I love you one day more,
Less than a day where I am trying to forget you.
I miss you one week more,
Less a than a week where I am trying to conceal our memories.

Trembling hands, scarred thoughts ,as I unhinged the hooks;
you pierced in my soul.
(I hate you today)
A demented heartbreak
became my favorite melancholy tune.
Which played once every blue moon.
My heart shut down to prevent the stream of your blood into the chambers of my heart.
Concealing your touch, but still tasting you .
I inject myself every blue moon,
Inventing an antidote to cure your disease.

Although,
Today I chose to love you once more.
Cause I can't be without you ,
I'll be there when you need a way out.
I always be your late night apparition haunting ,
dwelling on a love we once reigned.
Imprinting you with a smile you once shared.
Today I chose to miss you once more.  
Cause I can't be without you.
Your bloodstream became an addiction.
One I wouldn't want rehab for.
Today I chose to replay our memories.
Love is a sink or swim.


Wait ,
Nothing comes close to the sickness I feel.
When you visit my dreams.
It's a haunting nightmare .
Today I hate you.
I don't wish I was worth your happiness,
I'm nothing than a passing memory in your freeway of your mind .
I can imagine ,
A crooked smile of regret ,
when my apparition ,
Visits you at the crack of dawn?
Today I hate you.
You shattered me like a glass cup.
Taunted my soul with torches of Lucifer.  
Today I hate you more.

A lesson learned but I seem to forget:

"True love is equal and it isn't    forgotten"

That is one thing I tend forget,
I loved you more than you loved me. Today I chose to forget you.
Or.... will that change?

You promised me love,
While you break my heart
at the crack of dawn,
You promise me happiness,
While you inflict a scar in every memory.

I beg , let me be your everlasting light.
While you fill mine with darkness.
I say, please love me in way I love you.
While you take pieces of my soul.
And I cry , cry for the seasons to change
There you are stopping the time.
Rounds and rounds of ticks .
Recycle on unrequited love
Every night at break of dawn.

You promise me heaven ,
While dragging me to the gateway of hell.
You promise me comfort ,
While making me feel empty.

I taunt, let me be your every lasting kiss,
While you fill my lips with hate.
I yell, let me be the one you come home to.
While you run away to her...
And I pray , oh I pray for the pain to swell.
There you are injecting me with anesthetic.
Swelling over and over this unrequited love.
Every crack of dawn.

I fight, so many lies underline in my mind,
While you spoke love into my heart.
I protest, there's no love ,
While you confess to me this what I deserve
I sway I sway I sway for another shot
Drink and drink because of this unrequited love
Every crack of midnight.

I beg , beg, to forget this everlasting pain...

I have fallen into dark holes,
Sometimes about six feet underground,
But somehow you were close ..
I hear your whispers through every bottle my lips touched. Your words were engraved into my heart. A motivational promise , "move forward"I breathe and I climb up and break through.Just when I am about to heal ,I lose sight of you.
Time is not ticking..
I'm not ready...
Please tick soon...

Here I fall again into an ocean abyss
I float into a darkness where I dream.
Every single time I dreamt of what it felt like to kiss your lips again ,I can feel it in my veins.
Every single fiber of your touch.
It's my favorite remembrance circulating around my veins , injecting into my blood.
A motivational promise ,"  till next time we are both strong."I swim to shore ,
but time isn't ticking yet.
Please tick soon..

Here I go falling again into a buried casket.
Where I lay dead with a dormant heart and restless soul and heavy mind.
Maggots crawling around my body , frozen I laid.
My restless mind began to ponder on the fire you brought into my heart. Dozen of wildfires you caused , I have inhale smoke from you that slowly awoke me . I see dust in my eyes. I was impaired .. paralyzed .
Time isn't ticking yet again.

As the nights went , I was walking zombie waiting to be saved , in hands of everyone else but never you. I laid in this casket remembering tasting you at least once . It felt like a home I never had , a home I wished I had. A placement that my heart yearn. Your dark eyes and impeccable smile. My delicate heart full of maggots began to beat and shake . Thought of you makes me feel alive. I screamed every single moonlight hoping soon you will hear me..  Under a blue moon , my ***** eyes got blinded by a light. I heard the bells chime and the church clock tick.

"Tick tick tick tick"
My heart felt you closer,
"Tick tick tick tick"
No more falling or being buried,
"Tick tick tick tick"
My soul ignited , you were close to me,
"Tick tick tick tick"
I blindly looked at you and you looked at me.
I knew your promise was true with every impatient kisses  , you are here in the pouring rain where time ticks. Where the world spins.Hard to believe,
That you always were my muse.
My distance far lover
hidden in the cracks of my heart ,
rebuilding me.
"Tick tick tick tick "
And I love you....

Oh Life throws so many knives into my soul.I wonder when. Just when will it stop.My heart lost its way on every avalanche ,I feel frozen , but I am still moving . I got no direction in life, but as many times my legs move,I find myself more into the dark abyss . The elastic band snapped , I couldn't see the light . People in my life couldn't stand to see me spiraling out of control and unprepared for life. I need to conquer this war alone .
                   Reincarnation
I will not be broken. I want courage so please, Life, do me a favor, Inflict more pain through this journey. Show me sometimes not all you need is love. I want to experience you Life every bits and pieces . Life I need the constant reminder of strength.Life make me climb through edges,Bruise my knees through every deceit,Cut my deepest arteries with heartbreaks and love waves . Let me pour my blood around hearts ,Help me search for the torturous habits from the helpless deviant souls. Life make me cry internally for the failures of my life. Life watch me dance in the darkest shadows with my dark silhouette. Through every trial, through every flame. Through the sunlight and darkest moon. Life, somehow , you let me smile, laugh, love and hate. But one thing I will always remember on this frightening journey .....
              Life, you said to me in a dream ,
   time will heal all open and closed wounds

You broke me...
& I allowed it because I so loved the moment before you uttered how I meant nothing. The moment when you could be redeemed.
The moment in which my breathe would catch in my throat.
The moment in which I desperately wanted to be inlove with you again. The moment in which I wanted to delude myself just one more time into believing you might love me.
Believing that you could value me in my human form.
The form in which my exhale became reminiscent of your name.
You were absorbed into the essence of my very being.
You were everything. & now you are nothing.
This is neither good nor bad.
It simply is.
Because you were poisonous and I loved every second of it ; basking in your presence.
I was a wilting flower and oh how your kiss felt so much like rain.
You were incomparably beautiful to me, but beautiful in the destructive sense.
Beautiful like a forest fire.
But you are not a forest fire.
You were the moon- deeply inconsistent.
You could not be redeemed.
Not by your smile or the way my name tasted leaving your lips or by the rare tears you would spill whispering a belated apology.

You were lost to me.
in all your cruelty- completely lost.

Except for when i would stand lonely in a crowded room- your voice sounding like the insecurities in my mind.
In those moments I'd choked back tears and pretended that the ***** was to blame and not you.
I'd Spend the night hurling insults at the stars whose usually beautiful form seemed a grotesque witness to my aching heart.
And then I'd want to hurt you how you hurt me,
scar your soul repeatedly but then I realised you don't have one.
You never did.

Once I fell apart into a deep trance ..
That is where I saw your face,
my heart ache with love .
my soul filled itself with love.
my mind wire it's brain pieces with little snippets of love...
My lips began to taste love...
I'll never forget you.
I began to ***** my finger every day,
I fell into a darker dream each day...
Attaching myself to your needle...
Till the day there was no more blood to draw.
If love has many stories...
Then ours will be a memoir ..

Alcohol helps with motivation to do things you can't sober.

These words sink into every shattered glass I drink , my hands tremble with bleeding cuts.
Bleeding sweats over my temple raging every demonic thoughts of where I can succeed.
Where can I achieve , drink more ...
Slacking , drink more ..
Write something inspirational.
Go on life seeking adventure.
Drink more sweetie..
Hard work pays off as you drink more.
but,
where is the love in my raging alcoholic soul?
Is it in every shattered glass I heavily drink ?
Or is it in every blurred line , I'm impaired to see ?
Drink more....
Alcohol helps with motivation to do things you can't sober