take me to your dark attic.  
show me your old photo albums;
the ones in black and white
in the box
next to your old toys.
bring your demons and your spirits
that sit atop your shoulder and
whisper evil into your ears.

i am the fine print
                
          behind every choice

you will

           make

i just want to die.
the bullet pressing
against my head,
the pills at the tip of
my tongue, blades scratching
against my skin, tearing
inside of me apart.
in a second the silent pin drops
like the delicate dead body
against the window ledge
as he lands, the blood pools
and spills from all directions
and soon public tears dilute the
crimson blood creating a river.

nowadays it seems as if it's only the seasons that change

nothing's the same without you
a grey cloud follows me everywhere
since you've been gone
where did you go?
"The neighbors said
she moved away.
funny how it rained all day."
Without you here
everything is wrong
the world has been ******
and we just need you back
"I'm not coming back
I've done something so terrible
I'm terrified to speak"
You're free now
an angel
free of the torture of our world
"now the rain is washing you out of my head
and out of my mind"
it was your time.
you left because you had to
"I guess I'll go home now."

missing you comes in breezes
memories reside in the back of my mind
not daring to come start replaying
because they know my fragile heart
is not ready to see what we were
and accept
what we've become
strangers
missing you comes in hail storms
rare
and painful

i've always rushed underneath the scalding water
in hopes of it melting me away
but the only thing it really does
is muffle my cries of confusion and fear
i wish i could vanish
like the vapors in the steaming room
silently and slowly
disappear

i sit in this empty bed and think to when it was full
of our tangled legs and bodies pressed together,
hands intertwined under the blankets.
i think to when i could turn my head
and look into the eyes of the person i love.
*why has this mattress spun on it's axis and left me alone again?