I woke up late today and
looked in between my sheets
Hoping to meet the
Corners of the body I loved too much
And too often hid myself underneath.
The safety of your sleep
So close
Pulling the universe inside of me.
I couldn't find you
Did you leave again?
I made the bed that is now to big for me
Evening out the
Wrinkles of your space
Only to find a receipt
And a thumb tack that fell behind the side table.
I put it in my pocket
And allowed the cool air to
Bite my lungs
As I stared at the tapestry you hung for me
Because I was too short to reach.
(I could never reach.)
Where did you go?
I checked underneath the hanging sheet
Longing to meet the arms
I lost too easily in the night
The familiar comfort of your warmth
Slowly extinguishing itself
From me.
I opened the window
Inviting the sun to fill the space
Of my empty room
But the clouds slipped in and
Lingered in your chair
Behind the door that
I can no longer sit in.
Where are you hiding?
I ran downstairs with a handful of creamer
To make coffee for two
Only to find the mugs we shared
Were already used.
Will you be back?
I looked outside hoping to meet you
And forgive you for your temporary absence.
The safety of you I took for granted
My desperation to touch you
And keep you safe
And comfort you
And hold you
Slowly paralyzing the uneven beats
Of my swelling heart.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry
I didn't mean it, I take it back.
I understand.
I wish I knew.
Will you be back?
But as it turns out
I woke up early enough
To say good bye
Instead of good morning
And good luck
As the sun came in
And buried itself underneath
The salty dunes dusted around the corners
Of my eyes
That could no longer find you.

Today I found your toothbrush
Sitting in the same cup as mine
I stared at it
Remembering that you were
Here only a week ago
With a bad case of morning breath
And my toothpaste tucked in the corner
Of your smile.
Hesitantly waking up
I stared at it
Remembering that you were
Here only a week ago
My concept of time
Now revolving around the way
You touched me
Only a week ago
The way you loved me
Only a week ago
This toothbrush
This blue toothbrush I bought from the dollar store
Brushing along the tremors of my
Uneven breath threatened to
Defeat me
Threatened to put me back to sleep and
Try again tomorrow
Resolve the reoccurring bouts
Of sadness tomorrow.
But instead
I looked at it
I looked at your toothbrush with a certain familiarity
I looked at your toothbrush with a sincere smile
And remembered that
I was lucky enough to share my space
With someone
Only a week ago
I was lucky enough to fill my room with
Comfort and soft conversations
Only a week ago
I was lucky enough to
See you again
Lucky enough to touch you again
Lucky enough to bother you again
Only a week ago
And for the first time
For the very first time
I looked at everything I gained
Instead of my impending losses
My expired emptiness and hollow thoughts.
Because I realized
Only a week ago
The entire world unfolded itself in front of me
And gave me
Two toothbrushes.

i am a terrible poet.
the words i tied together in attempt
to annunciate 
the way your kisses felt
along the soft of my 
cheeks were
mediocre and just barely enough.

just barely.

there weren't enough ways that i could describe
the mouthful 
of stars that spilled at the seams of my

lips as you gently traced them with warm finger tips.

mm, your finger tips.

your finger tips felt like a personal extension from god himself as

they dusted the empty jars i left untouched

in the forgotten spaces of me.

you held them tightly and filled them to the top

with a breathful of morning secrets

and hidden places to meet.

i found you.

i found you and allowed the words to slip

through my small hands

as you kissed my palms gently and sweetly

and folded them into your own to keep for just a little bit.
(
i could stay here)
i could lay underneath your tired smiles

and messy hair

until stars realigned themselves and directed

me to you all over again.
(
i could stay here)

i could tangle in-between your pale sheets
and make up all the words that

effortlessly translate the way i melted and simmered

at the sheer thought of waking up and knowing you again.

i could illustrate all of the galaxies you whispered

onto the trail of my back with

colors and warmth i never knew

and turn them into poorly strung together,

black and white strings of thought.

you were my favorite secret

and the cause of all of my writer’s block.

(i could stay here)


i’ve lived in florida my entire life

and have spent more days than i can count

under the sun and in the wake of rays that always burned,

but i’ve never felt more warmth than lying underneath

your expired thoughts and eclipsing eyes

as the moon seeped through your broken window blinds.

i forgot what it was like to breathe

until you took my face
sweetly and sincerely
and kissed me.
the paragraphs and ellipses that perforated my parenthetical
sighs of relief
stained the corners of my mouth
and lingered
long enough for me to remember
the after taste of your recycled sunshine
as you left me.

i am a terrible poet,
but a better kept secret it seems.