my life is sadness

As if you didn't already know that,
I'm a teenager after all

But this isn't a poem about a sad wasted life

It's a bland poem about a sad artist

Nothing I can ever do will make it meaningful

There's no point to it

I can create,

Write some profound or empty poetry

Make some genius or contrived music

Paint some ugly or beautiful pictures

gentrify my sadness,

make it pretty
make it art

It doesn't make it anything more than a black hole

a black hole that throws out a portrait of a boy with a million eyes that can't see anything

I realise now
that sadness

no matter how much I dress it up

Is sadness

And even if it's pretty or artistic

it's never going to be more than that

I dream of greener pastures
and I ain't getting any younger
struggling to find the time
searchin' my pockets for pennies
lottery tickets and sunshine dust
well I never put my eggs in a basket
imagining the fruits of my labour
were full of vitamin c
they always told me education was key

No, I don't rely on a teacher
or confide in someone who doesn't
confide in me
well I hope the demon's love is true
or I'll find myself even more lost
hopelessly used and abused
and I'm just killing time
oh yes, I'm just killing time
starting to think that time is killing me

Dreaming of things '*** I'm a dreamer
and we ain't getting any younger
you said you'd get married when
you're twenty-five and I said
I'd quite like to get married now
but I can't find the time
searchin' for the minerals to ask you
can't afford the wine or pleasantries
they always told us we need to believe

No, I don't believe any preachers
or confide in someone who doesn't
confide in me
well I hope the demon that loves me is you
or I'll find myself even more lost
hopelessly wasted and confused
and I'm just killing time
oh yes, I'm just killing time
starting to think that time is killing me

I dream of strength and closure
and I ain't getting any younger
once I was three weeks sober
searchin' for reasons to quit
starting to think that I never needed it
well I never had any eggs in my basket
but I always had a *** to **** in
and a window to throw it out of
they always told me that what goes up

No, I don't get my hopes up
or confide in someone who doesn't
confide in me
well I lie because I hope my dreams come true
or I'll find myself even more lost
hopelessly sinking without you
and I'm just killing time
oh yes, I'm just killing time
starting to think that time is killing me

Oh, all the world would be just so swell
If there was one who had dreams to sell

When I'm broken hearted, I would buy
An amazing dream where I could fly!

If I had been bullied, I would seek
A dream where I'm strong and helped the weak!

When I was screaming in pain, I vowed,
A dream where I sang clear and loud

When I could not walk for many days:
A dream where I danced  in perfect grace

When I could hardly breathe, I would gear,
To speak poems into my lover's ear

When I was lying still on that bed,
I'd dream to stand firm and walk ahead!

When I was feeling the pain in me,
I'd dream of the lands I've yet to see

When I knew my fate, I'd want to go,
To a dream back when I did not know

When I was dying,  I would have cried,
For a dream, where from Death, I could hide!

When I was dead, anything I'd give
To dream that I'd one more day to live!

Oh, truly! No one would shriek and wail--
If there was one who had dreams for sale.