You think that intelligence
is measured by words
by sentences
by essays
but no combination of letters you put together will be enough
to erase your ignorance.

the only thing
i find myself comfortable with,
are the long lonely bus rides.
i find myself memorizing things
i could care less about,
but i just can't stop myself from letting
these eyes wander and take in surroundings
that are no longer new to me.
(i close my eyes)
the same familiar faces come through
the automatic door.
workers, children, or that grumpy old man
who forgets where he's headed,
never the person i'm hoping for.
the only thing keeping me from given up,
is the thought of you on the other
end of this map waiting for me.
i just hope i'm not too late.

i'm dying on the inside.
the ghost that follows can't seem
to neglect even a single step.
the ground i've built for myself
isn't strong enough,
i'm beginning to fall.
my demons are sewn to my shoulder,
constantly whispering (give up)
the thought flurries
throughout my head.
the future is bleak, dark like my past.
i don't know,

            I JUST DON'T KNOW!

this cannot be living,
i'm already dead to myself.
i ran out of the last little  
bit of hope i had invested...
that light went out a long time ago.

i chose to be inebriated by you
and no antidote can recover me anymore,
so i lay here prone,
overthinking about you.
your words, they penetrated me.
internally and externally, so smile
with happiness so the purpose
of your words can exist on me.
as i close my eyes to go to lay dormant
i can mentally see images of you
as if they are embedded
to the interior of my eyelids.
promise me you will stay.

bones and dust, you are my only love,
more beautiful than anything alive;
a still heart and a vacant mind
i would just
die to see you
one more time

i fall in love with melancholy—
it undresses my mind and ushers out words
i didn’t know i had in me

there are some things that i can only say
when i am swimming in loneliness,
but not drowning

but sometimes it’s too much;
sad songs don’t caress the wound anymore

they poke at them,
make them bleed,
worsen it

i guess they were right, after all

when you feel darkness
knocking on your door,
don’t let it in—
it is not your friend

you deserve more than this sadness.

despair is in my heart
i am displaced
faced with feelings i cannot control

i stand before the reflecting glass
and glower at the green lights looming at me
my thoughts scamper
and i reach for anything
to **** the pain

i've been alive seventeen years
and I am just now scratching the surface
of living.