I can almost see you
Tapping your finger on the side of your leg
Unable to sit still for even a second
Always cautious and so aware

I can almost hear you
Breathing in and out heavily
Holding your breath carefully
Slowly letting it out

I can almost taste you
Your lips sweet and soft
Cherry chapstick I hate so much
Blood from biting your lips nervously

I can almost smell you
Artificial musk rubbed onto your skin
Coconut shampoo you only kind of liked
Mint gum always between your teeth

I can almost feel you
Strong and gentle all at once
Always shaking and never still
Something beautiful and disastrous

There's broken glass on the floor by my bed
It's been there for quite some time
So I retreat to my bed, and I don't leave.
My mother doesn't see it,
She says it's just not there.
But I am afraid of cutting my feet again,
So I stay in bed.

There's fire outside my window,
and the rain won't put it out.
It's been like this forever,
So I don't leave my house.
My sister doesn't feel the heat,
She's not soaked by the storms,
But I'm afraid of burning alive,
So I stay inside my house.

I think we both know I'm not the one
But hey, maybe this'll be fun.

You're sick and crazy
A twisted smile
A broken heart but a ruthless mind

You never lost track
You said you're too good for that
One path mind and no looking back

Your plan of attack
The knife by your side
Is it too late to bid you a goodbye?

I'm having a very hard time
Staying alive on this earth
Maybe it's the weight of the world
Too heavy on my shoulders
Or the way you used to look at me
From underneath the covers
But everything seems harder now
Feels like I cannot breathe
Wish I knew what it was like
To simply just
Be.

How do I confess
When you ask for a secret
That I'm not over my ex?
That the room in my heart is occupied
By lovers come and gone
By boys other than you?
Tell me, how do I let go
of the boys I loved before
When you're holding onto my hand?
Show me how to love
More of you and less of them
When you're not who I want to love.

"It's okay to not be okay"
Until it isn't anymore
They say it all the time and maybe it's true
But I don't want this to be my new normal
I want to feel good again
To feel whole, or at least not so empty
I wish I were okay