You know, it's been rough.
I lost my girl, my job, my car
And I never was enough.

My refuge is gone and my heart remains yearning
But after all this time I'm still just learning
I just wish you didn't have to be a life lesson

There are two lives in my head
One is still with you
The other is dead.

Oh dark eyes
With skin sagging mounts
Feed me your love
If you would remain open.

Cherish your soul
It's tired and dark
I'll feed it my love
If I could bear witnessing it.

Curtains closed
In your bedroom
And I would knock
If you would answer.

You should open your eyes
Open your soul
Open your window.
Because I would give you a world's worth of love.

Sometimes I feel like laughing
Not because anything is funny.
But because this is so ****** up, It's comical

Sometimes I feel like dying
Not because I really want to.
But because everyone else wants me to

Sometimes I think I'm stupid
Not because I'm not smart
But because I got convinced that these demons aren't worth fighting.

I was worried today so I went outside
So at the end I could say "at least I tried"
And I laughed and laughed in my bed
Because prozac can't quiet my head
Like serotonin can fix my brain
Like anything could keep me sane
Though when I see you smile
I sit there for a while
It's a good thought to get stuck on
Yeah, but then I want something more

I want you to want me
In more ways than you do
You wouldn't want to see
The things I want from you
Your soft sweet lips
And your soft blemished skin
Your boney thin hips
My fascination with the number ten
It all leads up to this
My brain will lobby
The truth in fits
Of selfish desire
This isn't normal
Not for me
How special this thing could be
My first true love
You could set me free
I promise I want this
And I'd never leave
Couldn't we try and at least see?
The first time I seen it was on TV
And that was love or so I believe
So what's so different about this?
I have to say it I can't stand it at all
I think I want your body.

Tonight stands still, like how I stand when I see you
The smoke hangs in the air, like my feelings when I see you
I smile, as I imagine us doing all the stuff couples do
and I think I feel happier when I do, I think

I feel like tonight is going too slow
I feel like you wouldn't really know
What goes on in my head
When I beg myself to tell you instead

When you take me to that special place
It puts my head in a special case
Where my stomach is crushed
And my lips are hushed

I think I feel sadder when you smile
Especially when it's not from me
And I envy them for a while
To be what I can't be

I believe you don't care about me
Because that's really the truth
Or at least that's what my head says
I never told you but I really am a mess

But you knew that already
I don't think you know though
But in the end, if the shoe doesn't fit
Just end it, or just force it.

So there's this girl
A small girl with tired eyes
She says she loves me
And I wish that I could believe her
That she was anything more than just
Water flowing through my hands
And when the bucket is empty
I'll still see her, and it won't be the same

So there's this woman
A stressed woman with worried eyes
She sees nothing more than the night before
She asks "Are you okay?"
And I tell her, "No, I'm not."
And we leave it at that.
And the next day
We do the same thing.

So there's this gun
A gifted gun with one beckoning eye
It is darker than anything I've ever stared at.
And when I look into it, I get scared.
Because I want to be whole again,
To feel the sun on my skin
To feel that hair in my face
To feel those lips on mine.
But the sun is killing me.
Because I can't be your sun.

So there's this note.
You don't have to read it
It doesn't have much merit.
I just thought about you
So I found my gift.
My wonderful god given gift.
To leave everyone I care about.
Because the sun gives you cancer.