I can't write poetry.

Thinking about you and me
dusting off books from the 20th century.
Where are we now?
Where are we going?
I seem to remember a lot of people
but only when I really think about them:
every friend ,
every lover,
I've ever had.
And how awful of me
to not think about all of these people
that I have lost,
everyday.
Is it my fault
or am I just human?

I still think about
   the night you stole all those kisses
                  from me.
                Well, darling, I'm here to tell you
                                     that I've come to steal them back.

I am not a writer.
I am not a poet.
I am neither fantastic nor great in anyway.
I am far from perfect.
But, what I am is completely human.
Being human makes for an extremely complex life full of things that many of us don’t understand. Being human does not make you entitled or stunning, it simply makes you human. It is what you do that will define your worth. Sometimes though, a person does not have to impress you to gain your affection. Maybe this is why I find you so remarkable- a complete miracle. Not a sign from the gods or a blessing- but a living, breathing, wonderful phenomenon. I don’t know why I love you, but I do. Maybe it’s something simple in the way you smile, or even the way the light reflects your eyes. Maybe it’s something hidden and rare. Whatever the reason doesn't matter, because right now, all the reason I need to love you is for being human. I simply love you for being that outstanding, one-of-a-kind, incredible you.

Don't ever let somebody
determine your self-esteem -
ever.
You are more precious than all the stardust in the universe.
So what if he doesn't like you?
Never destroy yourself because of a stupid boy.
So what if she doesn't understand how you felt?
Don't change who you are because of a selfish girl.

The one that you need to look towards for strength is yourself.

All I wanted was you
For years
I waited
Wanting
and Wishing
You'd make me full.
What I found out is that
the only love that I needed
was my own.
When all a person does is give
it can leave one feeling empty
exhausted
and more lonely
than before.

You changed your
picture and it made me so
happy to see
even though I can see less of you now
and I miss that smile of yours
but my, does this photo accentuate those
beautiful eyes
The way the light
radiates from your face is
amazing
as it contrasts against the
dark frame of your hair
please, my darling,
won't you have some
cocoa with me?
It's rather chilly tonight.
Please, come a little closer
nuzzle yourself
into me
like you
used to.
Whisper secrets.
Make me laugh.
Make me blush.
Besides, I don't want you to be cold.

I'm drunk and all I can think about is you.
God, you're perfect.
I love your hair and your eyes and your skin.
I love the way you make me feel.
I want to hold you so close and never let you go.
You're so ****.
So wonderful.
I love your soul and your heart.
I think about you all the ******* time.
I want you naked.
I want you in my bed and I want to ******* hard.
I want you to tell me you love me.
I want you to treat me better than I'm being treated.
I want to feel something other than monotony for once.
I want you to hold my hand while we look at the stars.
Just tell me you love me. Tell me you want me. Lie to me.
For ****'s sake please lie to me.
You make me whole.
You make me happy.
I want you more than anything. You're my missing piece. My other half.
I need you and you don't know I exist.
I want to breathe you in. I want you held in my lungs. I want you to grow stale there. I want you to choke me.
I want to run away. Let's go on the road together. You and me. A little car. Sleeping with the moon. Skin against skin.
Show me yours and I'll show you mine.
Kiss me like it's wrong. Like you're 16 again and your parents could walk in at any minute. ****! I want you.  *******,  I want you.
You're my life and you don't even know I exist.

I got out of the shower
and wrote you a love letter on the mirror,
"Meet me outside. I'll grab our favorite blanket, and that mint tea you love so much."
I just hope that it doesn't fade before you get the chance to read it.

Your words trickle smoothly
through the emptiness
of a 2 o'clock evening.
I savor each word;
a drop of honey,
smooth jazz.
Neither as sweet
or soothingly cool
as you.

A craving.
Another cigarette
held gingerly between
*******,
two lips.
You dance like smoke.
Mystery.  

An aura of beauty
cascades around your entire being.
Your hair falls as refreshingly as rain,
and your eyes are soft blankets that
I can feel my soul curl up with.

Your presence is bewildering.


Another hopeless romance.

So, I just want you to know
that you're actually on my mind a lot lately.
I eagerly await to hear from you,
even when I'm sure I won't.
You really brighten my day
and I love hearing about everything
going on in your life.
You are my favorite thing.
You're the sunset.
You're my morning coffee.
You're my final dreaming thoughts.
You're thin mountain air.
The warmth of Spring.
My favorite poem.
My favorite work of art.
I want to drink you in,
breathe your air,
feel your beauty.
I'd die to trace the outline of your face,
knowing I could never get the lines right.
I am reminded of you every time
I wish it would rain- but it doesn't.
You are lovely.
I just want you to know,
each time I feel a breeze caress my cheek
and swirl around my figure,
I am reminded of your gentleness,
and the way it reflects your
loving nature.
And if you were a song,
I'd dance with you until the early morning,
wishing your melody would never end.
You are the soft warmth of old vinyl-
and there's not a thing on earth
that doesn't reflect your natural way of being.

As far as your hopes, I appreciate them dearly,
for indeed, the temperature has been rising.
But, the fact of the matter is that it's the middle of winter.
I can't remember a time in which it's been
so cold.
And simply put, I'm only growing colder.
The spot where we laid in the lawn
has been dusted with snow
and nobody has visited me since you left.
Other's have tried, but, seldom stick around.
My porch grows more vast every day.
The slits between the beams become a reminder of my flaws.
And it is now that I fear
that the only thing that could ever warm me up again
is you.

During the night
my hands start their
journey creeping across my
bed looking for you
reaching out into the void
hoping to God that you were there
They are searching
for your warmth
and those familiar curves
of your silhouette
They've been aching
and longing for
you
for a lifetime
but all they find
is that vast empty space
of darkness
where I last
misplaced my heart


very far away.

Maybe if I wasn't me, you'd be infinitely more happy.

I enjoyed our conversation last night, and
it's funny how somebody can come out of nowhere and
make a small difference in your life.
And so, I fell asleep with you by my side,
in a roundabout way.
You came to me in my dreams
like a ghost,
soft,
slow,
almost nonexistent.
I didn't know that it was you, until you spoke
in perfect prose and poetry.
You radiate life.
I'm inspired by your words,
and maybe that's why I thought about you today,
even though I maybe shouldn't.
And with each long drag of my cigarette,
I took in deep breaths of you,
and let you linger in my lungs,
flow through my blood,
and rest gently on my mind.
You're attractive
in a profound away.
I know that maybe I shouldn't say too much,
or really let you know that I'm thinking of you,
but, I'm *****, and there's something about a girl
that writes poetry,
that makes me incredibly weak.

I dreamed of you all day today.
Like a ghost
Your faint whispers
and grace
floating through my
head
I swear that I could see you
out of the corner of my eye
but when I'd look
you were gone
I knew you were among the stars
seeming so randomly placed
but in perfect position
as though they were chosen
by some great artist
as you fill my night sky
I can feel you
as tangible as mist
everywhere
all that I can see
all that I can think of
surrounding me
but every attempt I make
to grasp you and hold you
close
escapes me
and slides through my fingers.
Tonight,
as every night,
I will wait for you
and hope that it rains.

I fell in love
with the girl with
auburn hair.
She wore her wool coat
tied tight around her
waist as she held
a cigarette
slowly drawing on it,
making the embers
glow brilliantly in the dark.
I stared into her eyes
that cascaded into marvelous
pools of renowned beauty,
that had been structured perfectly,
by the gods themselves.
These eyes were untouched by
human hands.
She gave me a smile and
we talked for hours about
nothing
as I watched her
draw me in, along
with every puff of that
cigarette,
and together we burned,
down to the filter,
as we were flung to the ground,
and crushed effortlessly,
under her foot.

Oh wow
You're like a summer breeze
         nonexistent
hot
dry
vivid
    I can't look at you
you burn brighter
I hide inside
to stay cool
cold
buried
Arizona sunrise
Alaskan sunset
Stars dance
painfully distant
too close
  Pools form in your eyes
galaxies
  
I swim in the empty spaces

Tonight I experienced something new to me
tonight is the night that I almost died
tonight would have been my last night on this planet
the details I can't entail
for they are irrelevant
but let's just say I was in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
My last words to ever be said
would have been to my friend
saying, "I think you better hurry up."
Those would have been the last syllables to leave
these lips
of all the things that I have said or have wanted to say
those words would have been it
of all the letters that I've etched into paper
those words would have been the last thing
that I ever did
and oh god how I've taken this life for granted
and oh god how stupid I've been for ignoring the
smallest blessings I've got
and how ignorant of me to not take opportunities
and live this life to the fullest
I was shaking
as I stared at potential death
being sure not to move a muscle
not to breathe
not to blink
as I watched me and my friend
slowly become victims of wicked fate
realizing truly what I have been saying for years
that 'anything can happen.'
Just remember all of you
please remember 'anything can happen.'
Make sure the people you love know that you love them
make sure that you've always done what you love doing
make sure that you never leave any loose threads
and please please please for the love of god
make every word of yours count
make every word sing
make those ******* words
resonate and shake this earth
because you never know
what's words will
be your
last.

I won't let go.
I promise.
Please know nobody
has made me
change color
more than you.
It's cold
and I'm sleepy
please my darling,
we'll have cocoa later
just come back to bed
and dream a little more
with me.

I want you and me
out on my porch
wrapped up in a blanket
drinking hot chocolate
while we watch our breath
drift off in
the icy
air

It doesn't matter how far
it is that you may be

I want to see your
little quirks as
you sip at your cocoa
while I melt into
the way you speak

Then I begin to wonder
how soft your lips are
and if I dare to find out


Let's kiss until our lips are chapped
and our fingers are numb
and our eyes sting from
the oncoming chill

I dare to find out
only if you dare let me

I want to put on that old record
and have it scratch and pop
slowly and warmly through
the night

Let's dance
and hold each other close
keeping one another's heart
in the dim light of the evening

You take off my glasses
and I reach for you
in that darkness of
shapes

You grab me
and let me know
it's okay
as we stumble to the
couch
and you pull me close

Where we stay up until dawn
because I want you to know
that it's not just a dream
and I won't lose you

As you press your lips to my ear
and tell me that
you can hear my every word

I want to tip that book you've been reading away from your face,
                       remove your glasses,
                                      and give you a story all your own.

Lose yourself in the poetry of our lips
and the fluttered prose of our breaths.

You know it's true
when I say that I never stopped
having feelings for you.
I've been waiting so long to give you these
words, but yet, I've been waiting even longer for yours.

Maybe I'm the selfish one.

Want doesn't have to be in the past tense.
Because one thing is for certain,
I want you just the same.

Remember the time I kissed you when I shouldn't have?
Remember the time we danced?
Remember the stars?
Remember how dangerous and passionate it all seemed?

I'll never forget...
Because as you went with Autumn,
all the colors went with you,
leaving nothing but the white powder of emptiness.  

I ache for your skin
and desire your lips...

Maybe, I'm just a hopeless romantic,
and maybe this changes nothing,
but you too, are my
weakness.

I so desperately
miss the feeling
of words
spilling onto
empty pages.



Maybe it's time I came back.

You're graceful
And I know that you say that your shower
curtain is your biggest fan,
but I think I'm slowly becoming
your biggest fan instead.
I bet your voice reflects your soul-
dark
mysterious
tinted glass.
I wrap myself up at night
with thoughts of you.
And maybe I shouldn't be saying this,
but some things are too hopeless
to not be expressed.
You are beautiful in your everyday way of being.
Your language and expression
are artistic,
poetic-
breathtaking;
and I often catch myself thinking of you.
Even when I'm fairly certain,
you're not thinking of me.
I bet the dark countryside is jealous
of your enrapturing beauty,
and I'm sure that when I'm looking at the moon,
I can feel the presence of your soul.
I wait until the sun rises, and I bask in its warmth,
to remind me of the way
you make me feel.

I thought about
pulling my car into the garage
putting the dog outside
and breathing in the fumes
of our past
until there was nothing left
except my lungs constricting
around faulty ideals and notions
about us
and what love really means.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.