Eyes clenched to the darkness,
Could you see me?
I saw you through the river of tears,
Emotions called your name
But did you hear me?
I didn’t hear you.
I apologized under every sun and
moon.

I saw the fear.
Did you see the reflection?
I can feel it vibrate through your skin.
Scared of nothing,
Only everything.
I’m scared for you
And me,
Selfish aren’t I.

Clenching your hand in the Sahara
Of the hospital room where it was
A mirage until it faded,
Where did you go?
I’m sorry you had to leave.
Sorry that I held the door,
You never shut it on me.

Sorry we couldn’t fish.
Are you fishing now?
Beside the river you spoke about?
Did you know that within your last
Breath we all drowned in the
Heartbeat of your existence.

I open my eyes
Oh I’m not surprised
I’m alone, my room so cold.

I grab my pen pull my pad close
I write you.
I tell you my most intiment feelings
I spill my pain as if I was begging for a touch.

I ask not but one question
What if I say bye?
Would you be hurt
Would you miss me or would you ******* off?

I ask if what you’ll say really matters.
My heart hurting and badly battered
I ask these questions I guess to see where you stand..

If I said bye would you miss me
Would you cry.
Or would you write me off like I Was never here?

Life is a game of Chutes and Ladders
At every step you roll the dice
What you think really doesn't matter
Each day you'll either climb or slide

With every move you take your chances
You will either rise or plunge
Don't ask me, I have no answers
You'll never know until you're done

Where every step along the way
Is a case of do or die
It makes no difference in how you play
With every day a roll of dice

In this game of Chutes and Ladders
That some out there fondly call life
Where your next move at any given moment
You will either climb or slide

You're not allowed to cross my mind,
I keep that door locked.
My heart is bolted down
like a ship in the storm.
No sailors with ears full of wax,
to the mast I am not bound.
I cannot allow it...
you're not allowed to cross my mind.

Nightmares hurt.
The emotional pain,
and the physical pain.
I can't count
how many times
I've woken up
to be
haunted by
my own
mind
and what
I think of.
I can't even
imagine
the times
I've woken up
with a
headache,
a heartache,
or both.
I can't begin
to reason
why my mind
has such a
vivid
perception
of what
a gunshot
feels like.
Or what
drowning
would be like.
But I've
dreamed them
so many
times,
It feels
like I've
lived them.
And please don't think
for a second
that's every
night.
There are the
good dreams
too.
The happy ones
where
everything
is alright.
But those hurt
way more.
Because
when I wake up,
I can
feel them being
torn away
by Morning.

I'm a trapeze artist of  word
             flying through sentences,



But
           then I
                        fell
                             and my words
didn't balance so well.
We
all
falter
on
our
meaning.

We just have to realize,
           that were cant balance
       all the time, sometimes words fail..

I used to love sleeping.
But I dreamed about losing you.
losing you. lose you. l.o.s.e.
So, I stopped sleeping.
I soon hid the blankets
                   the sheets
                   the pillows
I told you about my dream. You laughed
I told my friends about my dream. They laughed, too.

Now, I used to love laughing.
But I can’t laugh if I’ll lose you.

So, I married you.
I soon prepared the blankets
                             the sheets
                             the pillows
And sleep by your side. Now, I can sleep.

It flies amongst the stars.
Flashes for a moment.
Despite the left scars.
Holds a place close, yet far.

It carries the fallen.
From mistaken paths.
To reaches impossible.
And develops new plans.

It creates new countries.
Raises dead soldiers.
Stamps unsung heroes.
With a feeling of free.

Hear its silent sound.
Open up your eyes.
Place it in your heart.
Elevate from the ground.

It helps us climb.
Better than rope.
Do you see its shape?
It is hope.