Olga Valerevna

Olga Valerevna Jan 2016

We're not as much apart as we are broken to the core
The blood upon my hands is somehow covered up in yours
And if I turn to water you will never want to drink
Then let me be forsaken by the thoughts in which I sink
I told you all my secrets both in person and in soul
But I can't be responsible for where you long to go
It's only in the stillness that I conjure up the words
To tell you that I loved you in a way I wasn't sure
I've asked the time to grant us more than we could ever bear
So I would have a chance to make it up to you, I swear
The past cannot be changed and so the future goes astray
but I don't want to tempt you to just walk the other way
For I can bathe in showers that are hotter than you make
But if you fall asleep then I'm the only one awake

What am I to you?

#forever #missing

Olga Valerevna Jan 2016

Some Company to Keep

I think about tomorrow through the people I have met
And testify of greater things that haven't happened yet
So what if all the consciousness continues to return
We'll only ever greet it when we move in what it's earned
A father of the quiet and a mother of the old
Protecting what was hidden in a parabolic code
To whom will it be given when the final word is writ
For all will fall asleep when darkness comes to swallow it
Remember who you've carried if you wake before it ends
Forsake not even one of those you served and called a friend

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”
‭‭John‬ ‭15:13‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

#friends #life #serve

Olga Valerevna Jan 2016

When once I had a heart

The days pass in twos, I see double again
I'll make you believe me while I play pretend
The questions are nothing but all of my doubt
I'm letting you in as you choose to walk out
and here I am wandering memory lane
Adoring with pleasure these moments of pain
I could be mistaken and you could be right
we're not that much different when we have a fight
But how many punches can anyone throw
When blue is the face of a life we've let go
I don't want to bother your patience at all
So I will let silence take both of the fault
The beauty of breaking can only be seen
If one other person is present for me
I'm not who I am when you're not who you are
Tonight I will keep you inside of my hear*t

until I can't feel you anymore

#feel

Olga Valerevna Dec 2015

Once on believing

We used to put obedience above our sorry selves
And live inside a creature made of love's redeeming cells
But something came upon us, likeness something like our own
that told us we could separate and sit atop a thrown
Where once I was a woman who was searching for a man
there now exist two people who are turning into sand
And should I be the glass that you created and destroyed
I've since become the ruin that you struggle to avoid
My heart can open wider, be together like it was
a mender and a giver and a product of the dust
So what it is tonight that tries to shift my weaker parts
will disappear in stillness that remains inside my heart

to have always believed

#always #believe #once

Olga Valerevna Dec 2015

Carry me Low

Where is the emotion I could only ever bare
when you were here beside me every day and everywhere
I seem to be avoiding all the simple things I knew
instead commit to stupor coming out of me and you
Whatever hasn't happened I expect at any time
receiving with the darkness every shadow in my mind
It's good to be alone and I have come to much prefer
the solitude of sameness as the days become a blur
I'm learning to admit that what is perfect will not break
and daily seek the patience to accept it when I wake
Today has been forever and forever's moving still
a death that has no fear because it goes against our will

title and inspiration taken from Sufjan Stevens',"Carrie & Lowell"

#life #death #carry #lowell

Olga Valerevna Dec 2015

What staring contest?

I'd write you every second in this life that I have lived
you're present in my thoughts much more than I have ever been
With all of these illusions and the subtleties I see
I found you in the presence of the things that I believe
you struck me as a question I had never thought to ask
and left me with a longing for tomorrows that have passed
It doesn't make much sense, today is crippling my head
but what is this existence if you're gone, asleep or dead
I'm only ever sorry for the words I did not say
afraid of what they'd do because I couldn't get away
I kept you in a corner til you learned to disappear
and I would go in search of you to see if you were near
But keeping up your distance, I could only take a chance
for none of this resembles the extent of our romance
I'd put you in my pocket or forget that you were there
we could have been together but I lost you in a stare

see you somewhere

#see #stare #contest

Olga Valerevna Dec 2015

Vermilion Vows

I broke your heart and you broke my head
You traded me in for another stranger's bed
Did it make things right inside your mind
To have me out of sight and running out of time
What did you think this was, some kind of stone
That only you could throw but never leave alone
The red of dawn rises in your cheeks
And I can see the sun as you begin to speak
Fire breaths again, hot upon your tongue
As you reject the love of almost everyone
Where nothing is you will always be
The end of your own road, the end of
memory

if you forget me

#forget #memory