You know,
I find myself saying
"I'm sorry"
quite a lot.

Back then
apologies were beat out of me,
so now they just bleed out
from the scars
on their own.

If I had to choose
would I brave that dark sea
waves crashing relentlessly upon me
knocking aside the armor I've spent so long
meticulously piecing together

My heart is a fortress
made from clay
water is its natural enemy
and you on your island
are my greatest hazard

I am lost
this place is hostile
this place is intoxicating
a field of flowers that wafts in scents
so noxious in their delight
and so alight in their beautiful lament
that I have become contented
by their blissful deceit

My senses are distracted
my emotions discordant
I am wrapped by bliss and serenity
in a pinkish fluttering landscape
shining with translucent vibrating orbs
that hum rhythmically in hypnotic bliss
their touch gently imparts a melody
a beautiful sound so pleasing
that it effortlessly puts to sleep my demons
slowly slowly slowly
I fall asleep
aware that at night
this beautiful scenery shall come alive
in full reveal of its true form

It begins with wicked howls
and growls so low that the ground begins to shake
as the beautiful shapes begin their fall
the monsters emerge
and all those shiny
beautiful things
unfurl
their true forms revealed
monsters monsters monsters
all the lies I wrapped upon my vision
begin to unravel, and my fate is known
I slept willingly inside a monsters nest
knowing of it's deceptive nature
I napped
I slumbered
I slept, willingly.

In this place nearly as dark as my own mind
I found comforts in the vivid illusions
biding time to gather
biding time to steal
the strengths I needed
to stand
to move
the strength to fight
to love
the strength I needed
to be myself

I think to myself; what a mess
should I allow this wolf
to devour my heart
in exchange for the strength
to overcome my blackened vision?

Shall I again approach the world with eyes open
and to never allow myself again to be blinded
to truth, to suffering, to miseries
shall I wander forward
without shirking in defeat
with my body in shreds
my heart half devoured
to nimbly avoid those pitfalls
and wrench loose from my misery
the strength I require to scale my dreams
with nothing but
razor thin wire
which is dangled
from heights so far away
that my true destination
is shrouded by distances
further than these eyes can see
much farther than all my strength
wisdom and perseverance
could ever hope
to overcome
and still
the rope I've found has been set
and I begin my ascent
filled with terror
filled with awe
slowly slowly slowly
I ascend
to that place which is
beyond the wildest
of dreams

My shadow snatched away my bright laugh,
Wanting salt tears for its sweet foodstuff's bitter half.
I shed the ailing piece of my heart in a toxic stream
So it flew away, left me breathing deep as in a dream.
I am air-light, bubbling triumph sends me arcing toward the sky
Where my silent shadow waits to knock me down before I can fly.