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You saw sunshine in me when I saw complete darkness
there's almost always
an ambiguity
between what my words mean
and what my mind intends them to mean.

like, with loving intention, i tell her
i can't praise you enough

she smells a ploy in praise and enough.

she interprets them as
she hasn't done enough to deserve my praise.

then, when i tell her
with age you're maturing in beauty

she takes them to mean
i'm digging at her age
and her beauty is in doubt.

last, but not the least
when i compliment her thus
you've made my life full

she retorts

no more fooling.
i was going to say we're like spilled milk and we're crying over each others remnants and then i was going to say we're like black cups of coffee because there's something in our element that ignites something inside of us but i think we're more like knocked over, broken shots of ***** because though we've made a mess of ourselves we're still licking the alcohol off the ******* bar even though glass shards are transfixing our tongues
I cried into her shoulder
I expressed my fears
I became silent

Picture a ladder
she says.
Now imagine a ladder
that has been used
time and time again
for someone to reach the roof
even if for just a second.
What happens to the ladder?

It breaks.

Exactly.
Your ladder isn't made of
S T E E L
She can't be expected
to stay strong for
your own purposes.

Send the ladder to get fixed.
give her some repair time.
She's not one to leave you.

But I'm scared
I choke

I know you are.
We're all scared.
We all fear something.

But don't run.
You can't run.
I won't write your eulogy
Because I don't want to
imagine a world without you.
Sometimes
You can be surrounded by people
And still feel lonely

Sometimes
You can be with people you love
And still feel lonely

I just
am
I feel like I've been stabbed in the chest. Idk why
Respect those around you, but don't take *******.
Live life to the fullest, but in a safe, and practical way.
Don't change who you are for anyone, but be better than what you are now.
You are a public treasure, but a private disgrace.
**** it, you're a hopeless cause.
I just wanna say that,
I really tried hard, maybe even harder
To compose myself again
I did so many things to distract me from the pain
I thought that I am already okay
I didn't expect that you really have mastered ways on how to break me
Every move you make,
Every step you take
Every words you say
Just you're mere existence
*breaks me
It's the things we love most that destroy us
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