I wouldn't change who you are
for anything.
You could never be anyone else
and I wouldn't want you to be.

That's what he said to me.
My love, my hope, my fluidity.

There is a stillness
In the deepest
part of the night
When everyone
has gone to sleep:
even the cat.
I can hear her
dreaming
in the silence.

Stretched out paw
She reaches out,
Knowing she's safe.
Knowing she's loved.
Knowing she will
Never be abandoned.

I changed to get here
Under the heavy blanket
of eleven thousand nights
of stars.

Did you see what they saw?

Why do you think it's red?

The silk I drape you with,
I forged in heat,
In fire. Blisters,
Boiling flesh
Give way to
Soft hands
&
timeless debts.

I will never stop
Struggling,
Reaching
Working
For Humanity
to be able to
Live Abundantly.
Live Fully.

Be in the Moment--
Wish I could erase the fear--
Bombs in the building next door,
Where the next meal will come from,
Medicine shortage,
Families torn apart,
Lives gone in seconds,
Contaminated water.

When someone reaches their
Hand out in a gesture of faith,
Of hope, of desperation,
Meet them with kindness.
Meet them with warmth.
Even when you don't have a thing to give
in material, it is immaterial
To offer a slice of the humanity
We have all been gifted.

Not all of us are safe,
Or have the comfort of love,
And many have been abandoned
By family, by society, by anyone
that feels
it is hard to look at someone
that you find pity for.

Look. That is where you will find
the deepest expression of humanity.

It's in the purrs.
It's in the exaltation
of the burden.
My people struggle.
But we have *******
Been. Through. It.
Let me take it on.
We know how to
*******. Thrive.
In. Struggle.

I swim with weights.
I have trained for this.
You wanna go toe to toe?
Let's ******* dance.

I give myself a cheery wave,
I deserve a good start at least.
This time is more confident, knowing, loved.

This time
The reflection stays and basks
in the warmth of the love reflected.
The smile is calm, accepting and comfortable.

What once was a shell
has cascaded as it rolled down the hill
gained momentum,
picking things up along the way,
gaining speed and ******* soaring.

Shell no longer, my bounty is full
and I couldn't be more grateful.
My insides are starting to match
my expectations of my outsides again
which feels good.
More than that--I feel like myself.

Heya friend!
I call to my reflection.
Her eyes crinkle and she smiles
throwing the peace sign,
Then she gives me a serious look
and points to our heart
and mouths:

"Protect It,
But Don't Waste Your Potential.
Go Love. Be Loved. Be Love."

She turns to go,
But over her shoulder she turns
and says:

"By the way, I'm proud of you.
I'm proud to reflect who you have become.
You deserve all the happiness life can bring
and all the sadness that sharpens the joy.
Now the goal is to experience everything,
Take it all in,
Don't take any of it for granted
and worship life.
Love and worship really living."

My reflection doesn't leave me,
Even when things are rough these days,
I have learned a lot in days numbered, years, decades,
I can't reclaim my youth
but I can avoid its mistakes for my own sake.

This world is scary enough right now,
People sowing the hatred that snuffs out light
That breaks the glass of shops and places of prayer
and homes of people
who just want to be able to live their best lives,
my hopes for the future dwindle low
but my candle still burns,
and with a thousand candles
and two thousand feet
and ten thousand fingers raised
maybe someone will see
maybe it will cause change?

What will it take?
I hope violence isn't the answer.
I have a family to raise.
A life to live.
In the community I want to make friends in.
I don't want this,
But I have to be a good example
To the generations who come and will
Need. Good. Examples.

I feed my reflection positivity now.
I feed my reflection ferocity and the willingness to speak up.
I feed my reflection hope with motivation to enact change.
I feed my reflection the willingness to accept flaws.
I feed my reflection patience to understand others' perspectives.

A few things have changed though.
We hardened up a little bit.
Around the block a little bit.
I don't put up with narcissist *******,
I handle myself with decorum but push me
and I bite back,
Verbally. Don't talk to me
as if you already know me

I have friends and you friend
are not a friend so go back to
Your friends, this conversation
Is at an end.

What feminine people go through
while you can come out stronger,
it takes a lot of tumbling to get that
gem nice and shiny.

Starting a new chapter,
Me.
I think we've made good choices so far
that led us here.
There are some weird bumps ahead,
But I think with the support of partners
and loves and lovers and friends
We will help each other get through this
Fighting when we have to,
Leaning on each other,
And never forgetting what we're fighting for.

The gilded age watching over
The laughs echoing from the stage,
The lights dancing as they turn the page
Transition to the next game, checkmate.

I've been here the whole time
We've been discussing the Bidet
And the cult following they accrued
A total of thirty followers ensued
Enough to make a documentary.

A burgundy suit all picked out
For a wedding in June to Jess and...Jess,
All ready in a chic black dress,
All the suggestions flow and go and know
And the audience rings with participation
With suggestions--with bait.

Hook line and sinker, baby,
Knock it out for the win,
Come on roll us the dice
And spin us some sin.

Back through the tunnel,
Lights through a funnel,
Guiding the way, pushing away,
Away from King's Theatre
Away from the laughs,
Away from Sam and Sam and
Jacob and Jeremy's spats,
Away from Lou and Kimia too,
Vic is left on the stage shrugging,
Away from them too.
Giavani, a ******* queen,
And Shutup! Kurt needs to say something...
I love you all and to thine self be true
There will be nothing like this performance ever again,
And that memory is thanks to you.

It was a sparkler,
Alone in the night,
With our laughter we held it alight,
It burned for longer,
Longer than eight nights,
The oil from the latkes
a bubbling, browned delight.

A moment in time,
A moment of laughter,
A moment of silence before the disaster,
A time and a place and a place for the memories,
Don't underestimate the time you spent here.
Remember everything you can and hold it dear.
Cherish the improvisation,
The luck, the dice, the trolls, the rights,
Let it all simmer,
Take it to a boil
Under these spotlights.

Taking myself through these paces,
Boom-Go, and we're off to the races,
Caught up in liminal spaces,
Will we or won't we
When or when not
Your touch at that spot...

Boom-Goes all of my exterior defenses,
Put a power wash on all my senses,
Raw and alive
Back again in five
No way satisfied...

Boom-An--huh~
The flush to my face
the moment has taste--
**** through
My teeth--I need air,
I swallow at your stare~
Maybe I don't need air.

If I will it,
Will it?
Mold it into the shape of kisses,
Send it on the Winter wind,
Will whatever it wishes.

Stop in time,
The snowflaked memories of my mind,
Zoom in past the reflection of the sign
That we passed and then doubled back.

Wind up Wind down,
Rise up, Slow up,
Follow the tug,
Follow the pocket square,
Dressed to the nines,
Am proud to be with ya.

Zoom back out,
Push through unshoveled snow
Push through the front door
Push into my arms
Pushed against the wall.

Stop in time,
This moment is perfect,
Nothing could change it,
No way to frame it,
Remember it hard,
Recall every detail:
His smile, his beard, his coattails,
The bits of snow left on his coat still--
because the moment he saw me we were On.

The feel of his coat against my skin,
Breathing in the smell of him,
Then we tasted
Each other so close under the covers
We made it
About each other and for one another
Our bond reached out and shook us
And there was nothing to say when it took us
We both knew
You knew what I knew
We both knew.

Now when I send tiptoe kisses
You feel them.
When you send me your embrace
I feel that too.
I can hear you in my heart and it sings back
Whistles back a callback or two.

We only have time.
We have memories to align
With our presence,
Stamp our mark.

The energy of us
Leaves an imprint
Like ghost tiptoe kisses
And ghost long embraces
Ghost hearing your voice
and the timbre and warmth
Just as present.

I couldn't be happier
Except
If I could will it,
I would will it--
So that we don't have to sustain on
Ghost tiptoe kisses
and ghost long embraces
Anymore.

While the withered page sets down its weary head,
and the children have all been tucked in bed,
The heart of the writer sings fair & true,
Its melody sweet & pure & new.

It's as if it started snowing rainbows
Down fifth avenue,
Or flooding yarn *****
with cats just out of view.

Zoom out of the scene with the kid at the zoo,
Who's seen a lion for the first time and a flamingo too,
To the lovers just a synapse away from saying
Those words people always imagine lovers saying...
But is that the beginning of the story, or the end?

Finding the beginning of the chapter is easy,
Who knows when they end?
Are we the authors?
The painters to fill in history with color?

Raise a glass to our hotel sushi picnic,
Ugly gingham curtains and squeaky old chairs,
To the look in your eye when I first held your stare.
I held my breath, you know.
Maybe you didn't.
You do now.

Even if it was snowing rainbows,
Even if it was raining from the sidewalk,
Even if it was blowing ***** of yarn down the road,
I couldn't take my eyes off of you.

Let's defy time
and space
and physics
and just be together.

It has been raining
For so long that
I have grown accustomed
To the sound of
Sloshing puddles
Being tossed around
By the traffic outside
My window.

Inside my bedroom,
Laying in the pitch black
With nothing but a
bright, white screen
In front of me,
Squinting as I listen
To the motors and
The sloshing puddles
Trying not to think
Of you.

Even breathing
Next to me,
The sky lightening and
Illuminating the tapestry
Over my window that
Mildly mutes the sound
Of the sloshing and
The motors as I lay
Trying not to think
Of you.

Facing the edge,
A corner of the covers
Covering me,
I feel exposed
And not because
I'm naked and the blanket
Doesn't cover.

The shadow breathes
Sighing next to me and
Rolls over taking more
Of the warmth with it.
And I'm cold.
Not because of the covers
Or because I'm naked.

I need you.

The motor sounds and
Sloshing puddles are outside
My window and if I focus hard
Enough I won't cry as I try
Not to think
About you.