It gets me high
The emotion,
It gets me high.
I live off of it
I feed
On the energy.
The pure raw anger of our last fight
Gave me an overdose
I'm intoxicated by pushing limits
The anticipation
I'm driven primal
By the hate.
I shoot up
And ride the high
Until I crash.
And burn.
And crave more.

I'm seething
By an indescribable hurt
An insurmountable pain
A never ending ache
in the place where my heart used to be.
I have just enough cheer to sell it
A few more painted smiles and I'm done
For the week,
Probably forever.
I cannot see straight
The edges of my visions are blurry
And I understand rage.
It's not anger
Not sadness
But a sort of medium.
It's an amount of pain,
An emotional scab,
That took so much blood
that you can't breath
Can't hear
Can't think.
Your heart stops
And you snap.

I realize I am young
I realize I am small
I realize I'm mature
I realize that I'm really not that mature at all.
I realize that I'm chatty
That I murmur endlessly
I realize I'm not perfect
I realize I'm not skinny
I realize that I'm funny
I could make you laugh for days.
I'd say I know myself pretty well.
But the hardest thing for me to realize
Maybe the hardest thing I've ever had to,
Was that you don't love me.
That you probably never have
And you probably never will.

I take the sharp end of the glass
To keep you from bleeding
And when humpty dumpty falls
I put him back together
I'm your freakin' fairy godmother
I keep your secrets
And rock you to sleep
With silent melodies and promises of peace
And it's draining
but I do it with a smile.
When I give you my heart
You take my lungs and kidneys too
Demand an eye for an eye
And make me go blind.
I'm Atlas with the weight of this
Enraging, heavy
existence.
Punished for I crime I did not commit.
I'm your life raft on the titanic
But instead of letting me
carry you to safety
you take a knife and cut away at me
thinking you could do better
and wondering why we both drown
You push me down and rob me of
my freedom
my life
my joy
And when I'm just a little bit cranky
You wonder why.