I don’t know what I want to be or not want to be
I can barely find myself within the labyrinth
maze of bleeding days and internalized strays
wondering how I am going to establish
my place in this strange space
all these new faces, will I hold up
confident until I compete
on top of it until I break
everything is overwhelming me

does anything really matter
what would happen if I ran into the forest
dipped this ****, missed my shifts
no longer be subjugated by the master
wouldn't that be bliss
to create art, to determine what matters individually
not a silly stone on a rich woman's jewelry

Oddly enough, it's no longer tough for me to let everything fall apart
Diamond in the rough, I shine no matter what
heartstrings sing through my eccentric art
every piece of me in motion like a river
need that constant change like I need my liver
but still, I drink until it goes black, the abyss always has my back
my dreams don't seem so distant when I do not have any vision
I am so anxious lately, understanding I never had any control innately
debating on what to do, what to say, how to live, what game to play
I am a student of logic, my days as metaphysical as the forms
in which I seem to aspire to, tired of number two
will I be number 1 for someone or always an afterthought
I have too many thoughts for my own good
The only one that has time for me is the moon
feel so claustrophobic in these 4 white-walled rooms.

it was sweet like grandma’s dessert after dinner
made me comfortable like a bonfire
it was the dream I had envisioned but soon a nightmare
my intuition was singing to me like canaries in trees
warning me of the soon to be
two passing ships, we shared our hearts and got drunk off of lust
never meant to last, we were just enough for each other until it began to rust
knew you weren’t going to be my last, silence filling the room
you moved and I moved on without telling you
you sensed my indecision and had a vision
I wasn’t yours and you weren’t mine
but once upon a time, we shared ties

my summer anklet my only remains from my sun perfumed days
out on the beach, splashes of water
dismantling the house of burdens forged on my shoulders
I like simplicity, too much chaos in the city
my anxiety revving up like the motorcycle I was too nervous to ride
I start another year of university, first time not in the void of cyberspace
an echo chamber it feels like, daydreams of paradise to get me through
classes fill my days and my alarm can no longer snooze
but plenty of ***** and bud, still on the run towards the old summer fun
impermanence has me baffled I am so pussyfooted
my dreams unraveling but its not as I thought
wishes are tricky, shooting stars can inflict harm
at what cost, am I too soft, is the world too hard?
thoughts as I sit on the train and sing a somber song

kaleidoscope, hanging rope
so many options, so many ways to go
but so many ways to fall
can you handle my all
I guess only time knows
time is so fickle but so are my fears
time is so riddled with endings
that's why I keep you near
interlaced, preventing heartbreak
but no matter the amount of effort the sum is pain
so I worship the rain in my dry spell
I focus on the power in myself
to stand tall and plan for the many ways I can fall
I wish the best for myself