Behind the twinkle of your gaze
Past the walls you so fervently constructed
At times,
I see your pain
I feel the anguish in your eyes
The quivering of your lip quickly forced away by a misplaced grin
Surrounded by the emptiness of this void we call life
I wish nothing more than to hear those alluring three words
The glow you radiate envelopes any room
Your smile casts any doubt I have in life
How can someone be so incredible?
I am the lucky one
You show how utterly beautiful life can be
That this existence is not some random succession of meaningless events
With you,
life takes shape
life retains hope

Life has meaning.

“Wow,” I said.

That snarky smile with her newly adorned thick glasses gazed up at me,

gingerly sipping on that grande caramel latte with soy milk and no whipped cream, obviously

“What?” she replied

Staring as her red cup graced the gentlest lips I’ve seen

I was speechless

Even after 17 short months I get like this

Like the first date oh-****-what-do-I-say speechless

How wow is that?

To share your Sunday mornings with

those glasses, that smile, and that **** latte without the slightest of cares

but to enjoy the upcoming breakfast and morning sunshine together

“Nothing,” I smiled

Watching as she returned to her menu deciding which sides to go with her toast

A daunting decision, indeed.

That glow of a smile
Stunning and resilient like the perfection she embodied

Lost in the images of that fabled romance
That gleaming ray of hope
Longing for its yearning, subtle return
Feeling the warmth and aura of its haunting beauty

Now I lay here awake
Every second without you an eternity
Those sweet nothings forever boarded a permanent residency in my heart
Turning over to see nothing more than the forgotten place where my love once laid
Looking at the empty spaces between my fingers where her's are supposed to be
Feeling the twilight eclipse upon my crippled mind

Wishing nothing more than to spend just another second with you

How fain doth thine memories remain
Lo! shouldst thou endure the infinite repetitions of these haunting facades that The Abyss glares its gaze upon thine fragile life
The tired clingeth to the images fused to the permanency of thine recollections
Chiseled to the marble of the mind for the mason himself to gazeth upon its work


For betwixt a battered heart and a fickle mind lyeth the remnant of the resentments of life

Keep that flawless smile

And watch the world become as beautiful as you are

Existence proves to be that much sweeter

That much brighter

And that much clearer

As I gaze into your eyes

The intrinsic beauty of life is revealed

Life is wonder


I am lost in the simplicity of paradise.

You gave up
Forgotten is the future we were too naive to construct
Is this what love has become? Second guesses and sobering recollections?

Darkness swallows the heart and mind as it strikes down emphatic optimism

I just wanted to say Goodbye Love
Goodbye to the life I once knew


Goodbye Love

We are the voiceless
Puppets whose audience gains
in our misfortune

This is exactly what they wanted
Conflicts for us to hate
Lies that lulled us to sleep
and everyone’s content.
All we need to do is keep up
and this is exactly what they wanted

Wolf in sheep's clothing
I am but a small nothing
To her haunting gaze

My life in her hands
I am lost in her moment
Floating as she tends

This noumenal yearning met with
melancholia
Alone, reconciled by distraction
An empty pint down the road
The manger that lulls thought from soul
A stranger to keep

Unperturbed, unassuming

Wanderlust distilled to espresso and tea

midday on tree lined streets

Trees graced
Hope, she shined
a passing smile

If I just write these things down
Words become our memories
And eventually
become the very dreams
that keep me awake
Irony or fitting?
To have something compel you
to try and
fail
To describe what you are
And what you mean
To someone that regularly
That leaves me speechless
In her simplicity
And grace

I encountered the simplest of experiences
of a saint and sinner, a muse and its pen
perfectly existing for only about a minute
and then vanished.

All while she simply existed
Unassumingly giggling through small talk

And the reason why I scrambled to write on a crumpled napkin is

to tell you that for that minute or so
I was dumbfounded
by a moment of grace
or was it madness
that has not stirred within me for years

Wonderful

How fortunate you came along
for something I yearned but could never find

A catalyst
an offering to Asclepius
everlasting and present
The most beautiful chaos
A beauty of titans amongst gods
she unexpectedly radiates

A moment to keep

I'd say anything
Just to get a reply back
Her attention
A smile
and a laugh
maybe a kiss someday if I was so lucky
A fleeting high
Whatever it takes
From someone that's changed everything
So simply that it haunts my core

Will you still be there
Aching soul; loving void
to linger and be empty
Just a few moments, please
To make sense of our nothing
How little we show
Until our next
How I'll dream of it

Come witness now
A forgotten heart on display
I can feel it now
Everything I wanted, I am reminded
She is.

I will wait until
I can feel it now, a lasting smile
She brought to a soul
That never thought he'd be here long enough
Or be enough
And that is enough

How simple.

A faint glimmer
Raged against her created darkness
Years in the making
She persisted
and won

I tried to live without intent
Dreams of a distant blue mountain  
a green brook stirs the origin
This faint moment centers a yearning
of unlearning
this windowless office
a narrow life
I am finally on my way.

This time is different
Did what I could but fell so short
So what's left?
My tired glass; apathetic walls
My tired arms; a muddied breath
A tired soul
My reflection its regret
But with this same glass
A tired soul can sleep
An exhale to it all
If only this poem brought the same solace

A quiet night's breeze reminds me
Meditating, I fail to ever stay still
However, this time is different
Finally
Hushed nothings drone my doubts
applauding my failed efforts
Mind distant, scattered
She lingered right next to me
Perfect
Dawn is still hours away

I am no poet
but a hypocrite who marvels how you
Stir a soul as effortlessly as your gaze to mine
An unknowing muse
Dried ink could never match your quiet grace
A living poem

I finally close my eyes
Inhale a moment of closure
a quiet prayer answered, relieving
my earned dread
I'd do anything to not exhale
and start again

It hasn't been that long honestly
I realized
It really has been that simple
Where I was
Who I was with
No matter the circumstance
It always came back to you

I am terrified that
She will eventually see myself
as I see myself
When she looks in my eyes
and sees nothing but
The shell of a dreamer
angry and tired

And yet she remains
Unexpectedly
Sharing these few moments
It finally makes sense
The present
Her presence
Is nothing short of my idea is perfect

I wish I had more to say
Something profound enough to convince myself
I am worth anything
reality is harsh isn't it?

I used to think I actually had something to say
something to move someone
to feel
I almost had it at one point
I think that's what hurts most

I am tired
fleeting moods and desires
anger
awed of the the talent I never developed
Taking pity of what is left

944 days of pen to paper resulted in just this
My Grand Realization
of just how average I have become
or that I have always been?

I betray myself
A sad attempt of control turned vicious cycle  
In a wall turned void
I pray to a God I know is not there
To grant some serenity
for the simplest of tomorrow's