I realized what you meant
When you thought it's just laziness
When you expressed your concern
Over my health
Over my being over
The lack
Of me
Lately.
Over the lack of art
The lack of things I create with my
Mind and my hands
And my need
To express
My insides
The raw things
And thoughts
And feelings
I understand
Your concern and desperate way
Of speaking
Your exasperated wondering
If something in me is broken.
I'm happy
But where is my art
My paintings
Drawings
Writing
Music
And I think
Maybe because I am happy
I have lost the ability
To create
The things I made before
Were art born of pain
Born of raw unfiltered sorrow
Anger
And when I'm happy
Art doesn't flow as easily
And I've just accepted it
And I've just accepted being
In a rut.
And I understand your
Anger
Your sorrow
Your wondering and fear
That I'm just going to be
Lazy and Undriven.
Your fear that
I've stopped
Being
That I've stopped going
That I'm in love
And that I love you
But what am I doing
Sleeping and eating and nothing
So much
Nothing.
I am going to change that.
I am going to change me.
Because I love you.
And love is not enough.
You need to see that spark in me.
You need to see that go.
The big dreams.
That I've tucked away.
For comfort in sleep.
I need those nights where I toss
And turn
Until I get up and create
Magic
Drawing things
Boring things
Amazing things
Playing music from my heart
Singing from my soul
And making things around me beautiful

Maybe I just want to fall asleep with your arms tightly but gently holding me, brushing the small wispies behind my ear, giving me two thirds of the blanket while telling me that the warmth radiating from me is enough to keep you warm for days.
Maybe I just want to lay my cheekbones and my jaw into your collarbone, to hear and feel your breathing speed up and mine slow down to match our heartbeats and merge them into one, to talk about my deepest worries and listen to your soothing words, and to wake up as the sun rises with your arm still draped around my waist and feel a small curve form at the ends of my lips.

stop making me think that you care about me more than you really do,

stop holding me closer than you can handle and back away when you can,

because as much I want to be near you every second of my every day,

if all you're going to do is leave me in the end,

please stop

step back

and walk the other way.

Tears crumple to the ground
But so do the raindrops

And as you can't tell the difference
In which one is which

One soul gone
In a storm of millions
Would not ever seem amiss

I think I'm letting go

I think that it's time

For your sweet melodies to cease

And my sufferings to die

o.c.

a star that falls in love is in the most dire situation,

because they must sacrifice their existence to meet with another,

for when two stars come in the closest proximity as possible,

their ultimate fate is to collide and to explode into the darkness of the galaxies.

o.c.