms of lucidity
I'm losing all validity

We walk in a silence that begs to be broken
The words we wish to say go unspoken
I can almost see the tension
Reality is put in suspension
I can feel the words on my tongue
They are as foolish as I am young
I can't do this;I can't look into your eyes
And tell you warm sweet lies
Right now truth is the only path
In the head i've done the math
Thought out every word
How to strike every conversational chord
I just need to propel myself down this dead end
Some wounds never mend

I hold tight to my locket
Splotches of grey clouding  my vision
I wonder if my eyes are falling out of the socket
And I think with such terrifying precision
Rapid expansion and contraction
My breathing is out of sync
And its starting a chain reaction
I'm sliding toward the brink
I hate this hospital bed
I hate this room with its sickly white walls
And the ever-pressing reminder of the dead
That sometimes pass down these halls
Nobody talks straight
Always just euphemistic *******
I need someone to translate
I want to quit
But I won't, I can't
To sever my ties
To uproot my plant
That would only quicken my demise
I will hold fast
And hope that it can last

I can feel it in my bones
I can hear the dissonant tones
I see the clouds shifting above
I hear the cry of the mourning dove
Its song kicking in my head
I'm filled with dread
I wander down the empty streets
Hearing a strange series of beats
The rhythm of the times as it were
And time became a blur
The sun vanished into the trees
I can hear the night breeze
I look to the stars
I ignore the speeding cars
And focus on the heavenly lights