We always did wonder if a piece of her brain fell to her neck
For she did sometimes—oftentimes when things were of great or grave importance,
think and talk through the side of her neck.
It was a condition we had come to diagnose in her quite early,
For she’d **** her head, sing a hum as her eyes wandered following her thoughts
And when she came to, suddenly jumping with a clap of the hands and an “aha!”
We would lean in and listen intently
But she would say something positively ludicrous, absolutely ridiculous!
Like in talking about cicadas and hibiscuses,
She would throw a hippo in there. And like last time, a stinging, mingling mangling ray!
We would all raise our brows and sigh in disappointment.
For that is what you would feel when you oftentimes hear her speak.

But sometimes, it did feel like she'd think with the piece of brain left in her head;
For she was practically logical,
Analytical to a score—sometimes. Less than oftentimes.
Then, she’d place a finger to her temple and her eyes would stare fixedly above at the ceiling or below, at the ground.
And after a while of staying so, she would speak in quite a serious tone and tell us the answer to our inquisition.
Those times, there'd be surprise and awe.
Like in talking about dark matter and soft matter physics, she, after thinking a while, would throw in some astrophysical knowledge.
So, although she'd oftentimes think through her neck, she'd sometimes think through her head;
And that is when we would cheer for her.

But the cheer would hardly be over when she'd say something utterly preposterous that we'd know, for certain, that the piece of brain that fell to her neck when she was born, was rather a large piece.

Cant live without her.
Shes mine.
Waiting for the Sign.

Shes in my Mind.
Shes in my Soul
Complete and Whole.

Cant live without her.  
Shes mine.
Waiting for the Sign.

Her Silence is killing me.
Afraid to even ask
For I may loose her for ever.

Cant live  without her.
Shes mine.  
Waiting for the Sign.

And Yet Again
That Time of the Year
When 18 Years back
Came my Bundle of Joy
Time surely Flies By
He was just a Baby
Now as Tall as Me.
He leaves his Nest
All I can now Say
All the Best.

The Sun whispered to the Moon, “My love, have you lost again?” The Moon cried, but from his pain he has become wise. “I’m fighting a losing war.”

The Sun stays silent and motionless, staring at the Moon who is in tears, “It does not matter who wins or lose. For in this moment there is no winning nor losing, there is no wrong nor right, no fool and no clever, no black nor white. There are only two things: the truth and the lie. Tell me, Love, would you rather weep in the truth or laugh in the lie?”

The Moon is resentful, mad but beautiful. He outcry. “You are the Sun. You are luminous, always manifested among solemnity, you are loved and unmistakable. The universe praise you for your light. How come you talk to me in such modesty? I am the Moon. I am wonted to live in the night and I know the darkness as if it was my own blood.”

The Sun speak, “In all conscience, it is the entity that has been through the darkness, that can truly know of light.”

Moon Woman has always been aware of certain things.
Every night she sat by the porch, waited for the sun, and wept.
She often fantasize about a different life.
The mind of a moon woman:

“I have made a mistake in a human form. I shouldn’t let this happen. I would do anything to erase any trace about what I have done, and let it begone.”
Said the woman with a lovechild.

“I would do anything to know what it feels to have become pregnant. I would make love again, and again, and again.”
Said the woman with miscarriage.

“My mother does not want me. She hated me for everything I have not done. I would love to be anybody else”.
Said the lovechild.

“I shouldn’t let her go.”
Said the child with a dead Mother.

“Love does not exist, I can live alone and without anyone.”
Said a grown up man, who have witnessed tons of failed marriages.

“Soon, we will be accepted.”
Said the same *** couple, fighting for their rights in the world.

~

The sun has arrived,

“I have always wanted to watch the world glow in its darkness.”

The moon answered,

“I would love to see Light.”

Badan ranjang tidurku rapih sedikit berdebu
Ujung selimut terlipat dan banyak abu
Jendela kamar terbuka seperapat untuk semburan angin masuk
Pintu dibiarkan ternganga sekiranya ada yang mau bertamu
Tamu terakhir hadir seminggu lalu
Berbeda dengan si angin yang rajin keluar masuk
Tamu terakhir pamit untuk tak lagi membesuk
Memang bukan kepergian namanya kalau tak menusuk;
Seruangan bergemuruh menyaksikan kaki jenjangnya melangkah kian jauh
Bukan hanya ruang secara dimensi,
Tapi ruang tubuh ini yang lima menit lalu baru ia isi
Tak sampai esok hari jantung dari ruang tubuh ini seakan memohon untuk berhenti
Telingaku seakan mendengar hati meretih;
Cukup jangan terjadi lagi
Namun si akal bajingan menimpali;
Ya memang ada kalanya manusia harus sendiri
Hari hampir pagi
Biarkan kubakar rokok satu batang lagi.

Baru saja tubuh beserta ruh ini menggelar ritual yang dianggap kekal
Ritual dimana aku bisa merasakan tubuhku merukuk, merunduk, menekuk-nekuk seikhlasnya tanpa meminta apapun kecuali untuk tubuh ini dibimbing Nya
Tak peduli jika doaku belum juga dijabah
Sesungguhnya Tuhan hanya ingin jiwa ini pasrah
Sebiadab-biadabnya laku ku sebagai manusia, terkadang haus juga akan ibadah

Disaat kedua tangan ini hendak selesai menggulung kain sajadah, Muncul pesan berisi alamat.
“Sampai ketemu.”
Seakan lupa terhadap perihal ritual kekal dunia akherat
Ujung kepala sampai ujung kaki ini sepakat untuk berangkat
Mengapa akal sulit digunakan jikala merindu?
Aku bersumpah, tak ada yang tahu.

—


Dalam sesingkatnya waktu aku menjadi saksi akan kehadiran tubuhku di ruang serba asing
Satu-satunya yang tak asing adalah rupanya.
Ditengah kegaduhan batin yang luar biasa,
Hati ini hanya bisa berkata;
“Akhirnya aku kembali melihat matanya.”
Setengah sayup setengah berbinar,
Sepasang bola mata itu menatap milikku,
Suara familiar yang sekarang terdengar serak parau dibabat dunia itu bercerita;
“Aku lelah.”
“Aku tahu.”

Tak sampai tiga puluh menit diriku kembali menjadi saksi akan ingkarnya sumpahku,
Karena aku bisa melihat tubuh ini kembali merukuk, merunduk, menekuk berliuk-liuk
Di momen itu, segala pengetahuan lucut bersama pakaian.
Saat pakaianku dilempar ke lantai,
Harga diri yang kupeluk erat ikut jatuh bersamanya.
Adegan pengingkaran sumpah itu berlangsung entah berapa lama

Buah sinar Matahari mulai mengintip untuk meberitahu bahwa hari baru sudah nampak
Aku bergegas mengambil seribu jejak,
Di jalan pulang aku menerima pesan;
“Terima kasih.”
“Kembali.”
Butuh seribu tahun untuk hancur ini diperbaiki.







Semua ini, sedangkan aku hanya ingin melihat matanya.

Jam tujuh pagi tadi Ibu mengetuk pintu
Bunyi ketukan itu sampai empat kali terulang
Di ketukan empat setengah,
Pintu terbuka setengah juga
“Ya?”
“Mandi, Mbak.”
“Pingin tidur lagi.”
“Tapi hari ini hari kemenangan.”
Raut wajahnya yang telah menjadi warisanku tak sedikitpun menunjukkan bahwa dia telah memenangkan apapun.
Tidak seperti kebanyakan orang,
Untuknya hari ini bukanlah tentang seberapa kental kolam santan yang menyimbahi santapan-santapan
Bukan juga tentang berpeluk-rindu dengan orang-orang sambil sesekali bertukar kabar
Lelah mengutuk dirinya karena seumur hidup merasa kalah,
Aku tahu bahwa sehari saja ia ingin merasa menang.
Ia sendiri tahu betul saat hari ini berakhir dan tamu berpamit untuk pulang setelah semua habis terkunyah; ia akan kembali merasa kalah.
Menang atas dan untuk apa?
Seribu kata maaf pun ia telan begitu saja tanpa mencerna kata tersebut keluar dari mulut siapa
Tanpa adanya hari kemenangan yang dibanjiri oleh teks bersampul maaf,
Hidupnya memang sudah tentang meminta maaf dan memaafkan
Tak ada pilihan lain.
Hanya saja hari ini sinar sendu wajahnya menunjukkan bahwa akhirnya,
Setidaknya untuk dia,
Harapan pahitnya terhadap ‘maaf dan memaafkan’ akan diselebrasikan;
Dan seperti dirinya, lebih dari sejuta orang akan melakukannya walaupun untuk sehari saja.
Kepada siapa lagi ia harus meminta maaf dan meminta dimaafkan?

She was the pill
I was the addict
Now I’m just trying to overdose