i haven't let
a blade
dance upon my wrist
in months

but now it aches
and it feels like
i'm coming home

sleeping with self destruction

The cottonwood fell from the skies and covered the grass

Like snow

It smelled fresh and young, like summer

Like you

Like the winter that barely lasted, the snow melted too soon

You were gone too soon


I'll never forget the night I heard.
That
Was the night
It snowed.

Giving my legs,
I trust you to carry me,

Pulling out my heart,
Written with my blood
I wrote out my love for you

Full minded
I still managed
To carve out,
New crevices
for you to explore

My biggest mistake was my lungs
I can't breathe
Now you're gone.

my father always keeps a hammock in the back of his car,
as if one day we will camp out under a million stars.
that's the kind of spontaneity i long for.
the closest i have gotten was confronting you this week,
and my only result was burned bridges.
i have never camped out under the stars, never gotten drunk, never kissed a stranger.
but i told you i was mad at you and i told you i did not care if you were mad at me too,
and now it is one am and i cannot breath and i feel like i am going to throw up because i cannot stop thinking about last year at this time.
i can't think of one thing that was the same.  i'm not even sure i'm still the same person.

some things sound so weird in past tense.

You chase after me as I run towards the light.
You're panting, worrying where my rushing body is headed.
You catch up to me and pause abruptly.
Your jaw drops in awe, gaping at the sight before you.
You see myself, in a white dress, skipping through the field of sunflowers and daisies.
You walk over to me, grasping my hand and smiling at me.
I look at you with a grin and point to a particular daisy on the ground.

"I love that one." I say quietly.

"So pick it up." You respond.

I shake my head quickly.

"Why not?" You ask.

"Because when you love something, let it be. For love is a feeling, not a possession."

"Oh." You reply.

"That's why I've never kissed you. Just because I love you doesn't mean that I need to have you." I shrugged.

Your eyes widen in shock, never having never heard me say those words before.

"But I need to have you," you whisper, gently tilting my head up to reach yours kissing my lips ever so softly and gently.

And in my words
and the depths of my poetry,
i begin to unravel,
the real me.