An artist
In Japan, I think, or somewhere,
Built a swimming pool
That looks like a pool
But isn’t
And people go inside it and can look up
And see the people looking at them.
I saw it on Facebook,
“Like if it’s cool.”
Heart heart x x.

It doesn’t beat actually being underwater,
The surreality when you open your eyes
And the chlorine or the salt stings
And you see swimming trunks
Or fish
And things better not mentioning
And you look up and see the ceiling
But beyond that is the sky
And beyond that is space
And beyond that is stars
And beyond that is galaxies
And beyond that is…
Everything.

And you feel so deep underwater,
But you’ve barely scratched the surface.

And the award for
The best lie
Goes to...

You

For making me believe
That you were capable of
Caring
About me.

Shall we hear your speech?

Sun, moon, stars, night, day
End and beginning again.
Don't cease to love me.

I fall. I text you.
I call. I miss you. I miss,
"I won't let you die."

I miss you I miss
You I miss you I miss you
I miss you I miss -

I love you more than life.

Hurricane Bertha is raging outside,
Tearing down branches and trees and houses,
And still I know that
I love you more than comfort.

Today I have been the quirky girl
In the tea room with a friend;
Drinking fancy coffee and nibbling on cake.
I love you more than companionship.

I write poetry as introspection,
Reflecting on my miserable soul.
The rain races down the window, and
I love you more than language.

My darling, life means nothing to me.
It is fleeting and meaningless;
A futile endeavour.
Yet you are the reason I am still here.

I love you more than life itself.

I miss you already.
Is that stupid?
I just miss you so ******* much
And I'd take you back in a heartbeat
If you only told me that.

"Brake, brake, brake!" I squeal.
We are slammed forward. You say,
"You're so beautiful."

I cut myself today.

Not that this is irregular,
Of course,
As you well know.

Or do you know?

You said that you're sorry
That I'm not doing well
At the moment.

But neither are you.

I will never tell you this, but
I message you only
When I cannot hide my worry.

Nothing I send is for me.

You won't care, of course.
You certainly try to hide being ill.
As most minutes I hide

The all-consuming agony

That is how much I care about you.
Don't you leave me.
Don't you ever ******* leave me

Again.

“There's loads of boring stuff. Like Sundays and Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons. But now and then there are Saturdays.” ~ ‘Doctor Who’*

People think that Tuesday afternoons are boring. These are the type of people who get up at three-***-em on a Saturday afternoon then pa-a-a-arty all that night.

I don’t get on with these people.

No, for me, Tuesdays are glorious. Tuesdays are ‘me’ time.
Tuesdays are full of art, like French and English and cinnamon lattes in Costa as I read a book.

Or I write.
I create some poetry or prose – nothing spectacular but something that means I’ve said something about the world.

Then, sometimes, the afternoon is empty.
I don’t have a tutorial, I don’t have work and I don’t have people. I can just bake and dance and sing without having to pretend.

I love Tuesday afternoons.

Another lonely night,
And I'm staring at the vast black sky.
It is the eve of my twentieth year
And I cannot help but compare it to yours.
A text at midnight; a present wrapped with a bow;
An I love you waiting, if you wanted it.
Here I sit, waiting as the hours roll by,
Jumping every time the phone rings
Because I hope not hope it is you.
You call me up so often, usually,
Just to break me like a promise.
You are back in the country,
I hear. Back to see me? No.
It is the eve of my twentieth year, dear,
And now I think I should stop writing to you.
This has gone on long enough, don't you think?
It is the eve of my twentieth year,
And a part of me left broken and unruly,
Not yet healed by mountains of therapy
And kisses and love,
Is aching only for you.
It is the eve of my twentieth year
And a part of me knows
That tomorrow I can **** myself.
No broken promises on my part.

Yes.
I do miss you.
And that,
Above all,
Is what I am
Most sorry
For.

What hurts
Is that
You looked
Genuinely
Happy
To see
Me.

Please oh God I just want to hear your ringtone call me call me love me please oh God

I hate night-time.
It’s cold and dark and there’s so much ******* light pollution
You can’t even see the stars.
There’s no hope.
You can’t even see tomorrow because by midnight,
Tomorrow has already come
Yet it has hardly been.

I love night-time.
We sing, we dance, we stay up until that old cliché:
The morning light arrives and it’s good,
Another night wasted.
- Wasting time isn’t necessarily time wasted. -
Then the day carries on itself and all I can think is,
What will happen tomorrow night?

It might be cold and dark and hopeless
But it’s fun
And who cares about sleep?

I want someone to
Roll over and ****. I want
You, here, holding me.

You always ask me
Why I care for you so much.
Simply, I love you.

If you wanted to
Talk to me, you would, right? I
Miss you more than air.

You reinforce my bad behaviour
With, "You're so pretty,"
And, "I care about you,"
And, "You can always talk to me."
Does it need saying?
*******.
The fact is I don't need you
I just need someone
And that someone always ends up
Being you.
Though it's obvious I'm nothing to you;
Last on your list.
You have so many girls
You could start a band.
And your lies give me a headache
Because after all this time
I'm still the naive little girl
Who loved next to you.
And I thought that wouldn't change
But it did, of course it did,
And every time I get you back
You leave again.
But that disappears
When you're stood in front of me
Telling me how precious I am.
You know no one else says that to me.
Maybe you shouldn't.
This is why I fell for you, you know.
You were the first person to pay me any attention
And the fact is now I could go weeks without you
But I choose not to
Because there's a tiny part of my brain that says,
"He loves you, a little."
And then something like this happens
And I really do need you
Because you were there when this happened
The first time.
You used to understand.
And I will be forever disappointed
That you don't any more.

You always say to
Message you
When I need to.
Well, I needed you tonight.
And you replied, alright.
I wanted a fight
And you let me down again.
You didn't understand my pain;
Just told me to learn; that's the main
Thing.

The few times
I've seen you recently
(Thrice, I think)
I have had to lie to him
About it.

And it's hilarious,
Really,
Because you always said
I was **** at lying,
But I think that

It's just because
You
(Even today, when we don't talk)
Know me painfully well;
Better than anyone.

You and me;
Our souls are the same.
So we both know
When we lie
And I hate

That I don't think
Anyone will
Know me
So well
Again.

Hey
Remember that time
You told me,
"I don't know what I'd do
If you weren't around."

Hey
Remember that time
You told me,
"I wouldn't have made it through
Last year without you."

Hey
Remember that time
You told me,
"Please don't. Please don't.
Please don't **** yourself."

Because I do.
And now we don't talk.
And I listen to a playlist
That reminds me of you.
And I cry.

Here I am again
Alone in the dark.
Crying over how
Casually cruel you could be
When I only ******* loved you.

Two and a half years.
Two whole years, and you still won't
Tell me you love me.