Give me a second
I need to breathe
A moment to let the air rest inside of me
Before I force it back out and into the world
Give me a moment
I can't stop shaking
My hands and my feet restless they dance
Strongly and boldly with no permission from me
They do as they please while the air stays at bay
I'm suffocating now and nothing feels quite real
A normal day in the life of the anxious
A normal day in the the life of the dying

Your fingertips graze my chin
You smile down at me
A gentle kiss on the forehead
Remind me of all we could be

The slight shift in the room
As soon as you walk in
A bright smile and warm presence
Forgive us and all our sins

You're kind and gentle
And I'm damaged goods
But you hold me like I matter
So united we stood

My world is a little less dull with you in it
The birds chrip more gently and sing prettier songs
The sun shines brighter and the sky is more blue
Life is better and it's all because of you

It's strange how things can shift
When you give them the chance
I didn't know that this could happen
But I smiled when you asked me to dance

And I would dance with you forever
My head gently pressed on your chest
I would laugh with you forever
While you claim we're the best

Your bright blue eyes and small little grin
Your faith in the world and in me
Make me want to lay with you forever
Under the shade of your most favorite of trees

Please hold my hand and rub my back
And never forget that very first night
Or the kisses you laid on my forehead
And everything in the world for once felt right

Some people die in Texas.
Some people die in Spain.
Some people die in their sleep.
Some people die in pain.

We were all in love with trauma.
We were all in love with the same
ideas we projected onto people
and disguised with their name.

I don't live in nine-eleven-land
and neither do my peers.
I've been monitored by other people's Gods
for twenty-two ******* years.
Coffee pots and cigarettes
stimulate my day
and keep the thoughts streaming,
that eventually fade away.

Some people die in Utah.
Some people die in Prague.
Some people never get married
or have the family dog.

We were all in love with status.
We were all in love with goals
that would make life poignant
and make ourselves whole.

I don't subscribe to the thought
that my thoughts necessarily matter.
If life is a horror movie,
then I'm the fake blood splatter.
Bible thumps and dead eyes,
are all part of my design,
and how I live and where I die
means to separate my mind.

I'm not sure I know
How to feel comfortable
With my hands laid by my side
Or what it's like to feel in love
Without holding my heart hostage
My hands clutching my knife

The love I wasn't supposed to fall into
Caught me quick and off guard
In the middle of me standing up,
Screaming "never again!"

The love I wasn't meant to be so close to
Yet found it in my own two hands
Wrapped gently inside your arms
As I cried "please not again"

The love I wasn't ready for
Kind and pure and sweet
Whispered into my ears
Such a soft and warm release